I have loved you for so long,
October.
I have have heard your
Love song days
And I have seen
Your colours march through
The bright green of summer days,
Unnoticed.
I have learnt to love your authority,
Your soft spoken command,
And I follow because
I love you
Despite the melancholy
You bring with you.

Because I love you,
I love you,
October.
I love you with your tangled branches and barn owls,
With your cold trunks and fallen leaves,
With your empty nests and snow hares,
With your blackberries and marigolds,

I love you.

October
                October
                               ­  October

I'm walkin' around my neighborhood,
Looking at all the different colors,
It's just that kind of October,
Where everything is pretty,
And it can get kind of chilly,
But that's okay,
I'm wearing my sweater today,

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

I see little kids over across the street,
They kind of remind me of how we use to be,
When we were young,
And life goes on,
And even though it gets scary,
Growing up and all,
We have eachother through the fall.

And today,
Is the day that I'm gonna see you again..
And I'm nervous,
But I'll be alright,
I'm just feeling my heart race on the inside,
And regardless of the consequences,
I'll be with you tonight,
I'm seeing you tonight.
In this October chill,
We'll feel all the right feels.

October and flaming leaves of all colors
not only my birthday but so are others
October is so many things this season brings
Columbus day full moon Halloween and many things,
October is fall and all the trees are changing
colored lawns with falling leafs,
left to bare the limbs and trees.
Halloween is the exciting time,
in October of wilting summer vines,
for children there's costooms  and trick or treat,
for the women baking pumpkins pies to eat
For the men there's bow hunting and venison meat.
A new season October brings, temperature drops and frost appears,
October, November, December, then January and it's another year.

October nine and she was fine
October ten came and went
October eleven she thinks of heaven

Can I be recognized in violet
All turned blood red
They are all like a rose

Pricking and picking my veins
Somebody uses extreme osmosis
To help their pain in doses

Now the flowers have gone
Because of the atmosphere and the sun
Will I be the one to change her

Like all dogs sitting in a manger
We were not perfect
October twelve was hell

October thirteen and I was seen
By her from a far
Just to distance ourselves from who we are

October fourteen and she became gorgeous
Because the love we had floored us
Can we start again every day, every week, and every month
Because I think you are the one

i wish we were
walking in the rain
on the beach in
october
i wish
we were talking
in the rain
on the beach in
october

i wouldn't care about
my hair
in the rain on the beach
in october
in the rain
on the beach in
october

i wish we were
walking together
in this rainy weather
in october
on the beach in october
in the rain

September 3, 2013:
I really need to stop drinking because I always say and do things that I don’t really mean. I don’t really mean to do the things that I do, do I? Sometimes I don’t even know who I am.

September 5, 2013:
I saw a man today, he was wearing a grey suit with a red tie. He gave me pills, he said that they would help. I don’t know what they’re supposed to help with but I guess I’ll give them a try.

September 10, 2013:
These pills give me headaches. I don’t like them. They make thoughts really fuzzy. I’m going to see the man in the grey suit tomorrow. He said he wanted to check in with me. I hope he can fix this.

September 11, 2013:
The man in the grey suit told me the headaches are normal and that they should subside in a few days. I hope he’s right.

September 20, 2013:
I think the pills are working. I haven’t had a headache in a week, I don’t even feel fuzzy anymore. I think taking these were the right thing to do.

October 1, 2013:
I saw the man in the grey suit today, only today he was wearing a blue suit. A blue suit with a white tie. I finally asked him what his name was. He said that his name is Steven. He said that he wants to discontinue the pills. He thinks that they’re not right for me.
Steven is a nice name.

October 6, 2013:
I woke up covered in a sticky, red liquid. I don’t know where it came from. I don’t remember anything that happened last night. I think I need to visit Steven.

October 6, 2013:
Steven didn’t answer. I’ll try again tomorrow. I should clean up.

October 9, 2013:
I finally was able to talk to Steven. He asked me if I was drinking again. I haven’t had a drink in weeks. Now that I think about it... I never told him about that problem...

October 13, 2013:
I woke up with covered in a sticky, red liquid. There was a girl sitting at my kitchen table wearing a white dress and a trail of sticky, red liquid that lead from the girl to my front door. What a pretty girl. How did she get into my house?

October 21, 2013:
I haven’t been able to ahold of Steven for two weeks. I keep having dreams about the girl sitting at my kitchen table. She won’t stop screaming at me. She’s such a pretty girl.

October 25, 2013:
I need to stop drinking because I always say and do things that I don’t really mean.

October 30, 2013:
I woke up in a room today. A room with white walls and a white bed. I’m in clothes I’ve never seen before. I spoke to a man in a grey suit with a red tie. His name wasn’t Steven. He won’t tell me why I’m here. He told me that I should stop writing for a while.

November is supposed to be
a happy month for family.

in 2011, I was sad, but
fall is my favorite season,
so I made it work.

in 2012, I ran from the Man
and he got me good
and put me away
for three whole days,
leaving me with the crazies,
and the blood pouring from my vein.
I don't like talking about 2012.
it makes me feel like I'm one of the crazies too.
November 2012 was sad.

but this year, i think the Man is feeling kinda cruel,
so he's turning November, into October.
but I don't want October to be like November,
because October is my happy month,
because I can hide behind a mask,
and I can smell that nice fall smell.
and summer decides it's time too leave
and I can go outside again.
the mask makes me look happy
but I have to put it away the next day.  

I had so much planned for October,
and not a lot for November.
because October is my happy month
and every high  needs a low
so that's why November comes right after.
but the Man is calling time,
so I guess there might not even be
a November for me
because the Man knows everything.
He plans everything.

its starting to near october again
the time of the year
when everything goes to ****
when the walls get smaller and smaller
until my shoulders press in on themselves
and i choke, choke, choke

its starting to near october again
the time of year
when people show their true colors
when my friends become
judgmental cold mocking
and the walls isolate me

its starting to near october again
my best friend's birthday
halloween
first report card of the year
those are all okay things
i have a bit of breathing room

its starting to near october again
the memories take a hold of me
dragging me down into their murkiness
taking the light from my mind
replacing it with nothing
nothing is there

its starting to near october again
i wish i wasn't alone

October, October
I have goosebumps all over
It’s my favorite month
It’s my birthday month

Autumn has rolled out
Feels like I’ve been waiting forever
Sinking in the cool breeze
Saying goodbye to the summer heat

October, October
I’m gonna be a year older
Happy times are near
Now that I have you here

Soon will come the eight
I’ll get to drink soda
Clad in my birthday suit
I’m gonna be broker

October is here
I’m dancing with glee
Close to my heart like the colour purple
With you everything isn’t hurtful

With two ember months left
It’s time for me to reflect
The year is coming to an end
It’s time to plan what’s next

Falling leaves
And rolled out sleeves
I wipe my brow and I keep marching on

When October is over
Awaken my heart

When October is over
Allow me once more to start

The warmth starting to fade and a  
new chill transforming the world we know Into a dark and barren place.
Yet deep down hope is rekindled and light begins to shine.

When October is over
Let me know

When October is over
I'll let her go

But just for a little while longer
I'll hold on to her,
I'll embrace her memory,
I'll seek out her friendship
I'll dream of the day when I win her back,
I'll write love songs to her and not share with anyone
I'll paint for her with all the skill my shaking hands can muster
I'll practice my dancing to impress her
I'll pray to God to hold her once more
I'll wash my face and comb my hair
I'll dress myself in all of her favorite clothes I own
I'll imagine an impossible life with her, seeing the world and living out our dreams.

Wake me up when October is over
But for now let me sleep and enjoy this dream, this wondrous dream I've been stuck in.
Let me lie to myself that perhaps she yet loves me,
Let me lie to myself as I imagine her saying she wants me back
Let me lie to myself and say there's hope for the love we once had
Let me lie to myself sweet mysteries
Let me Reforge the passion, reignite the romance arouse my inmost desire:
To hold her as I did that first night we met. That first embrace, that wonderful surprise,
Realizing that she was so much better than I could have ever imagined.

When October is over
Please don't let my dreams continue,
But humor me just for awhile as this month passes by, to imagine a life by her side.