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Estella Jun 2018
You lead me on,
Just to let go of the rope.
I push you away,
Just to give into the weight again.
You carry my burdens,
Just to drop me in the end.
You pick me back up,
Just to lead me on again,
Just to let go of the rope,
Just for me to push you away,
Just for me to give in,
Just for you to carry me,
Just for you to drop me in the end.
It's an ongoing cycle–
And I don't think I will ever learn
Estella Nov 2018
you are selfish,
you forget about things,
you forget about me.
When I need you most,
You have taught me you
won't be there.
now I know,
I know I am the only thing
I can depend on,
because others don't care.
part 3 :) hope you enjoyed
Estella Jan 2019
Starting as a small seed,
sprouting into something magical–
Is my love for you.
Growing into a sturdy stem,
developing beautiful crown–
Is our love together.
Losing beauty,
Forgetting strength–
Is me without you.
just love compared to a flower, don't really understand where I got this from, bu t I have always had an odd fascination with flowers. People love them while they are beautiful, but just  pick them, leaving them an unavoidable fate: death
Estella Apr 2018
People ****.
They are so fake.
They don't care about anything but themselves.
They don't realize there are other people in the world too.
They break hearts carelessly.
They ruin lives purposely.
They pretend you hurt them,
When in reality,
They hurt you.
In the process of hurting you,
they hurt themselves.
making them more reckless,
more careless,
and more intentional.
Estella Sep 2018
Here's the thing:
I'm not pretty like these other girls.
I don't take good selfies,
I don't flirt for attention,
I don't dress to impress.
I don't wear makeup,
I don't take an hour to get ready in the morning.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me.
I know I am seen as pretty,
Only because I am confident.
I have never cared about my looks.
My appearance has never bothered me.
I can freely be myself
without a worry in the world.
I guess that's my problem.
I'm not pretty like them,
I'm pretty like me.
And sometimes I hate that.
Not because I am pretty,
but because all the Pretty Ones hate me.
Estella 3d
as it comes to the end,
it feels like it is all crashing down.
most feel joy,
many feel a strong mix of happy and sad.
But–
I just feel ready.
ready to leave.
ready to move on.
ready to find my life.
ready to find me.
ready to rebuild me.
no sense of sorrow,
and no feeling of joy.
just
simply
ready
Estella 7d
the deeper the roots,
the stronger the tree.
the stronger the tree,
the more weight it can bear.
roots cling to others,
making them almost unbreakable.
but the tree planted alone,
has nothing else to cling to.
Estella Dec 2018
I'm never that girl.
I'm just the friend.
"Hi this is my best friend,
No were not dating, sorry"
That's what they all say.
They talk to me,
Get with my friends.
Ask about them.
I'm sick of being hidden,
I'm sick of being the "side-***"
Im sick of putting relationships at risk.
Im sick of guys,
and I've never even dated one.
im just tired :((((
Estella May 2018
It's like being stuck.
Stuck in a game you were never meant to play.
Being forced to play by the rules you can't follow.
No one gives you an option on what piece to be.
You are forced to do what you don't know how.
No one gives you the rules,
But everyone expects you to follow them.
#rules #game #rulebreaker #stuck #games #rule #follow
Estella Mar 2018
Sometimes I wonder-
"Is loving something temporary worthwhile?"
But-
When I think about what I love,
I realize

For me,
People aren't temporary,
They leave legacies that can last forever.
People leave their love-
their wisdom
their hobbies
their secrets
And-
I've realized
For me, people aren't temporary

Now-
When I think of what I love,
I know it's worthwhile
And my wondering isn't so lost anymore-
Because for me,
People aren't temporary
Estella Dec 2018
I would say we are pretty close.
I tell you almost everything.
You are one of the only guys
I have ever trusted.
The trust is only for friendship though.
I could never trust you
With anything more.
I know how much you lie–
How much you talk–
How often you flirt–
How much you hide.
I understand why you do it.
I would too if I'd have been through
What you have.
But if any girl ever asks me about you,
I will be honest:
You're a great friend but
Thats all you could ever be.
finally sorted my feelings out for once :)
Estella Nov 2019
The Castle she was bound to,
Held her hostage to the prison of her mind.
Each year a new cell was built.
In each cell dwelled not another prisoner,
But another piece of her.
One memory lived among each cell.
Only the worst memory of her past did she visit,
And it was that of loneliness.
its been a while. I've missed writing....
Estella Mar 2018
Everyone thought she grew up in a happy place.
That this place was full of joy.
They thought it was full of grace.
But he treated her like a toy.

One day she cried out:
“Why do you cause me so much pain?
Why must you scream and shout?
You cause my clothes to have a red stain.”

“Oh, but why are you here?
You really are quite the trouble.
You have become less and less a dear,
And caused me to see double”

Walking to her room at night,
She hears a little boy.
He was in a great big fight,
Being treated as a toy.

“Stop! Stop!” she cried,
Don’t hurt the little boy!”
She jumped in with wide eyes.
“Quit treating him like a toy!”

The hit was hard,
It was right to her head.
She figured it would scar.
When it actually made her dead.

No longer a toy,
She vanished from this world.
She left the boy.
His mind was in a whirl.

She came back to the hill,
But no longer as a toy.
She came to be his guardian angel,
Saving the life of the little boy.
Estella Mar 2018
The one night it hurts the most,
Thats the night you ignore me.
The one night where things get tough,
Thats when they decide to complain.
The one night where I need you to care,
You don't give a ****.
The one night I refuse to sleep,
Is the night you give up on me.
The one night I am excited for the next day,
Thats the night my parents refuse to let me grow up.

I just don't understand.
The one night I actually need help.
Thats the night no one notices.
Estella May 2018
Once I think I am done caring,
There you go again–
giving me one small reason I should.
Once I think you aren't worth it,
There you go again–
showing me why you are worth so much more.
Once I think I have moved on,
There you go again–
refusing to let me get rid of you.
Once I think I really do love you,
There you go again–
Proving to me it was all just a lie.
Estella Apr 2019
to those that are willing to love freely:
you are braver than the rest.
to love freely is to share your whole heart.
to not hold anything back.
to love recklessly–
endlessly–
forever.
To those that are willing to freely love–
you are stronger than the rest.
to freely love is to have no worry in the world.
to be so full of love you are unstoppable.
to love independently–
freely–
always.
because it takes true courage to truly love someone
Estella Jun 2018
I freakin' hate this feeling.
Sometimes I think you love me.
At others I swear you hate me.
Usually I think you forget about me.
Always–
I just lie to myself.
Saying:
It doesn't matter–
I'm sure he just thinks
That it doesn't bother me.
That I am tougher than the rest–
I have convinced myself this is a valid excuse.
That my tough exterior is a good reason.
When in all honesty,
I know one thing for sure:
I should never be treated like a second,
Just because I am the one that can take it.
#second #first #freakinhatethis #questionable #love #swear #hate #lies #honesty
Estella May 2018
Trust should not be taken lightly.
Trust should be stronger than a iron rod.
Trust can be a funny thing.
Trust can manipulate you.
Trust can build you up,
Trust can bring you down.
But once trust is broken,
Trust cannot be put back together.
Estella Apr 2018
I guess what I wanted was a Lie-
you're humor, without the cruelty in it,
you're fun, without the boring.
I guess what I am saying is,
I wanted you without your flaws.

What I've come to realize is,
I was wrong.
You can never ask someone for only parts of them.
This shows them their whole self isn't necessary.

Now, I guess what I need is the Truth.
the thing is, I don't know what that is.
I know so many different versions of you,
I don't know the True you anymore.
Estella Mar 2018
I would never call myself ugly,
But I don't think I am pretty either.
I don't stop people in their tracks,
Just so they can look at me.

I guess you could call me unique,
Because I'm not gorgeous like other girls.
I guess you could call me unique,
Because my beauty comes from within.
I guess you could call me unique,
Because I'm not pretty,
I'm not ugly,
I am me-
and I wouldn't trade that for anything in the world
Estella Sep 2018
I want to fall in love,
I want to fall deep in love.
I want someone who will
hold me while I cry.
I want a chest to fall asleep on.
I want a heartbeat that keeps mine steady.
I want a hand that fits mine better than a glove.
I want someone to look at me
with a sparkle in their eyes
and a corny grin on their face.
I want someone who will cry with me,
cry for me,
and cry because of me.
I want someone to watch the sunset with,
even on the cloudy days.
I want to look at someone
and immediately know it's gonna be okay.
I want a prankster.
I want a feeling where
I can cry laughing even when
I'm old and my hair is gray.
I want a smile that lights up the room,
and never fails to light up my face.
I want memories.
I want stories.
I never want to grow old of each other,
I just want to grow old with each other.
I guess what I want is you,
But could you come any faster?
this definitely isn't perfect, but I think this explains how I feel pretty well! I hope you enjoy
Estella Sep 2018
I don't really know what to do.
We were never in a relationship.
You were just my best friend.
And I guess she hated me for it.
I never liked you,
I loved you like a brother.
We never did anything wrong,
you weren't even dating her.
Yet–
she still couldn't know when we hung out,
she still couldn't know I sent your streaks,
she still got mad you sent mine.
You say you didn't care but
your actions proved otherwise.
I'm just tired of feeling like
The girl you are using to cheat on with.
I guess I realized our friendship wasn't fair.
You were always there for me,
and I tried to be there for you.
Yet you still always proved your loyalty to her...
Estella Aug 2018
so many things have changed lately.
but out of the all the things that changed,
what hurts the most is you.
Estella Aug 2018
I've messed up a lot lately.
I've ruined friendships,
I've given up on relationships,
I have given up on everything and everyone.
They don't text anymore.
That daily "I love you,"
turned into a daily streak snap.
I don't get a lot of things anymore,
I especially don't get why
I have given up
On myself
Estella Sep 2018
It’s not that i have fallen in love with him,
I think its more simple than that.
I have fallen in love with the idea of love.
i desire to fall in love.
To feel his skin on mine.
To feel his lips gently kiss mine.
To feel his arms wrapped around me.
To have a soulmate,
a best friend,
a lover,
I just want the feeling of love....
I totally rushed the ending but I don't know how to make it perfect but I think y'all get my point.
much love <3
Estella Jul 2018
"Why are you sad?"
He asks.
I reply with no words.
Just a look,
A look of agony,
hurt,
pain,
and sympathy.
Then he asks again,
"Why are you so sad?"
I reply,
Bt this time with words.
I tell him,
"My heart hurts,
not because of you.
But because of what I am doing to you.
You love her,
She uses you,
I love you.
She hates me,
I am ruining it for you.
I never meant to get in the way.
I never meant to become so close to you.
I never meant to hurt her.
I only meant to help myself,
And I can't even do that right anymore."
Estella Mar 2019
at once you mean so much to someone,
yet when someone more important comes along,
you're nothing but a dead leaf blowing in the wind.
Estella Jun 2019
I guess im boring
I don't do what they do so no one cares
"you need to learn to live"
"you need to party more"
"put yourself out there"
they never love me for me,
they only love me for what they can make me
Estella Apr 2019
as the leaves on the trees begin to grow again,
as the flowers begin to bud and bloom,
as things that used to fall apart are now falling into place–
so do the parts of life we are ready to give up on.

right when we are ready to give up on spring,
it pounces on us like a lion on it's dinner.
it brings back hope and joy.
Estella Apr 2019
because what may feel like the end....
is just the beginning of something even greater.
something greater than ever before.
Estella May 2018
I don't know how to explain myself  anymore.
I don't think like a normal teenage girl.
I don't care about my looks.
I don't care about others opinions.
I don't see the big deal in looking pretty.
I don't see why I should fake my smile.
I don't see why you have to be mean to me to lift yourself up.
I wish it weren't like this.
I wish I understood.
just want to clarify I'm not saying I am a lesbian or any form of LGBTQ. I just want to share my thoughts on being different.
Estella Oct 2018
You know–
I had this crazy thought once.
I thought I might actually be capable of loving you,
And that is something special.
I have never been able to truly love.
Love involves too many risks.
These risks I have never been willing to make.
And you have taught me how common they are.
Once I thought I could truly love you,
You failed me.
You ignored me.
I never asked you to constantly talk to me,
But ignoring me isn't fair either.
I have always been there for you,
And you act like you don't even care sometimes.
I'm sorry if I annoy you,
Just tell me–
I won't do it again.
I'm sorry if you hate me,
Just tell me–
I don't need you in my life.
My life was fine before you came along,
Who says you leaving will make it any different?
this is honestly just a crazy rant of heartbreak but I am sure someone understands :(
Estella Nov 2018
I don't think I will ever fall in love.
Yes, I'm young.
Yes, I know I have time.
But–
I'm too scared.
I don't wanna get hurt.
I don't need a broken heart.
The risk seems too great.
here's a draft I have had for a few months, I've been trying to finish it, but I've decided that you guys can finish it for me <3
Estella Dec 2018
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have nothing nice
To say about you.
Estella May 2018
That moment when you think a friend could never use you,
Just know that you are wrong.
Friends are worse than heartbreak.
Friends can be your worst heartbreak,
And your best decision.
I regret being friends with you,
But I wish things would have worked out.
I might miss you,
I don't really know.
I honestly don't care.
You used me twice and you won't do it again.
Estella Jan 2019
As rays of light,
warm the earth–
So your smile
warms my soul.
this isn't even about anyone, this is just how I want someone to feel about me I guess
Estella Apr 2018
They say what keeps you up at night means the most to you,
But my story is different than most.
You are the one that keeps me up at night,
But–
Here is where my story ends,
Because you may keep me up at night,
I am not what keeps you up at night.
She does.
She consumes your thoughts day and night,
While you don't consume hers.
You consume mine.
You deserve so much better than her,
But have decided to settle because of your stubborn fault.
Estella Jul 2018
I wish there was another way
I wish they understood you like I did.
You were meant to be free,
You just need a little guidance along the way.
You're life is being taken from you
before you're heart stops beating.
Taking yours away
Takes away part of mine too.
I wish people never grew old.
I wish our bodies didn't fail us.
I wish.
I wish.
I wish.
Estella Nov 2018
You know–
I tried to make amends,
I tried to prove to you
that I had changed.
I apologized for treating
you wrong.
My actions even showed different.
I tried to talk more,
but all you did was ******* off.
And no,
all of that was not just to win
you back over.
It was not fake.
I meant it.
I meant every single word.
I'm sorry that I'm going through a lot.
I didn't mean to burden you,
Its not like you promised me you
would ALWAYS be there,
but my mistake,
No one can ALWAYS be there.
So maybe I should just stop
Trying to get help from others,
because you have shown me,
that words mean nothing anymore.
honestly just heartbroken by the way a friend treated me and I just really had to let it all out.
Estella Jun 2019
sometimes im happy the way I am
happy that I don't have a man,
that I don't need a man.
but then I realize all the memories Im missing.
I will never have that young and in love relationship.
I will be forced to mature early,
therefore never being able to fall in love recklessly.
I will be forced to be more careful.
therefore I will never trust fully.
I guess I will be missing out,
but the question is:
Will it all be worth it?
how I feel about my futures right now I guess
Estella Mar 2018
His smile was never fake–
It was just hard to bring out.
His love was never wrong–
It was just too much for her to bear.
Her love was never wrong–
It just wasn't enough for him.
The amount of love he needed was too much for her to give.

The love he needed was the 4am kind of love–
The love where someone was always there for you–
Where he could just hear her voice, and everything would be okay.

Their fights were enough to make him stay.
Her fiery temper fueled the fire in his soul.
He loved her in an unimaginable way–
With a broken, beautiful, flawed love.

The sad thing is,
It was worth it for him–
But to her,
It meant nothing.
YOU
Estella May 2018
YOU
In that exact moment I felt peace.
I was safe in your arms.
Nothing was going to tear me down.
No one could hurt me.
I was truly happy with you.
The sad thing was–
I knew it was temporary.
I knew we were just friends.
And worst of all,
I know you will be the one to tear me down–
The one to hurt me.
You are my safe place,
but my most dangerous decision.
You are my favorite dream,
but my worst nightmare.
You will tear my down,
But I know you will always be there to build me back up.

— The End —