Washing Kai in the sauna,
The kerosene lantern set on a box
      outside the ground-level window,
Lights up the edge of the iron stove and the
      washtub down on the slab  
Steaming air and crackle of waterdrops
      brushed by on the pile of rocks on top
He stands in warm water
Soap all over the smooth of his thigh and stomach
      “Gary don’t soap my hair!”
      —his eye-sting fear—
      the soapy hand feeling
      through and around the globes and curves of his body  
      up in the crotch,
And washing-tickling out the *******, little ****,
      his ***** curving up and getting hard
      as I pull back skin and try to wash it
Laughing and jumping, flinging arms around,
      I squat all naked too,
                                          is this our body?

Sweating and panting in the stove-steam hot-stone  
      cedar-planking wooden bucket water-splashing  
      kerosene lantern-flicker wind-in-the-pines-out
      sierra forest ridges night—
Masa comes in, letting fresh cool air  
      sweep down from the door  
      a deep sweet breath
And she tips him over gripping neatly, one knee down
      her hair falling hiding one whole side of
      shoulder, breast, and belly,  
Washes deftly Kai’s head-hair
      as he gets mad and yells—
The body of my lady, the winding valley spine,
      the space between the thighs I reach through,
      cup her curving ***** arch and hold it from behind,  
      a soapy tickle                a hand of grail
The gates of Awe
That open back a turning double-mirror world of  
      wombs in wombs, in rings,
      that start in music,
                                          is this our body?

The hidden place of seed
The veins net flow across the ribs, that gathers  
      milk and peaks up in a ******—fits
      our mouth—
The ******* milk from this our body sends through  
      jolts of light; the son, the father,
      sharing mother’s joy
That brings a softness to the flower of the awesome  
      open curling lotus gate I cup and kiss
As Kai laughs at his mother’s breast he now is weaned  
      from, we
      wash each other,
                                          this our body

Kai’s little ******* up close to his groin,
      the seed still tucked away, that moved from us to him  
In flows that lifted with the same joys forces
      as his nursing Masa later,
      playing with her breast,
Or me within her,
Or him emerging,
                                          this is our body:

Clean, and rinsed, and sweating more, we stretch  
      out on the redwood benches hearts all beating  
Quiet to the simmer of the stove,
      the scent of cedar
And then turn over,
      murmuring gossip of the grasses,
      talking firewood,
Wondering how Gen’s napping, how to bring him in  
      soon wash him too—
These boys who love their mother
      who loves men, who passes on
      her sons to other women;

The cloud across the sky. The windy pines.  
      the trickle gurgle in the swampy meadow

      this is our body.

Fire inside and boiling water on the stove
We sigh and slide ourselves down from the benches  
      wrap the babies, step outside,

black night & all the stars.

Pour cold water on the back and thighs
Go in the house—stand steaming by the center fire  
Kai scampers on the sheepskin
Gen standing hanging on and shouting,

“Bao! bao! bao! bao! bao!”

This is our body. Drawn up crosslegged by the flames  
      drinking icy water
      hugging babies, kissing bellies,

Laughing on the Great Earth  

Come out from the bath.
Gary Snyder, “The Bath” from Turtle

The Hurting, - they say some things are worst than death and this is one of them.

Sometimes, in instances of grueling
                                 pain
I think
of being
with the                 clouds

you made
that decision
&
you’d have
no idea
How much it
hurts.. where
Was your              judgement
*** this hurts
More than anything.
&
I’m sorry, you had to
go that way.
The clouds lament
your passing on
clear, sunny days.
They overshadow the
very demon you
tried to escape from.
&                                  
I’ve made a promise
To live for you.
To show you
that it didn’t have
To be this way.

You’re gone forever.
Lost within the fabrics of time
I’ll carry you as a lantern -
inside of me
till the end of the days.

&
I hope you finally can rest.
For once.
                                          
                                     Goodbye
                                      Forever
                                      Bao Bao
We miss you already.

Bao Bao - 2000-2018

I Saw her name painted upon a stone
Then you told me the legend of Bao Si
Her form as an ageless, ancient beauty
Still alive, breathing in places of love

I have wandered bound within her legend
Spiriting me across stormy jade seas
Walked upon ancient timeless stone pathways
I've taken her to heart as I have you

Enfolded within emerald dreaming
I've envisioned standing on the Great Wall
Then setting ablaze the warning tower
Forsaking all just to have seen her smile

You've told me about the Yunnan mountains
About the precious teas harvested there
The peaceful palmed paradise below them
Gentle winds whisper the name of Bao Si

Beneath the soft shadows of those mountains          
In the early morning amber sunrise
Hands held we will share warm tea and kisses
Love in a coy blossomed beautiful place


© P.M.H 2009 Revised 2/12/19