I woke up breathless and perplexed
The veil between reality and dreams hazy
I felt the ghost of your lips on mine
And then remembered they were never there to begin with

I had my first kiss late last night
While I laid down in bed
You pulled me closer
As my heart beat faster
I didn't have time to pull away
or to think about what was happening
or even if my breath smelled okay
But I felt your lips pressed against mine
And nothing else mattered
It didn't last long
And I yearned for more the second our lips parted
You smiled at me
I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling and realized
My first kiss was but a dream

When I was little, every Sunday I’d go to Church
I was a child drunk off of fairy tales and day dreams
And I loved the idea that we could go to heaven when we died
And the pastor looked me in the eyes and said
"God is with you."
And like any 5 year old would, I believed him

My family bowed our heads and prayed before every meal
But halfway through dinner they’d start yelling
And I remembered what the pastor told me
So I covered my ears and asked God to make it stop
But I felt all alone
And that’s why I’m an atheist

At school the kids would pick on me
I didn’t understand why they didn’t want me as a friend
And I prayed to God that they’d stop
But I also prayed for them too
Because I was a good Christian
And good Christians love their enemies
But nothing changed
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I remember the first time my mom hit me
One time during a fight
She told me I was stupid and worthless
And after a while I started believing what she said
I started to wonder
How could someone so hateful
Call them self a Christian?
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I prayed that God would make me beautiful
Because I wasn’t skinny
And I knew I wasn't good enough for that boy I liked
But every time I looked in the mirror, I felt the same
So I stopped kneeling in prayer
And started kneeling in front of the toilet
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I haven’t prayed in 5 years now
I have only one request of God if he exists
That he end the pain right now
But nothing happens
So once again, I will have to do things on my own
And standing so close to the edge
I think about how I used to love the idea of life after death
But now I’m obsessed with the thought that when I do
They’ll be nothing coming after
And I can have eternal sleep
And that’s why I’m an atheist

I beg for your presence
though all i really desire
is your quietness
along mine
being the loudest & loneliest
souls
of all
times.

I have seen sunsets
lovelier than you,
and you are not as
powerful as the ocean;
and cheesecake tastes sweeter
than your lips,
your hair does not quite
outshine the sun,
and a light breeze in May
is gentler
than your gentle hands.
I love the sound of your voice,
but there are symphonies
lovelier,
and the words of Neruda
are more well-versed
than any that you've spoken;
and yet,
your inadequacy leaves me
enchanted
like nothing in this world,
and I wouldn't live
or die
for sunsets and rhymes
but I'd live and die for you;
there is nothing
in this world
that I'd compare you to, and
some things are more beautiful,
but they don't mean as much.

I can feel it.
Just under the surface, it's there.
That hard prominent perfection.
Under my fingertips that trace my imperfections.
They are there.
Beautiful and white.
Just pull my skin tight and you can feel them too.