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Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
and he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
just this old guitar and a bottle of *****.
Now I don't blame him because he run and hid,
but the meanest thing that he ever did was
before he left he went and named me Sue.

Well, he must have thought it was quite a joke,
and it got lots of laughs from a lot of folks,
it seems I had to fight my whole life through.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
and some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,
I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean.
My fist got hard and my wits got keen.
Roamed from town to town to hide my shame,
but I made me a vow to the moon and the stars,
I'd search the ***** tonks and bars and ****
that man that gave me that awful name.

But it was Gatlinburg in mid July and I had
just hit town and my throat was dry.
I'd thought i'd stop and have myself a brew.
At an old saloon in a street of mud
and at a table dealing stud sat the *****,
mangy dog that named me Sue.

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
from a worn-out picture that my mother had
and I knew the scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old
and I looked at him and my blood ran cold,
and I said, "My name is Sue. How do you do?
Now you're gonna die." Yeah, that's what I told him.

Well, I hit him right between the eyes and he went down
but to my surprise he came up with a knife
and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair
right across his teeth. And we crashed through
the wall and into the street kicking and a-gouging
in the mud and the blood and the beer.

I tell you I've fought tougher men but I really can't remember when.
He kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile.
I heard him laughin' and then I heard him cussin',
he went for his gun and I pulled mine first.
He stood there looking at me and I saw him smile.

And he said, "Son, this world is rough and if
a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
and I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along.
So I gave you that name and I said 'Goodbye'.
I knew you'd have to get tough or die. And it's
that name that helped to make you strong."

Yeah, he said, "Now you have just fought one
helluva fight, and I know you hate me and you've
got the right to **** me now and I wouldn't blame you
if you do. But you ought to thank me
before I die for the gravel in your guts and the spit
in your eye because I'm the nut that named you Sue."
Yeah, what could I do? What could I do?

I got all choked up and I threw down my gun,
called him pa and he called me a son,
and I came away with a different point of view
and I think about him now and then.
Every time I tried, every time I win and if I
ever have a son I think I am gonna name him
Bill or George - anything but Sue.
I opened my eyes
And looked up at the rain,
And it dripped in my head
And flowed into my brain,
And all that I hear as I lie in my bed
Is the slishity-slosh of the rain in my head.

I step very softly,
I walk very slow,
I can't do a handstand--
I might overflow,
So pardon the wild crazy thing I just said--
I'm just not the same since there's rain in my head.
I remember the times we never had.
The moments we never shared.
The long nights of conversations composed of the sweet echoing of nothingness.
The days where we did nothing but we did everything.
I remember it all.
I remember the first date that never happened.
We went out to see a movie and eventually went for a walk around the block.
A walk that lasted **** near 3 hours.
I remember how sore your legs never were after that walk.
The moonlit sky, no clouds to hide the empty darkness, the sounds of emptiness echoed from every missing star.
The first kiss that never occurred happened under that sky.
Those “memories” keep playing back to me on days like this.
I take in every moment that never happened as if it was a dream sewn to the edges of my heart, I don't want to let go... But it never happened.
What's there to let go of?
I remember months passing, I treasured every moment I got to hear your voice.
The sweet honey of your words reverberating at the edges of my subconscious, slipping into reality.
I remember memories of dreams of hallucinations dipped in the wishing well of my heart.
And then I remember the bad times that never happened.
The arguments about things that would be forgotten.
The fights over things that never existed.
I remember how we made up.
I don't think I would have meant anything as much as I would have when I told you I was sorry.
I remember it all.
The “I love you's” in the middle of the night.
No reason to say it, we just wanted to..
But then I remember something that I should never have forgotten.
We never had memories of what love was.
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
b for short
mainly for its cold
and my aching curves, due to
nights spent keeping warm.
© Bitsy Sanders, November 2013
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
Emily
Why?
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
Emily
You lied
You said it was me
Despite it all
I was myself
You assured me of that
All logic went away from me
Because I kept doing something
I knew was wrong
I was simply overtaken
By my raw emotion
And my unbearable need
To make you feel loved
They say the road to hell
Is paved with good intentions
I know I meant well
Now look where I am
More without you than I've ever been
Regretting that horrible decision
I just want to know one thing
Why don't you love me?
© Peyton 2013
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
Sia Jane
I haven't written
My inspiration squandered
Without her, my only muse
Words escape me
As my mind will only
Be occupied by her presence
And a war in my mind dominates
The place she once held
So beautifully, so gracefully
For all those months
And now she seems lost
Or more, I am forgotten
Light to dark, I am left
Saying goodbye has never seemed
So high and dry
I'm trying hard not to assume
And yet again, this war in
My mind occupies
Me even in the days of
Endless distraction
I'm ******* crazy
The city buzzes, crowds shuffle
Past me, in a dazed state
I look up, hearing her voice
I escape, I wander, I ride
Territory so familiar
I don't want to lose her
My muse, my love, my
Life source that keeps my heart
Beating, making me crazy
I love her
Three words of such
Worth
I feel abandoned carrying only
My heart, raw and exposed
Until it eventually fades
Knocking me out and
Forcing me
To start
Anew
But even concuss and
Bleeding, she's all
I desire.
Love please let me go
Unless she too
Wants me.

© Sia Jane

"A love like that was a serious illness, an illness from which you never entirely recover."

Charles Bukowski
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
Sia Jane
I built a sand castle around myself
I spend hours on each intricate detail
I built the castle the way I dreamed as a child
I made sure it had all those hidden doors
The ones that weave intermittently from one wing to the next
In the tunnels are where I lose myself with my imagination
The castle keeps me safe from the bad guys
I always have a place to hide within these walls
As I lug myself about crawling on my knees
I drag a life time of sorrows worries and needs
They come in journals
Those hard backed limited editions
The beautiful ones you get scared to write in
Because you don't want to damage their perfection
You pick them up from the second hand book store
The Strand on the corner of East 12th Street
You, your journal and a months' worth of reading
You walk into Books of Wonder
From the days you were read to at night as a child
I always believed that stories last a life time
That even in those worn down books
Oh those beautiful ones where you find a love letter
From decades ago
And you carry that book and pass over
The $2 and the stories live on
And the stories of those who bought the book live on
My castle was built with my fair hands
It's weathered almost all storms
I let no one in and it wasn't until
The day that I did
That the ocean of emotion I carried within
Flooded out and drowned us all
Me, those innocent characters and the books
The precious precious books, soaked and blurred
Out to sea we went
Books floating
Hearts bleeding
Bodies freezing

© Sia Jane

---

“We read to know that we are not alone.”
William Nicholson
 Dec 2013 Shanay Love
Phillip
Wrapped Around My Heart

Memories Of You Hold Tighter Than A Mothers Grip

I Long For Your Presence

Meer Dialogue Cripples My Heart

Rub My Mystical Bottle And These Shall Be My Wishes

To Stare Into Your Eyes Would Be My First

To Hold You Firm My Second

To Feel Our Hearts And Souls Tied Together For Eternity - My Last.

So Close But Complexly Intangible

The Breath To My Spark When You Pass

When That Sly Witty Remark Slaps My Face I Cant Help But To Laugh

Yin To My Yang

Sunrise To My Earth

Without You I Am Simply A Fraction Of My True Self

Your Touch Like A Kiss From The Sun

Change For You Is Change For The Better

My Life Without You Will Mean Nothing But Wasted Breath

Destiny Shall Be The Link To Join Us Again
A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.
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