I just wanted to go out and play I would say
I just wanted to have fun
I never meant to cry wolf
I thought I was one
I thought we were all friends

Life was testing me
I was younger, full of heart
But the world left me hungry
And soon I was ravenous, wild
I flew the coop
Let's scatter

And Victoria was on the row
our faces were in the snow
you don't know me, no
it was all just a part of the show
just for show
you wouldn't know, no
you had to be there

We were 19 and on fire,
He said he felt inspired
My eyelashes tickled his neck one time and he lost himself in love, said let's go higher
Once I started I kept going until consciousness left me
A liability, it's not pretty
You should have just crashed your car, you thought

my fur was violet
I was always fighting with myself alone and howling at the moon


I faked it all to live
I'm a doll, I said
I modelled, I kissed you after the party after you told me about that tree, you said you almost died hanging on
I fell right then
I cried that day
It was your fake chemicals we ate
You tricked my heart

We ripped in the bitty,
Need a pack of cigarettes, no, butts
Need to go out and get that grass
Let's get lit. Let's go.
I'm writing a book, I insisted.
After this is all said and done.

After that was all said and done.

"You're too much" he said.
So I left, and I made a house of cards so tall and delicate
I drank, put on my ballet slippers
You tried, I yelped
Nice try!

Took acid that night, with Maxxie
He knocked at the door and I barked like a dog
Bathed in pastels and I was skin and bone
I felt so alone, I was just skin and bone
Powder in my teacups
Red hieroglyphics on my skin
I cut off some fur
Bleached it here, and there
And I ran scared

No one scared me like I scared myself.
My heart, I took it out and stuck it on the shelf.

December 20th 2013
"D-Day", I whispered
Mom unlocked her door
Made me Mac and cheese.
I showed up at Heather's office in Hello kitty footy pajamas after my first nap in days
Succombing to the vanity, I threw on a dress and got into character
I was very small
I felt so very small
I wasn't there at all

I was like, Doctor, let me catch you up
But she cut me off, yeah
She cut me right off and got on her phone cause she heard the yelps, the howls
underneath the barks
She could smell the forest fires
She said I was mad, no I wasn't bad.
"But we have to put you away."

So that day, I got put away

Again

The ambulance came and I laughed in hysterics and said you better just take these now
Here's the candy...

The Show must go on
Please don't put me down

Yeah, they put me down alright

black hair, black nails
the smoke in the room burns stale
I disappear into the shadows
extinguished with the ash of my cigarettes
that burn away like a cloud of doom
like the lonely blackness I feel in my room

your eyes burned out
of my periphery like dead stars
the night fell over me
a burning shadow
I am a spark of a wick
I wanna take you apart
see what makes you tick

and I can't shake this malady
I want to blur the lines of reality

you found me
in the drunkest slum
of my life, an alleyway
of my broken dreams
glittering like my eyes on you
the night you fell asleep beside me

I lost you
my eyes grew vacant
somewhere between blood
on the pages, ego in the dirt
innocence burning up
and exploding like fireworks
you lost me somewhere
as everything became a blur
on an uncharted trip to hell and back

I’m still trying to find my way back
I’m still knocking on heavens door
I used to have wings but
the angels don’t believe me

please just believe me

the sunset left
a dark forest
to trek through
I tried to retrace
my steps- backward
pick up the trail of my
wounded ugly pieces
-my broken trail of regrets
and it took me to places
I did not want to find myself
falling behind;

I think I am losing my mind

the darkness falls
and I am with it, a bleeding star
much too near, yet gone too far