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 Mar 2018 shania rose
Depression is...
Drowning but watching everyone breathe
Playing hide and go seek; never to be found
Acting; but not for a play
Depression is me losing my mind behind closed doors
Depression is digging my grave
I have become depression,
**You're next...
i can feel the fat pouring off my body
and every time i show my ugly *** smile
my chin starts to double

my thighs rub together every time i take a step
and my stomach pops out of every shirt

people always tell me that I'm making this up
as if i can't see whats in the mirror
they are lying

i guess this is what they call
an eating disorder
 Nov 2016 shania rose
Haydn Swan
 Nov 2016 shania rose
Haydn Swan
no hunger,
have to eat,
fill the emptiness,
throw up,
eat again,
throw up,
nothing fills,
only the pills.
Bulimia is still a widely misunderstood and serious condition, this is my contribution to raise awareness for it and other eating disorders.
Not poetry.

But please read? It's important. I promise.
 Nov 2016 shania rose
"you should eat", said they
"i can't," said i, "i just can't."
 Nov 2016 shania rose
sometimes she cries when she prays
think she's got it all worked out
sometimes the ocean only waves
never stays

she couldve held me through this
i know i dont deserve it
but ima still be selfish

im trying to be the good one here
but its so hard to hear anyone cheer me on
im working on it alright
wearing the same clothes twice
forgetting to eat
letting my phone die

"what are you going to do when im not around?"
my mind only drifts to the sound
you'll let me out
keep my mouth shut
eyes on the floor
my back to the door
can't tell anybody anything anymore

feel like youre hating me more and more
listening to too much frank ocean
 Nov 2016 shania rose
 Nov 2016 shania rose
Even though the clouds
Clouds announcing your arrival
Have disappeared
Have fallen into sullen blues
And the furthest reaches of heaven
I will always feel the storm they brought
The destruction which they wrought

The rain will always put me under

The soil accepts the pain
As way to regeneration
It only stings my skin
While it slowly brings my end
As though the flowers bloom
Im only left to whither further
And each part of hope I held becomes such bitter rot

The rain will always put me under

I only learned of the stars
Because the way in which I saw them
Was something beautiful to you
I only know when it rains
There is no ceiling
Only grey
Only thunderbolts and lightning to change my faith
Into something lesser
I only feel every drop
Because there is no sky at night
I'm only me alone
And you alone

The rain will always put me under
 Nov 2016 shania rose
King and kingdom
Fall apart while I still see straight
I know that bones are all the same
Only memory
Never name
Our inaccurate history
Our most hated fate

Becomes mine
Becomes me
Our whole lives spent on becoming
I once was king

I once held
Until my hands grew weak

Source and sorcery
I held noble aim of heart
I was once king
If only in my mind
If only in my dreams
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