So much pain in my life,

I got a million question and can only get one answer; this too shall pass...,

I can't say nothing back I got so much that's already past in my life,

I try to do right try to live by the word yet as wordily as

I live I still can't get up from this weight burdening my chest.

So much pain in my life,

I thought of giving up many times,

Thinking how I got my soul whooped and got my face torn - broken

My heart left in shambles but still I continue,

I strive and survived made it threw so many storms

but how long I can I go on,

how can I continue to hold my head up ,

So Much Pain in my Life,

Look at all the stuff that's happened Uncle killed in car accident,

Born to a mother with nothing but sin prostitution,

A drunk& drug addicted father who couldn't bother

for the life of him to give to all these children

what was need to

keep even the house heated,

Marine &Vietnam; Vet- P.o.w. ,

Shhh get down don't move,

See this was something

we all got used to made fun of him and his craziness too,

So Much Pain in my Life

Nana Sick and doing her best with all these kids,

Got a gambling husband

so hiding Money be come a game to us,

Out in the street catching heat,

rolling with the Latin Queens thinking

I was bigger and bader than anyone

till shot fired

My friends life "red" spread on the concrete, got pregnant

and never thought to be the same ,

Little girl become woman - At 13 -Baby ripping out my innocents,

Hell of a life to live &still; I give!

So Much Pain in my life...........



SO MUCH PAIN IN MY LIFE,

Why me I cried to Allah/God,

Why am I being punished, my answer in return, was nothing,

So much Pain in My life..,

Lightly

thoughts come to my head "this is the cross you must bear,

a test to see how much do you love me" must be the voice I been waiting for...,

After that silence noting...,

I bow my head and say thank you ...,

Even still I'm left feeling stupidity and sorrows chilling my bones,

So much Pain in My Life,

Strife's wont let up ,You cant possible know my pain just like I cant know yours,

Saw Tricks turn Church goers and pimps turn child molesting-  Preachers,

Growing up grown and trying to make on my own, NYC held me down,

But the lessons haven't ended it's just the beginning for me,

So Much Pain in my life, I

'I'll continue and win some day soon...,

Until I do hmm I cant tell you

I have no advise to give to you, as wise I am

I'm still learning and growing ..,

So much pain in my life,

Been mother and pretend father to children of and not of my flesh,

Been the abused as well as the abuser,

Many times I wanted to take my own life, but the Sign at the

Gates Say do not enter the sin and thoughts of a sinner must

not disgrace these steps turn around its not ya time and if you take ya life ,

You'll never be a child of mines,

I walk away inflated, Begging to make it another day,

So much pain in my Life,

Night and day I beg for release for the pain in my heart to Cease,

Wanting to be more and working on the impossible,

Cuz threw my life and my eyes

I see miracle's happening every day and the dream continues to make me,

Breaking sprites but in love I can't say I ever felt it truly owned it or knew it,

Lust I can confess plenty,

but one things for sure My time isn't priceless everyone has something in the closet,

weather or not , they'll tell is up to them for me its another way to let you in,

So much Pain In My LIFE.........,

Now as I lay my children down to sleep,

I smile and think to my self even threw it all I got the

one things that counts& cant ever hurt me ,

Maybe I say..,

Thinking of Nana again and the pain her own Children caused her,

I say another Prayer,

Spare me lord, don't let my children ever feel what I felt..,

And if it can be helped please never let them live life as

I once did ,Give me the peace in knowing they'll

grow up better and striving to Greatness in their own

womanhood,

With out, So much Pain in their Life.

Like mines...,

I'm crying as I ask him this and I say to him again even thou you

Carried me as the
Footprints would have me Believe..,

I thank you still for you're by my side and always will be..,

knowing your

Love's unconditionally

Given to me with out question
and I'm blessed
Still I say thank you..,

Knowing you Saved me

SO MUCH PAIN IN MY LIFE!

Always Me Ayeshah

No one knows real pain
Real pain is when I'm away from you
Real pain is something I feel every day
Real pain comes when I see you
Real pain comes when I know it will never be us
Real pain comes when you say you love him
Real pain is all I feel now a day
Real pain hurts the worst
Real pain is something no one will understand
Real pain is what I understand
Real pain is all I know
For real pain comes from love that has been thrown away
Real pain is knowing you are with him
Real pain is when you lie and say you are happy with him
Real pain is when you are hurt and I can't help
Real pain is when I love you but you don't love me
Real pain is the worst but its what I feel when I'm with you
But I stay with you because I'm right for you and I love you

Pain
Eats at my very soul

Heart beats hard exploding in my brain with each thump

Pain
No one can understand unless they have been here

My mind screams with the unfairness of it all

Pain
It eats away at your confidence in self first

I was a strong minded woman now weak without strength

Pain
It can't be described as it rips through the body

Wholes are throughout leaving tunnels along the connective tissue

Pain
Detroying that which makes me unique

Takes away my wisdom as the tunnels weaken the mind

Pain
Leaving fear in places that used to be fearless

Alone as the demons remove my self worth

Pain
Creeps its way into the heart eating at the good as well as the bad

Heart skipping beats as it begins to lose its ability to beat

Pain
Works against every positive thing one has in life

Taking away my ability to stand on my own two feet making me dependent

Pain
Chews and feeds until it overuns the mind and body

Nothing left to help me fight even my will has been chewed away

Pain
Left to finish the job as no one notices before it is to late

I cry for help yet the vileness fills my throat and mouth making it impossible

Pain
Takes everything away, then heads to the next victim

I am left lifeless, no strength, energy, no will to live, fight, or breathe,

If only I had noticed sooner when that first seed was planted
I wish I had paid more attention to the weird things I noticed
Now I can no longer survice for the pain has won

Please I beg you, do not let it happen to you
FIGHT
FIGHT
FIGHT BACK!*

Don't let it win

Don't find yourself in a huge lifeless formwanting to escape with no outlet

For heaven's sake fight for your life beat the pain take its power away

I will be buried soon and the pain will try to skip to another person
Put up your defenses around me and don't let it in destroy it while it is trapped inside of me

Pain
It is a scarey way to go, save yourself from the pain

Life is full of surprises
It may shook you
It may anger you
Or it may give you happiness

But sometimes it may also give you pain
Pain that gives you pressure
Pain that gives you ache
Pain that will physically hurt you
And Pain that gives pleasure to somebody

But the pain that hurts the most is the pain that comes from the people you love
Destiny is a very tricky and a very playful thing, sometimes Destiny will be our friend and sometimes it will be our enemy

Now to the pain that comes from our love ones
A pain that comes from it is a very hurtful and a very offensive attack that can cause your world shaky and devastating

It will bring tears unstoppably impossible to pull back
It will make you feel like being tortured
and it will sometimes drive you crazy

Especially, when you gained that pain from a  backstabber that makes up different stories and excuses just to get you down

That pain, if you felt that kind of pain it's the pain that you feel from the inner part of the heart, the pain that connects and destroys your whole body

The kind of pain where you feel lost
The kind of pain where you feel alone
The kind of pain that don't heal quickly and easily

But you can either fall back or fight back, it's your choice but the best is to stand still and fight back

There is also a special way that will make you feel better
It's the kiss and love from someone that loves and understands you

Every body has its weakness
Everybody has imperfections
But everybody is not born to be wild,bold, and strong to cover those weakness

Everybody don't get the chance to  shine
There is always somebody that's always in the bottom no matter how hard they tried

Life really is full of surprises
It may be good or bad
It may be lucky or unfortunate
But always remember

We are the captain of our fate
We control our future
We control our self
We control our choices

Some people think they know what pain is.
I'll tell you what pain is.

Pain is accidentally using your astringent instead of your eye makeup remover.
Pain is stepping on a lego barefoot.
Pain is stubbing your pinky toe on the same table leg for the 50th time.

Pain is taking responsibility for something that wasn't your fault simply because you're an "adult."
Pain is shedding a tear for the close friend who committed suicide over a year ago.
Pain is thinking about the last look of recognition before your grandfather's death.

Pain is feeling like you can never be honest with anyone about what you are truly feeling.
Pain is the fear that you may not ever find "the one."
Pain is caring too much for people who will never love you.

Pain is realizing that everything you believed in might be false.
Pain is knowing that the people you trusted have lied to you.
Pain is understanding that they were only doing what they thought was right.

This is my pain.
What's yours?

Weaken by the breeze
he settles  like the grumbling of burning embers,
he dreads the color gray.
A freckle in the upper right of his earlobe,
he sighs so close to a cry, for minute in the ice of morning
he holds on to his ears,
to keep what he heard inside as if the
dying flutters of a butterfly.

Today he hides inside,
inside deep pockets rattling with the lost things he found,
faster and faster he walks across
the streets  as if it would get him closer
closer to himself, as if late for a bad day,
he goes no where but feels with each step the pain
in the soles of his feet.

The pain makes the day real,
the pain makes the day real

the steep hills mimic  the thought sky of his heart and how his
mind struggles not to fall backwards but to reach the top.

He never does but instead he spins burning in circles.
The day isn't real anymore,  he walks faster.

The pain  makes the day real
The pain  makes the day real
The pain  makes him real.

He dreads the gray, the color pervades today.
weaken by the breeze
he circles again returning to where he began
In his mind he counts the shavings of  wings
He fell back and his heart closed up the shop early.
In his mind the stone cease to be cast out, cease to ripple
yet the residual  still echo faintly, as his ears burn.

The pain makes the day real.
The pain makes the day real
The pain makes him real

Weaken by the breeze
he settles  like the grumbling of burning embers,
he dreads the color gray.
A freckle in the upper right of his earlobe,
he sighs so close to a cry, for minute in the ice of morning
he holds on to his ears,
to keep what he heard inside as if the
dying flutters of a butterfly.

Today he hides inside,
inside deep pockets rattling with the lost things he found,
faster and faster he walks across
the streets  as if it would get him closer
closer to himself, as if late for a bad day,
he goes no where but feels with each step the pain
in the soles of his feet.

The pain makes the day real,
the pain makes the day real

the steep hills mimic  the thought sky of his heart and how his
mind struggles not to fall backwards but to reach the top.

He never does but instead he spins burning in circles.
The day isn't real anymore,  he walks faster.

The pain  makes the day real
The pain  makes the day real
The pain  makes him real.

He dreads the gray, the color pervades today.
weaken by the breeze
he circles again returning to where he began
In his mind he counts the shavings of  wings
He fell back and his heart closed up the shop early.
In his mind the stone cease to be cast out, cease to ripple
yet the residual  still echo faintly, as his ears burn.

The pain makes the day real.
The real makes the day feel.
The pain makes the day real

The lost cry of a male butterfly..