I'm sick and i'm tired.
I'm sick of being sick and tired.
I want nothing more than to live a normal life.
A life where my heart doesn't hurt,
and my brain doesn't overthink.
I have died years ago.
but my body refuses to rest with the dead
So I walk amongst the living,
plastering on fake smiles,
*pretending  everything's okay.

I cling to your words like honey.
Your voice trickles down my spine when you sigh .
As i'm enveloped in your arms I feel as if i'm melting
Almost like you have taken down all the barriers around my heart.
When darkness comes and the past tries to take over ,
I look up and see a light at the end of the tunnel.
You are that light.
My light.

Love me for who I am.
Broken and all,
 each damaged piece fits right back in to place when I fall.
Though fragile as I am,
I've been through a lot.
I'm tougher than you think,
please don't give it a second thought.
Though I may have been tumbled around all my life,
these bruises and scars tell a story of my strife.
  I'm alive and i'm breathing,
which is no easy feat.
My heart has grown strong.
Don't underestimate the weak.

I am forever drowning in a place where I cannot move
I cannot breathe
Yet time still goes on all around me.
I have learned to call this place home,for no matter how hard I try I cannot escape.
Time has no place here
Everything lies still.
I do not move on from the trauma I have been through
each **** is shown to me
over and over again
They call it PTSD
post traumatic stress disorder
You'd think that after all these times I could avoid this inevitability
* I was *****  last night

Thinking I was in the company of friends, I got drunk
I could feel everything happening to me
but I couldn't say no
It was as if I was only a husk of myself
I  wasn't there*
When I finally came too,
I squeezed my legs together.
You wouldn't stop touching me
I moved to the corner of the bed
Holding onto myself tightly, hoping this was just a dream
You wouldn't stop touching me
PLEASE STOP TOUCHING ME
It's over now
I'm back to the place where everything lies still.

With every step I take
I hear the crack of my bones;
They're fragile now.
How many times has it been?
Picking up the pieces of myself,
each jagged  bone more complicated than the last.
I wonder how long this charade can go on
When will i finally turn to ash?