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Samantha Rodolfo Dec 2018
please don't ever fall in love.

yes, at first, it's going to be the most beautiful thing in the world.
at first you're going to forget why you built the walls around your heart.
after all, how can something so beautiful break your heart?
how can someone so beautiful break your heart?
someone with a voice as sweet as his, eyes as deep as his,
hugs as warm as his…
how can you ever be so afraid of someone like him?

but it's only a matter of time before you remember:
love isn't the beautiful thing he makes you think it is.
love is the rollercoaster that traumatized you as a kid,
and one drop is enough to remind you why you were so afraid of it.

maybe he hasn't done anything wrong.
but maybe he said something that rubbed you off the wrong way.
maybe there was something about the look in his eyes
or maybe there was something about,
well, i don't know,
but there must be something.
and it may be nothing, but it's still something.
maybe the butterflies were dying,
maybe the ballads were warnings,
maybe the sweet nothings were nothing.

maybe he's just like everybody else.

and so, brick by brick, you put up the walls again,
but then he breaks them down again with something as insignificant as a smile or a simple question
but it's him and there's nothing about him that doesn't matter to you.

maybe he's not like everybody else.

everybody else doesn’t have eyes that shine like his does.
everybody else doesn’t shine like he does.
he’s that star in the sky that you point at and say,
“that’s my star.”

but even if it’s your star,
it doesn’t shine just for you -
it shines for everybody.
what if somebody else also looks at your star every night?
what if somebody else also points at your star and says, “that’s my star”?
what if?
you fill your head with “what if’s” instead of what is,
and that’s what kills you.
but you can't tell anyone because you know you're different.
you know they won’t understand;
they don't feel everything quite like you do.
your forest fires are candlelight to them,
your hurricanes mere drizzles,
your burns just paper cuts.
you take xanax? they drink water.
you cut yourself? they exercise.

everything to you is nothing to them.
so if you tell them, they’re just going to judge you.
if you tell him, he’s just going to judge you.
after all, he’s just like everybody else.
and everybody else will hurt you.
heck, even you will hurt you.

so, i’m begging you,
please don’t ever fall in love -
not even with yourself.
warnings: self-harm mention

— The End —