I need you.

These words are true,

but it's hard for me to put them in a sentence.

I can't say them out loud because that would mean that I depend on you.

I want to get to know you.

But I forget that I can't get close to someone who's never there.

I wish I could go to ball games with you.

I wish I could have looked out into the audience in the middle

of a recital and see your face in the crowd.

I wish I could see the same look on your face that they do.

You always look so proud when you talk to them, talk about them

and even when you look at them.

Especially when you talk about the one that got away.

You praise her. Even after everything that's happened you're still proud of her.

I wish I had that.

I wish I could see that radiating smile of yours and know that it's for me too.

For something that I've done that you were so unbelievably proud of.

I know I'm not yours, not really.

I know that you're trying your best. I understand that it's not easy with three kids in the house.

I also know that it's harder because I'm older than she was when you first got her,

and I'm older than the kids are now.

I try to make you proud, I really do.

I study for every test and hand in every homework assignment.

I await the scores so I can run home and tell you what they are.

After telling you the news you always have the same stern look on your face.

I feel as if I'm never good enough.

I even got a job and am trying to learn the value of money.

I try to be smart. Sometimes you say I'm not,

and just to prove you wrong I try to impress you by telling you useless facts.

But it still doesn't seem to be good enough.

Is it because I'm too boring, too loud, too girly, too lazy, or because I spend too much time on tumblr?

Is it because I don't look like the rest of you?

Is it because... I'm nothing like she was?

I know that she was your baby girl.

I know that you'll always hold a special place for her in your heart.

But I was second. Doesn't that count for something?

Maybe you actually are proud of me.

Maybe I'm just over analyzing this like I do everything else.

Maybe...

Just maybe.

But I've still never seen it.

I've never seen that radiating smile that they've all seen...

Oh how I'd **** to see it.

Love,

It's what Shakespeare wrote about.

Love,

It's what almost every girl dreams to have someday.

Love,

It's what I wish for on every shooting star.

Love,

It's shown in all the Disney films I've ever watched.

Love.

Love?

What is love?!

"It's one of the most difficult, unanswered

questions of all mankind."

Well ain't that the truth?

Love,

"It's an intense feeling of deep affection."

No way, love is much more than that.

Love,

It's that "care and affection we have for our country."

I certainly don't love those I care

about the same way I "love our country."

So it must be more than that.

Love,

Some believe that it's just a romantic

or ****** attachment to someone.

It's clearly much more than that.

Love...

It must be that tingly feeling we get

when we're with that special someone.

Love,

It must be that emptiness we

get when you're without them.

Love,

It must be that small heartbreak

whenever we try and picture our lives without them.

Love,

It must be that extraordinary interest

we have in someone, no matter how boring they truly are.

Love,

It must be that one thing that makes

us stay with them even when they hurt us.

Love,

It must be what makes us look past all

of the flaws that someone

has and just see the good in them.

Love,

It must be that crazy thing we have.

Raindrops on wood floors,
sly, creaking doors.
Bumps in the night,
screaming with fright.
Your blankie, grasped tight,
eyes, searching for light.
Shouting and fighting,
bawling and hiding.
You run, you cry,
but you can't deny.
He's here again,
"Come, so we can begin."
No, please stay away,
I promise, I promise I won't disobey.
You kick, you scream,
you bite, you dream.
But another night lost,
you sleep from exhaust.
Tomorrows a new day,
maybe this time he'll stay away.

No one would take the gun away if I threatened to put a bullet through my head.

No one would pump my stomach if I took a hand full of pills.

No one would grab a fire extinguisher if I were to set myself ablaze.

No one would give me CPR if I were to jump off a bridge and let water fill my lungs.

No one would put pressure on my wounds if I were to cut this way and that.

No one would grab 'the jaws of life' and pull me from my car if I were to drive it into a wreck.

No one would cut the rope and save me if I were to hang myself.

If I were to die tonight, I'd be all alone - waiting for the angels or the darkness to make me a new home.

Our quickening breath,

the screeching of tires,

the smashing of metals,

the car has crashed.

There's nothing to do,

nothing to see.

It's all over now,

just let it be.

I walk away slowly,

away from their screams.

I close my eyes tight,

"Awake me from these dreams!"

I hear their calls,

deep in the night.

"Why didn't you save us?

You could have made things right!"

I cover my face, and feel something wet.

The sight of blood, I know I have met.

Bile rises in my throat,

I run to the door and grab my coat.

I go to the police station to rehash my story,

the detective squirms because it's too gory.

I leave the dark building,

lost in my terrors.

I missed the bus,

I'm so full of errors.

I walk in the rain,

past the old road that has caused me so much pain.

I see a figure in the distant pier,

"Is that you my dear?"

"Daddy daddy help me I'm stuck in my seat.

Don't be a coward, get on your feet!"

The pain the pain, so much pain.

By staying here I have nothing to gain.

I know what I must do;

I must get there quick,

before too long they will discover my trick.

In the cupboard there lays a gun,

calling to me, "I am so much fun."

I pick it up and lock in a bullet,

put it to my head and know I can show it.

One, two, three, four.

There's a knock at the door.

Maybe next time my friend,

we've been caught once again.

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt?

Have you ever loved someone so much that you realized that life without them would mean nothing to you?

Have you ever loved someone so much that even after knowing all their faults, flaws and dark secrets that you still love them, proving your love for that one special person to be unconditional?

Have you ever loved someone so much that you know for a 110% fact in your heart that if another person was pointing a gun at them that you would put yourself in front of that bullet just to saved your love one?

I have... And I would do anything for him, even if it meant a federal offense.

Because I know he would do the same for me too.

I love you.

Love yourself, more than anyone or anything.
Be your own number 1,
Because at the end of the day, you only have yourself.
Love yourself, the way you want someone else to love you.
Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you,
That way you'll know when you're treated badly.
Take care of your body,
Love every curve, every bump, every scar, every stretch,
Love it all!
Don't be ashamed of who you are.
Show others what they're missing out on.
Once you're comfortable with every little quirk about yourself,
Do it all over again.
Soon after, you will find your true love.
Because all those quirks that you love,
They'll love too.

How close I will be to a certain death,
as the clock at my bedside strikes midnight.
There will be no prince to rescue me,
or to be kneeling on one knee the next day.
Sliding on the glass slipper I wore to the most extraordinary night of my life...
It's 12 o'clock and still I am obsolete
It's 12 o'clock and it becomes more apparent to me,
that this is it...
It's coming closer.
Loneliness creeps in, making its way through my veins.
Procuring its torturous ritual as it's done time and time again,
but this time is different.
I can feel myself drifting, fading away into the darkness.
I scream but there is no sound to be heard and no one around to hear it.
It's 12 o'clock midnight and I lay here alone in my grave,
waiting for this unknown stranger to rescue me.
My eyes adjust to the darkness,
I blink once, twice, three times...
It's the clock.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding...
(Darkness)

They ask me if I still love you.

I blush, grin and say;

“Of course.”

Your eyes are of the most beautiful ocean blue,

but other days they're the currents of the stormy grey sea.

They tell me a story.

I see a current of salty water, deep, once blue, but now a faded grey.

I see a bundle of darkened grey clouds in the distance,

and the thunder rumbles from within.

I hear the old cry of your eyes, pounding in my ears.

I wonder if you knew,

Did you know I could see these memories and the pain they bring you?

That I look deep into your eyes and see the pain you once endured?

I wonder if you can see mine as well, hidden beneath the dark brown and black.

Can you see the pain be wiped away by the stormy grey of your blue eyes?

Can you see my eyes lighten up from the darkness?

From the hell that they’ve lived in for so long?

I know that you love me,

but do you love me enough to keep the darkness away forever?

I can see a spark of lightening flash, only once in a while

within your ocean of blues and greys.

That’s when I can tell you’re truly happy,

Every time I see that flash of lightening I know that we were meant to be.

I want someone to play with my hair and draw circles on my back.

I want someone to cuddle with on cold rainy days.

I want someone to kiss my forehead softly.

I want someone to play pretend with.

I want someone to tell me I'm cute.

I want someone to hold my hand.

I want someone to tease me.

I want someone to hug me.

I want someone.

I want you.

Her poems make me hurt even more,

Especially because I realize how unbelievably true they are.

I'm fighting back tears right now because the one that causes me pains is in the other room.

It hurts to keep fighting it all the time.

I fight it just so I can show her that I am stronger than her words and her actions.

I hate fighting a battle I know I will never win.

I hate that I try so hard not to ***** up, but she always, always, finds something that I missed.

I hate that I'm the only one that puts forth the effort.

I miss you.

I miss us.

I'm so angry, so undoubtedly angry because you don't care.

You only pay attention to me when it's convenient for you.

I'm just an accessory.

You don't treat me like I'm yours.

You call me your princess but I feel like Cinderella before she met her Prince.

You've taken so much from me,

and every time I try earning something of my own it's never good enough.

I'm never good enough for you.

I'm not smart enough for you.

I'm not perfect enough for you.

I'm just me.

I wish you could only see that.

I fill my world and my thoughts with hopes and dreams.

Every time I try to share them with you, you always shoot them down.

You expect me to live right next door to you forever.

So that I can be there for you whenever you need me.

But I'm not going to.

I plan on moving far away.

I plan on leaving here when the time is right.

And you're the one who did this.

You're the one who made this happen.

You're the one who never cared.

You're the one who pushed me away.

I love you mommy.

I just wish you could have realized that.

But I'm afraid that it might be too late for you to try and fix things.

I'm far too damaged,

but you're too blind to see it.

I have a beautiful story to tell...

It all started with this boy and a girl; they lived in two different worlds, they didn't talk much and they hardly knew each other.
One day a mutual friend of theirs named Allie had heard about how poorly things were going in both of their worlds. She figured that it might be a good idea to turn these two unhappy people happy using her magical powers.
Upon their first meeting as potential companions, they were a little timid but eventually they moved past that and became great friends.
They started hanging out with each other every chance they could, they talked to each other non stop and talked about each other twice as much; they became inseparable.
As time passed, the two people with two different worlds became so close that their worlds formed a bridge and eventually combined into one.
It has been over a year now and the sad boy and girl share a love that is stronger than anyone has ever seen.
They talk about their future and make plans as if time has no end, and in their beautiful world, it doesn't.


I love you.

School, school, school

Too bad it isn't cool.

It *****,

drama bites,

the teachers are mean,

the students are cruel.

Why can't I leave?

Oh yeah... IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!

The lunch room is loud,

people are staring.

I want to go home,

I hate these strange glarings.

The people are odd,

there are too many strangers,

but the friends I do have

do really great favors.

What would life be without color?
Imagine yourself sitting on a porch on a midsummer morning gazing out beyond the thick greens of trees to the beautiful sunrise.
What do you feel?
Do you feel happiness and warmth from the vibrant reds, yellows and pinks?
Can you feel the cool summer breeze graze across your tanned skin as you reminisce about the previous day at the beach on that beautiful blue afternoon?
Now imagine yourself viewing this same scene and reminiscing in black and white.
Can you still feel the same feelings of warmth?

Color brings life to every occasion; they add emotions good and bad.
When people think of love they think of hearts, flowers, reds and pinks.
Many people say that the color of a rose has no effect on how it smells.
That may be true, but it adds to the beauty of the flower.
It’s much better to gaze upon something so vibrantly painted than it is to view something grey and dull like the rest of life.
It’s refreshing to see something so wonderful and beautiful every now and again.
Realizing that life is beautiful, colorful and exciting is what keeps people going; it gives them hope - it makes them dream.

When people think of sadness or depression they often associate it with blacks and greys.
If someone who was sad were to open their eyes and see that there is still good in the world then they might just realize that they don’t have to live under a blanket of sadness.
These people could bring themselves out of the darkness and view the world with new eyes, eyes that see color and happiness everywhere and in everything.
After the storm, there is almost always a rainbow but what is the point of having a rainbow if you can’t see its colors?

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect friend.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect student.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect girlfriend.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect sister.

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect shoulder to cry on,

but if you give me a chance I will try and do my absolute best at everything.

That's all I need,

just a chance.

A chance to spread my wings and try and be the best butterfly I can be.

If that fails, may I turn into a beautiful flower.

If I'm not beautiful enough to be a flower,

then hopefully I'll deliver the sweetest nectar in the hive.

If I'm not the sweetest then may I become a part of the best honey sold in the market.

If I'm not the best in the market then maybe while you're shoveling your face full I'll make it

unbearable for you to digest

and give you the biggest pains of your life.

Because after all...

you didn't accept my best.