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JS  May 2015
Flaws
JS May 2015
Big ears
Small nose
Frizzy hair
Chubby thighs
Flaws,
Scars on legs
Birthmarks on arms
Small *****
Flaws,
Flaws are nothing to be ashamed of
They are our hidden roadmaps to places only we really know
Embrace every flaw that covers your body
They make you, you.
maria angelina  Aug 2013
roadmaps
maria angelina Aug 2013
you see women like roadmaps,
wanna know how far they can get you
before you leave them crumpled on the floor of some gas station
you’ll never see again in your life.
you think i’ll help you find your way,
but i’m too lost myself.
i know you’re trying to figure out where you’re going,
but my veins won’t mark your path;
my lips won’t take you anywhere.
my heart’s not a compass as much as it is an alarm clock,
but i know you’d be gone long before morning anyway.
Luke  Sep 2015
Roadmaps
Luke Sep 2015
Like a travel guide embedded in your tissue,
your scars are roadmaps,
they tell me where you’ve been.
With caution, I run my fingers through the grooves,
and I feel every stone in your path
so I steer away from them
and all the places you wish to never return to.
Your memories are the passing landmarks,
and I see the sadness in every weakened construct.
I’ll never take you down those roads,
I’ll never pave my own.
I promise.
Elizabeth  May 2015
Roadmaps
Elizabeth May 2015
Everyday I'm trying so hard to like my favorite things for reasons having nothing to do with you.


Today when I decided to drive on the meandering border of Walloon Lake,
Wildwood Harbor rd,
     The canopied trees
     flashing shadows of squirrels peaking through paws
reminded me of every motorcycle ride I accompanied you on.

     Holding tight to your chiseled stomach,
     hands cupping your belly button through your sweatshirt pockets,
you would maneuver your mobile machinery through every dip and dive,
garnishing curves with streamline, flawless breaking and acceleration.
       I would lean into your spine,
  imagining the path of your lower back as the map of our road ahead,
each bump and curvature a flawless representation of reality,
  the living moment.

Something sensual existed about the way you and I forged a relationship on pavement,
  riding the asphalt the same way your bending fingers rode my thighs.
     And every time I choose to drive our road with my less than aerodynamic Marquis,
each stomach flip from the unsuspected slopes
   transports me to lazy mornings-
         Naked and alone in any way imaginable.
    Purity and solitude,
truth, the end of it.

So I turned onto M-75
              trying to forget every reason that I love Wildwood Harbor for you,
                            and only remember the reasons I love it for me,
                                           but couldn't find any worthy of space.
                                           You made everything so memorable.
rsc  Apr 2015
burnt roadmaps
rsc Apr 2015
I play six clicks to you,
like I used to look for
Jesus on Wikipedia,
when I find my
weary fingers wandering
into my healing wounds again,
digging the cursor across
bruises and sutures to
links so you won't
show up in my search bar.

I can play pretend too,
like all the college students
haunting the streets,
moving straight faced
and dead eyed past
the homeless people
holding their heads and
fighting their hunger.

Your newly pierced nose
sniffs out my high blood pressure,
sweaty nervousness, and
***** haired demeanor;
the shivering mourning dove
perched atop rubble
sings out shaky poems to
your roommate.

You've walked into a new room
and I'm standing in the hallway,
trying to figure out which closed door
I'll find you behind,
pulling each one open in turn
only to hear another swing shut in
some ******-Doo style pursuit.

I keep your memory in my pocket,
a tattered pin-up photograph, to
pull out and glance at occasionally
with glazed over eyes and
a drool dripping mouth.

How does the other side of your bed feel,
so full and pumping blood?

We both jumped in after eating,
but you keep swimming and
I find myself on the
shoreline once more,
grabbing for a towel,
trying to push the water
from my own lungs.

A pair of tan underwear
lives in my dresser,
splattered with stains
from the **** you
keep in your backpack.

I still wear them,
and I can't help
but think of you.
This is probably too honest for the internet but here goes everything
Erik Ervin Feb 2012
I saw you in the night as you drank your coffee.
Sipping down caffeine like you were taking in gasoline
Wishing for that fuel to take you a few hundred miles farther than this.

I’m sorry that your addiction could not take you farther
Across this country of methamphetamine addicts and alcoholics;
I should know,
My nicotine has never gotten me farther than another cigarette
And my lungs can only line themselves with what we pave our roads with;
They say “Thank you, for smoking.”

It feels good sometimes

To know
That even though both my grandfathers have died due to this addiction
That I carry a legacy, a legend,
A map to where my blood has been going
Living through tradition like it was not something forgotten by our siblings,
Parents,
Even our friends.
It’s like we’ve fallen deeper into preservation
Putting no chemicals into our lungs, but plenty into our stomachs-
I wonder how we justify it.
I guess it’s cheap can serve as satisfactory,
But I can still remember being a child and hearing:
“Erik, nothing in this life is free.
Do not be cheap.”

I’m sorry that the maps still show that New York is three thousand miles away from Oregon
I cannot rewrite them and manipulate the ways in which we travel
Take Minnesota and place it next to
Montana
Or Florida
I’m sorry that it seems we are still children
sipping on Coca Cola on the docks of Lake O’Dowd
Or teenagers still smoking **** in Kenwood park
Or like we are still college kids
Not doing our homework
So we may drink Pabst.

I am only twenty years old,
But I can already see how the paths are only highways towards the destinations we wish we could reach-
Yet sometimes cannot.
We are only children,
Wishing to be older, to find
We wish we could still be younger, only to
wish we could live forever,
To wish we could still be mortal
To wish this was not inconsequential

I am only twenty years old,
But I can see that we are already lost.

If you would trust me,
enough,
to lay your hand in mine
I’ll find the best drawn highway
on this barely marked map
And take us to the end.

You can take your coffee.
I just may take my cigarettes.
Janette  Jan 2013
Scars Beneath
Janette Jan 2013
On a slow train
out of the Savannah’s sudden exile,
the sunlight swallows me,
a calligraphy of days, hours, minuets, now
inscribed on my limbs,
syntax gives over to a dry, dry sound,
and parched, the aftertaste of sloe gin
inhabits my ribs, the lay of bones,
a labyrinth of absence,
and this velvet ache
at my wrists, a pure burning,

burning the memory red,

words swell and crumble with a kiss,
what absence, Soul of Winter,
what absence is this, spreading
over roadmaps, soliloquies, nights
stretch into mornings, always mornings,
as my fingertips pull daylight from an orange
in dream alphabets that soon dwindle
to vowels, the word, harbour, bends
the old alder beyond what it can bear,

so many ways, you say, to live like a prisoner,

at home, the rooms
are all windswept, reckless
chairs overturned , abandoned
in this, the evening’s parable,
love is no more
than a syllable in a bottle
of shattered blue glass,

a poem written on the underside of a child’s teacup,

their jump ropes curl like adders
at our feet, the thread
from where I dangle
in doorways and twilight,
as I bide time, perilous
over train tracks, your fingers
trace tally marks along my vertebrae,
the hollows darkening in a pathos
of blue rheumatism,
and in the carnivorous tremor
of my body breaking
like the spine of a book,
the paper gone pink at the edges,
like azaleas and bruises,

erosion, after all is the altar of the body,

and there are scars beneath my temple,
and this ache, still, in my wrists,
unbearable when it rains,
ghosts inhabit my lungs,
wrung from the silence of shut windows,
eternal clotheslines and linen
span for miles across the Savannah,
and the early frost is at last,
calling me home....
Wanderer  May 2012
Bystander
Wanderer May 2012
He woke up bathed in moonshine
Sleepy Appalachian mountain eyes
Fading autumn honey liquid gold
Into the white background noise of reality
He always did have one foot in, one foot out
A ghost to those that he let see
Physical boundaries ignored, retired
Weary bones begged him to slip back into the comfort of oblivion
But for him sleep was ever elusive, a tease

Racing over lush valleys, dead seas and fertile plains
His thoughts are boundless
Synthesizing emotional code into poetic expression
He must pull it all together somehow
Beats and rhythms sparkle off the edge of his perception
They rarely paused long enough to remember
But he always did

Calloused hands prove a life of grunt work
His dreams had been so much more complex
Weaving through the atmosphere, linking fully with the cosmos
Lines whisper across his flesh
Roadmaps
****** and impulsive
Sensitively attuned to the pulsing energy around him
Shaping it into flourished verse

He is the sun
I merely the **moon
Bean  Nov 2014
Indirect Contact
Bean Nov 2014
I don't love him but he's here and you aren't
And he doesn't ******* hold my hand, all he does is **** me
And god forbid that god forbids you from being near me
Because when I see nothing but headlights and tire tread I think of salvation

I will hold onto you tighter than my father when he came home and told me I'd hate him
We don't speak anymore except about the time you were supposed to kiss me but instead I felt my jaw shatter
And he still wishes his fist could've done the same to yours as a 16th birthday present for me
But I guess you've never liked my voice so why would you wanna hear it

My tongue falls back into my throat like words I've choked on in front of you
If you came back, even as a dream, I would fill half a glass and let you decide if I'm emptier
I have the audacity to think I meant something more to you than to your temper
And I never needed a lighter to play with fire when baby, I had you

I fear fences because the one in my front yard couldn't keep your voice out
I'd gate off my mind but I'm sure I'd still fear January the 1st and I might even miss you
I always loved your hands even when they were breaking me
Even if they've made me flinch at a raised hand or a friendly pat on the back

I ******* hated the roadmaps in your arms because they couldn't guide me out of your grasp
I knew you were dangerous but I was excited by the fear of getting caught with you

I told you, "I am too ******* young."

And I felt more electricity in your fist hitting my cheekbones than I ever had in your lips
Even when I lay my sorrowed mind on his silk sheets I cannot fall asleep anymore
Don't worry
Claire Waters  Sep 2012
Untitled
Claire Waters Sep 2012
the first step to letting go is learning to exist. i admittedly, still have not completely let go. no one ever said you had to demonstrate your knowledge, although i'm working at it. when you were there, roadmaps became love letters, the songs you wrote were preludes, flight schedules became the dreams i never spoke about, no one i was close to knew you. as far as they all know, you were a figment of my imagination, and the act of knowing you itself became a test in what i could hold onto by the skins of my soft teeth even once you'd disappeared, once your friends all buried you, and you stopped writing love songs. special occasions no longer sound like your voice. the test was, could i exist without you?

i have written this a thousand times in my head. erased and arranged memories so as not to spoil us. tried to press you into the backs of my eyes like the flowers in the pages of her notebook. and a few weeks back, i stood at the very top of a rope swing, and when i jumped, i stared straight into the churning water all the way down, because all i wanted was to look at you. but this is not a story of getting the things we want so easily. this is not a story of holding your hand, or sleeping in and having late breakfast. this is the paradox of something so strong, that could be so fragile. something that is so raw the universe could only erode it. that love could exist, and disappear so quickly, and i still want to know why no one ever taught you to swim when you were young.

i am on the train. i see a picture of you. "rest in peace" it said. at first i didn't understand. i had talked to you just yesterday. then i do. the sickening sound of your voicemail on repeat. the way you used to call every night, and tonight at seven there is just a silent cell phone sitting in my lap. i think about your baby pictures. the mother and sister you sometimes talk about. the guitars collecting light layers of dust in your empty new apartment. i wonder how they got your kayak back to shore, when you didn't come up for air, and the swing became still over the foaming water. that kayak was as empty as i am. without you, that is very.

they make plans for your funeral, everything is beautiful. everything is in order for you. i get off the train at the wrong stop and run all the way to ami's house, trying to breathe. i am painfully aware of what drowning feels like. i am as transient as us; my existence is a freak accident, circumstantial evidence with a shaky conclusion, two people who can never explain the nature of their affiliation. kierkegaard believed in taking an ethically existing approach, over a cognitive subject. that all single entities can be reduced to singular universal rules. he believed that even when we didn't do it purposefully, cognitive thought forced us into patterns of universal rules. existence is a song we play on repeat, a feeling on loop in our stomachs because a couple of words sucker punched you in the head and you still don't know why. why, is the answer and the downfall. i think what kierkegaard meant is, some things are simply unexplainable, and some things explain themselves, and our very beings switch between these two rules, baffling us, because we are creatures of ethical existence and cognitive thought; we base our actions on human-established concepts of right and wrong, refer to ourselves as "I", live in the present, and yet we also have the capacity to shape ourselves in the future tense. our ability to understand lies in whether we choose to resist or flow with universal patterns as we become part of them in our ethical existence. learning to exist is nothing more than playing chess with a higher power and allowing it to take your king when you're backed into a corner, even if the queen has to play the rest of the game alone. The game has been flipped. Learn to play even when your world turns inside out. you know the queen is your ace, your you, and she has amazing potential. you were not just some figment of my imagination that convinced me to sleep at night. i am so sure of that now.

— The End —