how many times had I driven down pleasant hill after dark?
how many times had I sailed through the left turn lane into your neighborhood?
how many times had I squinted past my lights on the road in front of your house?
how many times had I seen the name of your neighborhood on the sign but I still can't remember it now? (did I ever know it?)
how many times had I leaned into that narrow uphill turn?
how many times had I gone fifty in a twenty-five when no-one was around?
how many times had I sped past your house only to turn around in the cul-de-sac just a little ways down the road?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and then knocked on your door?
how many times had I parked outside of your house and just waited?
how many times had I said "hi, how are you?" and listened ever so intently to you?
how many times had I had something to say and ignored you?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda and some gas?
how many times had I leaned over and kissed you at a stop light?
how many times had I pulled up into my drive way and gotten out with you?
how many times had I brought you to basement and made love to you?
how many times had I brought you down there just to *******?
how many times had I enjoyed that and so did you?
how many times had I laid there with you wondering if things were ok?
how many times had I said I loved you before I knew for sure?
how many times had I walked awkwardly with you upstairs trying to fake like we weren't up to anything? (not anything bad at least. hehe.)
how many times had I sadly driven you home?
how many times had I smiled at you because I really had been happy for once?
how many times had I smiled at you because that's all I could do?
how many times had I driven off without and felt less whole?
how many times had I stopped at QT and gotten a 59 cent soda on my own?
how many times had I thought about how great things finally were?
how many times had I almost believed in god because of you?
how many times had I felt like a fool?
how many times had I regretted all this wasted time?
how many times had I thought the best way was the way out?
how many times had I been right about everything?
how many times had I been wrong?
how many times had I loved you?
and
how many times had I been a fool?

well?
how many?

So many letters I've written you that I will never send
So many words that I have left unsaid
So many times I've tried to explain how much I regret that goodbye
So many calls that you won't answer, no matter how much I try
So many tears i've shed while you've been gone
So many songs I sing about you that you will never hear
So many kisses i've been missing
So many hugs i've been needing
So many hours i've been waiting
So many minutes I could have spent with you
So many thoughts hassling me through the days
So many shots i've been taking
So many memories I can't forget
So many cigarettes I've been smoking
So many regrets
So many hopeless nights
So many sleepless weeks
So many pills to get me up in the mornings and put me to bed at night
So many wishes that weren't granted
So many scratch offs that I lost
So many ways I see differently
So many months that have gone by without seeing your face
So many possibilities that you don't feel this way
So many doubts going through my mind
So many lies on lies on lies
So many confessions of my love for you
So many, but never enough
So many changes i've gone through, but my love never strays
So many people in this world to pick and choose
So many eyes with different perspectives
So many lips with different tastes
So many kinds of love, but I still long for your familiar face