You have the kind of beauty that inspires
artists
poets
musicians
and lovers
Venus gifted you with more than you know what to do with

Truth be told
I don't know
who couldn't handle who

You melted every part of me
and I let you

You could do it again
just like in every lifetime I've met you

I wore necklaces of bruises when you felt so prompted to gift them
slipped me into sleeves of black and blue
watched my skin turn every hue of human
I remember one night I got brave
and painted you too

There were times you'd say you loved my eyes
so much so
you could never look at the stains your anger left behind
Who knew familiar hands would create the very reasons
I had to hide

There were entire days you spent trying to wash away the colors
attempting to convince me of the superficiality of my wounds
as secrets added up between the four walls of your room
Mornings were for recovery
but you'd see red if I couldn't forget by afternoon

He was a good man when he could be but love is not about convenience.

It's like I'm fighting time
never have enough but always wasting too much
waiting on time to fix the broken parts of "us"
wondering when things will feel right if they ever will

I'm still stuck on moments people said would heal
been struck by the realization that learning how to accept
is to learn how to deal
but acceptance comes with time
and through time wounds have been revealed

These days my words ring empty, my voice remains low
I've been made of broken promises
over the months it's started to show
Commitment to my future is all too rooted in my past
I need to let go of comfort
this time around I have to make the changes last

When do you think we'll stop drawing swords
and stitch the others wounds?
Would you fall for me again
if I fell for you?
After everything we've said and didn't do?

I'll stop crying
when I stop bleeding
and you'll stop leaving
when I start listening
And you'll restart your loyalty
like it's something you can play with
but this pain can be crippling
we're just raising inhibitions
and I can see my ego leaving blisters on your heart.

Why do we keep tearing each other apart?
Don't you get tired of burning each other down
while insisting that it's building each other up?

I'd take endless casualties to stand by your side
even if the gun's always in your hand
when it comes down to ride or die

You're all I think about.
Right now I'm a cigarette and two beers down;
I always speak more when I'm drinking.
Besides, I don't think you'd believe me when I'm sober.
Then, you'd be able to see through me
if I was trying to ******* over.

But I see you
hiding girls up your sleeve.
Just because you're my everything
doesn't mean I'm afraid to leave.
Being stuck inside your gravity may be addicting,
you know I love giving in to my sensitivities,
however, I'm not as naive as it may seem.

Am I stupid or in love?
Is the above synonymous?
I guess this is me trying to blame our problems on ideas.
Maybe if you had met who I'm supposed to be
instead of a hurt version of who I was
we would've worked out differently.
I wouldn't need so much time
and you might've been who I need you to be.

I'm still gonna love you with all that I've got
yet you think it's all talk.
I'm just asking for your patience in exchange for my stability,
expecting your loyalty
even though dishonesty's nothing new to me.
I'd rather hold us down
than lose out to possibility.
Rather fall first with you
than trip over bad timing.

There's no confidence in your voice when you make a promise already broken
the noise wavers in the air and I can taste your lies
a stale mix of cigarettes and lonely nights
but I wait for you to call
You know I'd be okay with being used
if you gave me the time of day to tolerate your abuse
but you won't call
those songs about me are getting bigger
but you still don't call
you made me too many promises to leave
but you never call.

With hands around my neck
I smiled as he pulled up my dress
year after year
the taste of fear
became a flavor of pain I knew best
Laid me down
turned me around
held my breath as he left whispers down my back
but I'd already drifted away
behind closed eyes
my mind kept trying
to disassociate  
Snapped back to reality with a slap on the ***
I giggled as he
did these things
because something about it filled in the cracks
The lace he'd given me
hid a stretch of scars
distracted from my arms
and I knew he'd say
"You look good in black"
wearing lingerie
that he could unsnap
just like he asked

Let me listen
I can feel what's on your mind
but you don't want to give in
I can see the strain on your shoulders
just behind that halfhearted grin
holding up the world only got worse as you got older
and you've got the proof on your skin
Used to hiding in bar chords and cigarettes
whenever your tolerance wore thin
I'd let you lean on me if you let me in
I'd be what you were missing
if you could've moved on from where you'd been

you were never mine

but at the time it felt good to pretend

so I let your lies build fantasies in my head

gave myself consent to believe in things you never should have said

now I chain smoke cigarettes in your name

cursing this ****** up fairy tale of modern day

I'm hanging on to the last time we touched
just a goodbye hug at the front door
and I know it's not much
but I don't think I ever loved you more
It's funny to think as I watched you leave
it was too early to say our I love you's
but too late for apologies
I'm sure what this world's got in store for you
is a better experience than me.

And I don't blame you for the way we were
or how the way we yelled
made lines blur
but I want you to know
behind the holes in the wall
slammed doors
and deleted photos
you pushed me to grow
showed me who I want to be
and for that, babe, I could never let you go
but you can't belong to me

Do you remember the time I stayed up all night
looking out your window
watching for daylight
you rolled over and woke up with a smile on your face
took me home on time but you were late to work anyway
Or offroading in the hills to have *** in my new favorite place
I didn't have my glasses and couldn't care less
our city floated in space from the view on your chest
those are times I could never replace
For the first time in a long time
it felt easy to breathe
despite the waves of stress rolling underneath.

I'll still keep your painting up
one day I'll show my kids
Tell them some chances not taken may come with regret
but a better ending always exists
I hope you laugh at all our shared tendencies
every time you eat pizza backwards
don't forget to think of me
And I still wear your shirts on days I don't leave the house
but I think eventually we'd both agree
we're better off now

He laid his head in my lap like nothing had happened
filled my chest with memories of how we were back then
He felt my heart retract as I watched the weight in his eyes hold him up
with words tucked under the smile he cracked
he said "Is it really that bad, or just bad luck?"

He left that night with the same brightness in his eyes
And it's nothing against him but I don't think he ever wanted me more
than in that one goodbye
Once undeterred by our differences we could still say we tried
didn't do each other wrong, but couldn't do each other right.

Windy day meets hurricane

Open book meets barricade

Line of fire meets up in smoke

Solid faith meets blind hope

4 months:
He's the most constant rendition of regulation I've ever allowed myself to recognize
With the eyes and soul to chastise a girl and leave her wanting more
The sort of cliche we're warned to ignore
but fall in love with anyways
while he's searching for the best parts of us
in the worst ways.

6 months:
I elude the sun
just to follow stormy days
losing track of how long I've been gone
or if there was a reason I decided to stay
But the same cliche who is holding my heart
is the only one waiting on the other side
As he looks away from my scars
he breathes, "Just you and I."
For the first time
I can't leave.

8 months:
Months deep, promises thick
he's half expecting me to stray
Disregarding my words
he hands over fistfuls of unresolved hurt
and swears he wants me to stay
But these days I'm so used to the silence of his car
playing back the situation
wondering if or when I went too far explaining my pain
The blame weighs heavy on our shoulders for the next few days
I don't believe in a god anymore
but I remember how to pray
and tonight I'll pray he'll not only hear
but listen to the things I say

"Stand up straight; you said you're used to being alone."
Used to smiling when I'm burning myself down and calling the ashes my  home.
These days I sit on a throne of broken bones and empty words
passing the time to ignore the hurt.

"The bed you've made is all in your head. It's too late for you to wake up, what little hope you had is dead."
I don't need you to tell me what was left is now gone.
I'm the one who lit the fire
I'm the one who has to pay for each and every flammable wrong.

It just hurts.

I feel like nothing
no numb or pain
or rush to leave
I'm nothing;
intangibly here.

Listless
and restless
like the smoke
evanescing from
depleted lungs.

Omnipresent
consumption
constantly pressures
my mind.
My thoughts
compress my body.
I can feel them
crawling up my throat
strangling me.
I'm lost
in muted asphyxiation.

I'm always high now
pills or ****
alcohol or pills
it's not for the thrill
somehow
anymore.
Yet, I'm
always clambering
to get higher.
Reaching further
too high
too far
I'm gonna burn in the stars
and wash up
like the sky
on the shore.

There are
traces of love
diverged in
this outer space.
But who do the stars favor
if they're
indigenous to night?
To adore the Moon
and his
myriads of
wavering light?
When I'm
in love with the Sun,
his devoted passion
and dynamic love.
But the Earth...
he keeps me grounded
and we
don't even speak,
he's the dream
that keeps me up
at night
the tongue in my cheek.

Of all the
astral bodies
She
owns what's left
of my heart.
She's a void
a frozen star.
I'm sure
she knows
the distance I'd go
to maintain
our gravity.
Forgive her for
every
stolen star
don't question why
she became a
black hole
though I'm quite sure
she doesn't even know.

His hands are static
livening burning trails of goosebumps across my naked skin
hand print after hand print
dragged through every drunken pore
I begin to let him in.
He breathes deeper than I remember
holds me closer than before
from the highs we used to offer
we've learned to offer more
I can smell his *** on my sheets
crumpled under the bed, now their at his feet
it's funny how this time it's so much easier to let him leave.