Sean Hastings

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

I wonder

How many peoples minds I live rent free?
Ex girlfriends, ex friends, those I thought
Were family at the time

Sitting in the back of their mind
Or in the closet with the skeletons

Wondering how I am doing
Thinking that I'm doing worse than their ****** lives at the moment
I'll just keep my head down and do me

But I still wonder where I live rent free

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

Untitled

I wish I could write and make you see
The beauty in your smile
The way sunsets and sunrises don't compare
To the gorgeous soul you have

I wish I could write and help you see
What you bring to this world
It take a special person to look at the world
Smiling and working to change it one step at a time

I wish I didn't have to hide behind a screen
To tell you how I feel and what to say
I wish I had the confidence that comes out with these poems
And not the social anxiety that i deal with everyday

I wish I could help you understand that in this ******* up head
When you ask me if I'm doing ok and make sure I am
It brightens my day more than you can know
If i can only transfer my feelings from this poem to the words i speak

Maybe we both could be happy together
But these feelings won't leave this poem and these words will go unspoken

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

I locked the crown in the back room

Or back of my mind depending on
How you perceive it
It's taking a back seat for now
There's a new personality coming out

Call it confidence, call it anger
Call it the realest Sean out there
There's a new one fronting, putting
The heartbreak and sad stories away

Letting everything out now, whether you like it or not but let's see
You wanted a peak into this mind
Now you get to see everything in it

There's going to be a lot more anger
Frustrations and yelling at the world
That need to be expressed in my mind
So buckle up and enjoy the ride

Call it whatever you want but I'm here to stay regardless

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

Don't tell me

Don't tell me you are going through stuff
That's why you don't talk much
Don't tell me it's been ******* you
When you make everything seem fine

Don't tell me that we fell off because
I didn't want to take anymore
Don't tell me that **** isn't about me
When it could be taken that way

Don't try to gaslight me into thinking
That I'm the problem, that it's your
Problems that are what matters
And I'm the one that pushed you away

When I struggle, when I cry when I'm
Going through **** and my **** ups
My circle knows about it
My circle talks to me

I reach out and say i need a line before
I sink beneath the waves coming up to
The chin as I struggle to breath

My circle stands around me and lifts me up so I'm not falling
My circle is small and close once I realized that not everyone cares

My circle knows everything about me

So don't gaslight me saying I'm the problem

When you aren't in the circle and don't want me there

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

I chose a new life motto

I'm alive another day and
I'm going to make it everyone's problem
I'm going to give energy back
That I received from people

I know some won't like it
Sean being combative back?
Sean barely responding?
Sean calling me on my *******?

If you are thinking these about me
Then it's warranted, because it's about you

I'm not going to be walked on anymore
I'm finding my identity,
Reforming myself into my best self
So if you think I'm being combative?
Or barely responding?

It's because I'm being a problem

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

Finding yourself

I never thought finding myself
Would lead me to this point
Love yourself before someone else?
Still not quite there yet

But I've made progress
I've moved closer to it each day
With every sunrise breaking dawn
With every moonlight shining

I've come out like a bass drop
Unexpected, unimagined
Everyone taken by surprise
Except me

Because I'm finding myself
And the only person it matters to
Is me and myself
I'll March to the drum of my own heart

I'm finding myself

Care to join the adventure?

Sean Hastings Oct 2021

Is it bad?

Is it bad i didn't taste the alcohol all night?
That the smoke felt like fresh air coming into my lungs?

Is it bad I was chugging drinks all day?
Trying not to feel throughout the day
Is it bad I was hesitant about saying hi
Because I didn't know who's side they taken

Is it bad my drinks have a little more Jim,
My smokes a little more Jane?
Trying to numb the anxiety to try to enjoy myself
Is it bad I hid behind a screen?
Instead of asking you for a dance?

Is it bad that I walk the narrow line?
Between self destruction and self fulfillment?

Is it bad? Or am I the bad?