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945 · Aug 2018
I hope I’m never like you
sabelo Aug 2018
I remember you taking me out for a BBQ,
God, I hated the heat, the smoke.
I just wanted to stay home and watch toons and not suffer through the heat.
But you were so proud, ever so proud,
Your amazing baby boy you said.

You went away working for me,
In search of that better life for me,
Then I grew up a little bit and started wondering. Was it my fault you weren’t
home so often? Did you miss me at all?

I didn’t understand your sacrifices,
How could I? You were my dad,
and you weren’t there when I wanted you
to be, that’s all that mattered at the time.
I didn’t see the larger picture, didn’t
know that you missed me because you
never showed me. I was too young.

Then you came back in my life, I was
angry, bitter that you missed the important
moments of my life. How could you be
my father if you weren’t there?
All I saw was mum hurting and lonely.

But a son wants a father, and boy did I
fall into the ****** cliché. A textbook
troubled, confused boy with daddy issues.
You came back and I loved you again.

You gave me the best holiday of my life,
The perfect dad, you were back.
You were home and I was at my happiest.
The perfect family.

Then you died and my heart bled,
All of our hearts did, you left me again,
You left us confused and broken.
Now I’m trying to please you and live up to your expectations,all the while not knowing what your expectations of me are.

I buried you and whatched as they lowered your body into the ground,
Red roses on your grave as the tears fell
On my face.

I love you till I die but I truly wish I’m
never like you, you shone brightly in my
life then you bowed out and left me to
deal with the massive void you left in my life, so I don’t want to be like you.
849 · Aug 2018
sabelo Aug 2018
You think I do not appreciate you,
You have given your everything for me,
Sacrificed your future for me you say,
well it’s now my turn,

Everything you did for me,
I will do it a thousand fold,
It’s my gift to you, my thank you.
My way of saying that I love you.

You thought it was a one way street,
But you were dead wrong,
Because I remember the love you showed,
You don’t want to let me go, and I get it.
My love for you is guaranteed,
Unyielding, never ending.

You need to trust me, in a way trust yourself because I’m a reflection of your good parts and a celebration of your greatness because I am the best of you.

Ultimately all I have is you, the one girl
That has never disappointed me or
broke my brittle heart, my champion.
Forgive my early mistakes, I’m learning
to be the man you wish you had,
Your statement to the world that you
are capable of greatness.

Being corny is something I gladly attribute
to you, it’s all you girl. Own it.
Because if it wasn’t you how would I say
that you are my Ghandi, my Einstein, my
Jay Z, really i don’t need to compare you to anyone, you are a class of your own.

The man I am and should be should be a
Reflection of your best qualities,if I lose
my way along the way know that it’s not
Because of you but because of you I will
find my way again.

But let me go mama. Let me be the man,
You raised me to be, believe in yourself  
by believing in me. Let me grow, you can’t
keep me forever, let me shine so that
you shine too.

We fall and rise together because I am you,
and you are me. I love you mama.

238 · Aug 2018
I’m sorry
sabelo Aug 2018
Yesterday I took a taxi,
The driver hated me because we
Aren’t the same race,
It was really funny because ,
The irony is that the world sees him
The way he saw me, I smiled got out
And paid him and tipped him.
Apparently my Tom Ford fragrance,
Does little to cover my African scent.

My poor guy I write this to you,
Because you enlightened me.
Your blatant racism didn’t bother me,
I am not an advocate of racial equality,
Because in my world that doesn’t exist,
You are judged on your actions and
How you are as a human being ,
Not where you come from.

There is a lot of injustice in the world,
A lot of people not getting along,
I’m sorry that you did not have the
Privilege of growing up how I grow up,
Of having to believe that you are better,
Than other people because of a paler skin tone, I really am sorry that you were
Raised not to accommodate other people,

I wish you had my upbringing, that
You weren’t already predisposed to hating
Me without knowing me, I am sorry
That your view of the world is so
Narrow minded.

I am not hurt by your actions or words,
Not because I know they weren’t true,
But simply because I know it is not
Really your fault, what I am saying
My friend is that I regret that you have
Lived your life half blind and I sadly
Can not do anything to change you.
I really am sorry that your life is centered
On hatred. For that I truly am sorry.

203 · Aug 2018
Teach me
sabelo Aug 2018
You’re heartless,
You’re cold.
No emotional capacity.
You’re basically a machine.

What else can I be,
I am who I am, I can’t change.
Why would I, I am watching you with him
You moan his name like he’s a deity,  
So I won’t change, because changing
Would be admitting that I love you,
And I can’t love you.No. I won’t love you

He makes you happy in ways I wish,
I could but I am not him, because I
can’t be him so be with him, but don’t
Confuse me, let me be me.Love him,
So that I can hate you

— The End —