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2d · 25
e.m.p.t.y.
Estella 2d
an empty house,
yet full of memories.
a book with no words,
yet full of pages.
an empty heart,
yet full of heartbreak
an empty soul,
just desiring to be filled again.
4d · 26
The Castle
Estella 4d
The Castle she was bound to,
Held her hostage to the prison of her mind.
Each year a new cell was built.
In each cell dwelled not another prisoner,
But another piece of her.
One memory lived among each cell.
Only the worst memory of her past did she visit,
And it was that of loneliness.
its been a while. I've missed writing....
Jun 16 · 93
Untitled
Estella Jun 16
I guess im boring
I don't do what they do so no one cares
"you need to learn to live"
"you need to party more"
"put yourself out there"
they never love me for me,
they only love me for what they can make me
Jun 10 · 129
worth it
Estella Jun 10
sometimes im happy the way I am
happy that I don't have a man,
that I don't need a man.
but then I realize all the memories Im missing.
I will never have that young and in love relationship.
I will be forced to mature early,
therefore never being able to fall in love recklessly.
I will be forced to be more careful.
therefore I will never trust fully.
I guess I will be missing out,
but the question is:
Will it all be worth it?
how I feel about my futures right now I guess
May 20 · 46
disappointment
Estella May 20
I don't want you to lie to me and say its okay.
I disappointed myself too.
I know we both wanted more.
but I failed you.
so many expected more of me and I failed you all.
im really sorry.
I know it's over something stupid,
but it meant a lot to me.
and I didn't want to let you down.
May 14 · 106
one of the guys
Estella May 14
I know I act tough
I know everyone thinks I'm over that.
That I don't need a man.
That I don't need to dress up to feel pretty.
That I can do everything on my own.
I know I come across that way.
I don't wear my emotions on my sleeve.
I can't.
But–
Sometimes I need someone to tell me I am pretty.
To tell me I am worth it.
To hold me while I sleep.
To help me while I cry.
To listen while I complain.
To not leave me just cause "im okay"
Sometimes it feels nice to be treated like a lady,
cause I always just end up being one of the guys...
May 6 · 40
:'(
Estella May 6
:'(
I wish I could tell you how broken I am. I wish I could tell you what this is doing to me. I want to tell you how broken I am. How unstable I am. How much I miss home. And most of all how it is your fault. You took me from what I loved the most. And who I loved the most. And it's hard to blame anyone. Maybe it isn't your fault. It isn't really anyones. Someone needed happiness more than I did. So I sacrificed
like always. I lied to make them happy. And now I can't go back. I'm stuck for another year. The fact that I am only halfway done kills me. I cry myself to sleep so much because I miss home. I want to go back. I second guess myself and say things weren't so bad because now they are just worse. They are worse in a much different way. I have met a few people that have made my entire life worth living, but nothing cam replace home. And now I have people from my past haunting me in my future. I hear their voices in my ear shouting their success and yelling my failures without using words. I just want to be home. I just want the comfort of home. I just want the safety of normalcy. My life is so different now and NOONE will ever understand that. But I have dug myself a hole so deep no rope will reach down and pull me out and no amount of strength can get me out of it
Apr 19 · 49
Untitled
Estella Apr 19
because what may feel like the end....
is just the beginning of something even greater.
something greater than ever before.
Apr 15 · 39
Untitled
Estella Apr 15
as the leaves on the trees begin to grow again,
as the flowers begin to bud and bloom,
as things that used to fall apart are now falling into place–
so do the parts of life we are ready to give up on.

right when we are ready to give up on spring,
it pounces on us like a lion on it's dinner.
it brings back hope and joy.
Estella Apr 8
to those that are willing to love freely:
you are braver than the rest.
to love freely is to share your whole heart.
to not hold anything back.
to love recklessly–
endlessly–
forever.
To those that are willing to freely love–
you are stronger than the rest.
to freely love is to have no worry in the world.
to be so full of love you are unstoppable.
to love independently–
freely–
always.
because it takes true courage to truly love someone
Apr 7 · 117
different :/
Estella Apr 7
the bad always seems to outweigh the good anymore.
I'm realizing I am so different
than the rest.
I don't fit in with the rest of them.
I am different–
and that used to be a good thing–
but the more different I am,
the worse it gets.
im just so sick of being so different than the rest of my friends. I don't drink smoke vape or party and thats all they do :((
Mar 24 · 99
Untitled
Estella Mar 24
at once you mean so much to someone,
yet when someone more important comes along,
you're nothing but a dead leaf blowing in the wind.
Mar 7 · 47
idek
Estella Mar 7
it's pointless now.
you ditched me for her–
I should have seen this coming.
you hate her.
you won't last.
she controls you
like the sky controls night and day.
you said yo would never leave–
yet you left.
you said you would always be there–
but where are you when I need you the most now?
Mar 7 · 121
a dead leaf
Estella Mar 7
a dead leaf blows off the tree
once useful,
pointless now.
just to start a pile of leaves,
and to be jumped in.
just to be blown off the sidewalk,
or to be torn apart.
just to have a purpose–
and then lose that feeling.
Jan 28 · 53
warmth
Estella Jan 28
As rays of light,
warm the earth–
So your smile
warms my soul.
this isn't even about anyone, this is just how I want someone to feel about me I guess
Jan 26 · 193
Death
Estella Jan 26
A dead dandelion.
Used for many wishes,
Used for good fate.
Death–
beauty hidden within
Jan 11 · 43
Our love
Estella Jan 11
Starting as a small seed,
sprouting into something magical–
Is my love for you.
Growing into a sturdy stem,
developing beautiful crown–
Is our love together.
Losing beauty,
Forgetting strength–
Is me without you.
just love compared to a flower, don't really understand where I got this from, bu t I have always had an odd fascination with flowers. People love them while they are beautiful, but just  pick them, leaving them an unavoidable fate: death
Jan 7 · 91
Burn
Estella Jan 7
A bridge–
uniting two things
Love–
Uniting two people
Burning bridge,
to destroy.
Burning love,
to have passion.
Both unite,
but both turn to ash differently.
idek if this makes sense to you guys but it does to me. Love you all <3
Jan 2 · 545
–> <–
Estella Jan 2
Two arrows,
both pointing to love.
But one to perfect love,
and one to broken,
beaten,
shattered love.
Perfectly imperfect.
here's a more poetic poem since half the time I don't even write poems, I just vent
Dec 2018 · 114
Sick
Estella Dec 2018
I'm never that girl.
I'm just the friend.
"Hi this is my best friend,
No were not dating, sorry"
That's what they all say.
They talk to me,
Get with my friends.
Ask about them.
I'm sick of being hidden,
I'm sick of being the "side-***"
Im sick of putting relationships at risk.
Im sick of guys,
and I've never even dated one.
im just tired :((((
Dec 2018 · 47
drifting
Estella Dec 2018
The one friendship I never thought would end,
Is the one drifting apart before my eyes.
There is nothing I can do.
There is no way to save it.
You know I love you.
If you don't wanna be friends,
just tell me.
But give me a reason.
and it better be a ******* good one
because I ******* miss you.
:(((((((
Dec 2018 · 150
confident
Estella Dec 2018
I wish I didn't act so confident.
I think it gets me used.
I think it's a flaw.
They don't think I will be insecure.
They say they can't,
when they made other plans.
They think I won't catch on–
Because why would
someone ditch me
for someone else?
kinda feel like my confidence gets me used and people think I won't notice or think about it as much but oh well....
Dec 2018 · 59
Christmas
Estella Dec 2018
The most wonderful time of the year?
Tis the season to be jolly?
It doesn't feel very wonderful.
Not without you.
No decorations,
No popcorn sewing,
No cheesy movies,
No baking partner,
No happy family,
but saddest of all,
No you.
just missing you this Christmas season
Dec 2018 · 76
Thats all you'll ever be
Estella Dec 2018
I would say we are pretty close.
I tell you almost everything.
You are one of the only guys
I have ever trusted.
The trust is only for friendship though.
I could never trust you
With anything more.
I know how much you lie–
How much you talk–
How often you flirt–
How much you hide.
I understand why you do it.
I would too if I'd have been through
What you have.
But if any girl ever asks me about you,
I will be honest:
You're a great friend but
Thats all you could ever be.
finally sorted my feelings out for once :)
Dec 2018 · 157
feelings
Estella Dec 2018
for once,
I can't even use poetry.
to explain,
this thing I am feeling.
Dec 2018 · 89
Untitled
Estella Dec 2018
Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
I have nothing nice
To say about you.
Dec 2018 · 810
Bullies
Estella Dec 2018
Dear ___,
You have used me. You used me to get to my family. You have tried me. You tried to claim I was lesbian. You have found humor in my pride. You made fun of my innocence. You have found ways to scar my privacy. You whispered when I walked into the room. You have given me internal wounds I didn't know could exist. The looks you gave me felt like daggers in the back of my head. I know you hate me. I just wish I knew why. I have done everything I can to be nice to you. I tried apologizing, but there is only so much I have in me before I break– and right now, I am beyond breaking point. You made fun of my friends, even more than you did to me. The only good thing was their's was to their face, but mine was behind my back. I wish it was to my face. I wish I knew why you hated me. You have so much control on people and manipulated them to an extent that I don't know I could forgive. The fear they have for you is far from love or respect. It is purely terror of a ruined reputation, relationship, or life. I am just happy I am free from you and I pray for the ones that aren't
just a note to everyone who has bullied me in my life and is a reason for my lack of joy :(
Nov 2018 · 60
Untitled
Estella Nov 2018
I don't think I will ever fall in love.
Yes, I'm young.
Yes, I know I have time.
But–
I'm too scared.
I don't wanna get hurt.
I don't need a broken heart.
The risk seems too great.
here's a draft I have had for a few months, I've been trying to finish it, but I've decided that you guys can finish it for me <3
Nov 2018 · 113
Lesson Five
Estella Nov 2018
Everyone can fake a smile
Lies can be easily caught
Innocence is rare
All it takes is one comment for a ruined point of view
*** is a common topic
for now this is my last one but these will probably continue for a while, they actually help. highly recommend it
Nov 2018 · 73
Lesson Four
Estella Nov 2018
Confused isn't always bad
All you can do is try
Love is shown in many ways
Eggs
Being hidden hurts like hell
Nov 2018 · 117
Lesson Three
Estella Nov 2018
Good looks+**** attitude=**** person
All you need is a smile to change your perspective on someone
Babies get bad reputations
Bad attitude=bad friendship
It hurts to be hidden
Nov 2018 · 220
Lesson Two
Estella Nov 2018
Cussing is unattractive
Helping the ones you love is vital
Reasoning with each other isn't always possible
Ignorance is painful to look at
Secret friendship isn't healthy friendship
To always be there for someone is the most common lie told
Invitations mean nothing
Anyone can say they will never leave, no one guarantees it
Neglect hurts like hell
Nov 2018 · 84
Lesson One
Estella Nov 2018
Kindness does not always mean a good friendship
Always be there for them, even they aren't there for you.
Realize we all makes mistakes.
Lies are common in friendship, but so is Love
Everyone deserves a second chance
Easygoing friendships don't mean healthy friendships
a start of a series I am doing to reconcile with those who have hurt me. each line is a lesson they taught me about life, friendship, or both
Nov 2018 · 53
Coverup
Estella Nov 2018
You know,
I'm not like other girls.
I'm not pretty.
My face is full of flaws—
But I refuse to cover them up.
No makeup makes me look confident.
I'm sure i could be pretty —
That is—
If I tried.
Instead,
I fake confidence.
This gets me used.
Im always the girl used,
That way they can hit on my friends.
That way they don't have to worry,
Worry about them being jealous of me.
Because who would be jealous of me?
A girl who doesn't wear makeup
just to cover up her lack of confidence.
hahahhahaha i hate the honesty in this but it is so true...
Estella Nov 2018
You know–
I tried to make amends,
I tried to prove to you
that I had changed.
I apologized for treating
you wrong.
My actions even showed different.
I tried to talk more,
but all you did was ******* off.
And no,
all of that was not just to win
you back over.
It was not fake.
I meant it.
I meant every single word.
I'm sorry that I'm going through a lot.
I didn't mean to burden you,
Its not like you promised me you
would ALWAYS be there,
but my mistake,
No one can ALWAYS be there.
So maybe I should just stop
Trying to get help from others,
because you have shown me,
that words mean nothing anymore.
honestly just heartbroken by the way a friend treated me and I just really had to let it all out.
Nov 2018 · 74
Others:
Estella Nov 2018
you are selfish,
you forget about things,
you forget about me.
When I need you most,
You have taught me you
won't be there.
now I know,
I know I am the only thing
I can depend on,
because others don't care.
part 3 :) hope you enjoyed
Nov 2018 · 46
Myself:
Estella Nov 2018
Me–
I am selfish, yet I also care.
Sometimes..
well,
most times,
I care too much.
I care about others,
the selfish thing is,
I sorta sometimes care about
What they think of me.
Yet–
I also care about them––Too Much.
They are the reason I am alive.
I don't want them to suffer,
I don't want them to think it's their fault.
I want to help them,
show them that life is good,
that life can be good,
even when it's hard to find.
part two of my series
Nov 2018 · 377
Life:
Estella Nov 2018
Life is not fair,
Life is good to the worst of people.
Yet–
Life is the worst to the best of people.
This is just part of a series I am starting, lately I have learned a lot about life, myself, and people so I just wanted to share each of those things with you and poetry is the only way I know how.
Estella Nov 2018
I've realized something lately,
Our world is one cruel place.
It's cannot be compared to anything,
for anything cruel is from this world,
yet everything good is too.
It makes no sense.
I truly wish it did,
But all I can say is,
This World is One Cruel Place
full of Everything Good.
this may make no sense to you, but to me it means so much. Love you all for reading <3
Oct 2018 · 51
Done
Estella Oct 2018
You say you have been listening,
but do you even know why I am upset?
You hide me from others.
It's almost like you're embarrassed by me.
You ditch me and make plans with others.
You break promises,
You never act like you care anymore.
It's like you forget about me half the time.
We have plans, then you never tell me
where,
when,
or how.
You just leave me hanging until last minutes.
Until it's too late and you break my heart.
You say you have been listening
But you seem to forget about me.
If you really cared you wouldn't do this.
Right? or wrong?
When I truly love someone,
I would do anything to never let them leave.
And right now I am on the verge of leaving
And you should know it.
But you are too stupid to notice.
I've given you a chance,
multiple actually.
But I'm ******* done
Oct 2018 · 51
I can't
Estella Oct 2018
It's not that I could never love you,
You're the only person
I have ever come close to loving.
There is just one thing that stops me.
Her.
You still think you love her.
You think she is the best
You could ever have.
but–
little do you know
she doesn't love you.
True love doesn't act like that.
True love won't control you.
True love trusts.
True love cares.
And true love just isn't there.
I want to love you,
I really do,
But waiting is breaking my heart.
And it hurts.
Because I was always there for you.
And she never was.
I was the one that has always understood,
and she never does.
I am the one that pretends like it doesn't hurt.
I  can take the pain,
But only for so long.
But time is running out,
And I can't do this much longer
I don't know guys... this is probably the most honest poem I have written in a while. The formant *****. It is very random, and it makes little sense, but I hope y'all can understand
Oct 2018 · 343
Untitled
Estella Oct 2018
You know–
I had this crazy thought once.
I thought I might actually be capable of loving you,
And that is something special.
I have never been able to truly love.
Love involves too many risks.
These risks I have never been willing to make.
And you have taught me how common they are.
Once I thought I could truly love you,
You failed me.
You ignored me.
I never asked you to constantly talk to me,
But ignoring me isn't fair either.
I have always been there for you,
And you act like you don't even care sometimes.
I'm sorry if I annoy you,
Just tell me–
I won't do it again.
I'm sorry if you hate me,
Just tell me–
I don't need you in my life.
My life was fine before you came along,
Who says you leaving will make it any different?
this is honestly just a crazy rant of heartbreak but I am sure someone understands :(
Sep 2018 · 57
Confuzzdled
Estella Sep 2018
I don't understand–
You can't say the signals weren't mixed.
You're the one that leaned on me first.
You're the one who put your arm around me.
It's not my fault I fell asleep on you.
We do it every time.
You say you enjoy the movies...
You say you want to hang out...
You lay on me on the couch...
You fell asleep on me too.
Everything I ever did was to be nice.
I didn't mean for it to end up like this.
I don't want to ruin what we have,
But honestly, what we have isn't much anymore
Don't mind the title it just perfectly describes my current emotions
Sep 2018 · 262
Untitled
Estella Sep 2018
It’s not that i have fallen in love with him,
I think its more simple than that.
I have fallen in love with the idea of love.
i desire to fall in love.
To feel his skin on mine.
To feel his lips gently kiss mine.
To feel his arms wrapped around me.
To have a soulmate,
a best friend,
a lover,
I just want the feeling of love....
I totally rushed the ending but I don't know how to make it perfect but I think y'all get my point.
much love <3
Sep 2018 · 69
Numb
Estella Sep 2018
Death is hard.
It's hard to understand
and it's hard to deal with.
Every time someone close
to me dies,
I shut more people out.
I lose emotion.
It's easier to deal
with something,
when you can't feel.
When you are numb to the pain.
Death has made me numb.
Numb to emotion,
Numb to pain,
and–
sadly,
death
has
made
me
numb
to
love.
Sep 2018 · 250
Untitled
Estella Sep 2018
I want to fall in love,
I want to fall deep in love.
I want someone who will
hold me while I cry.
I want a chest to fall asleep on.
I want a heartbeat that keeps mine steady.
I want a hand that fits mine better than a glove.
I want someone to look at me
with a sparkle in their eyes
and a corny grin on their face.
I want someone who will cry with me,
cry for me,
and cry because of me.
I want someone to watch the sunset with,
even on the cloudy days.
I want to look at someone
and immediately know it's gonna be okay.
I want a prankster.
I want a feeling where
I can cry laughing even when
I'm old and my hair is gray.
I want a smile that lights up the room,
and never fails to light up my face.
I want memories.
I want stories.
I never want to grow old of each other,
I just want to grow old with each other.
I guess what I want is you,
But could you come any faster?
this definitely isn't perfect, but I think this explains how I feel pretty well! I hope you enjoy
Sep 2018 · 268
Pretty Ones
Estella Sep 2018
Here's the thing:
I'm not pretty like these other girls.
I don't take good selfies,
I don't flirt for attention,
I don't dress to impress.
I don't wear makeup,
I don't take an hour to get ready in the morning.
I don't care what anyone thinks of me.
I know I am seen as pretty,
Only because I am confident.
I have never cared about my looks.
My appearance has never bothered me.
I can freely be myself
without a worry in the world.
I guess that's my problem.
I'm not pretty like them,
I'm pretty like me.
And sometimes I hate that.
Not because I am pretty,
but because all the Pretty Ones hate me.
Sep 2018 · 47
Untitled
Estella Sep 2018
I don't really know what to do.
We were never in a relationship.
You were just my best friend.
And I guess she hated me for it.
I never liked you,
I loved you like a brother.
We never did anything wrong,
you weren't even dating her.
Yet–
she still couldn't know when we hung out,
she still couldn't know I sent your streaks,
she still got mad you sent mine.
You say you didn't care but
your actions proved otherwise.
I'm just tired of feeling like
The girl you are using to cheat on with.
I guess I realized our friendship wasn't fair.
You were always there for me,
and I tried to be there for you.
Yet you still always proved your loyalty to her...
Aug 2018 · 82
Untitled
Estella Aug 2018
so many things have changed lately.
but out of the all the things that changed,
what hurts the most is you.
Aug 2018 · 80
Untitled
Estella Aug 2018
I've messed up a lot lately.
I've ruined friendships,
I've given up on relationships,
I have given up on everything and everyone.
They don't text anymore.
That daily "I love you,"
turned into a daily streak snap.
I don't get a lot of things anymore,
I especially don't get why
I have given up
On myself
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