my violent ideations
quell at the presence of
you only

as you lean in for a kiss
i find myself again
in some analeptic bliss

my mind is subdued by
only you

but you stepped out from
my dreams and now
you haunt reality

and this love is just an addiction
that i can't help but feed.

i am not happy,
the past will
never change;
the memories
still haunt me
& i don't
feel the same.

i feel so beaten up
i feel so broken down
i think about what you've done
and then i start to drown
this isn't even a poem
i'm just trying to explain my emotions
i'm trying to make you understand
just how badly you've left me broken
there is no longer any trust
there is nothing left i have for you
so now i must adjust
to being alone and away from you
and i just can't bring myself
to say a single word to you
it hurts me far too much
and yet... i still want you to
hold on to me with
the tightest of grips
i know i'm already drowning
but please don't let me sink

let me love you
let me leave you
let me love you
let me leave you

let me ******* leave you

looked in my mirror and saw you in the reflection
battered and ****** and deeply infected

by the demons who sought to poison you each night
and the venom i'd spit whenever we'd fight

i know you see me as a your ***** secret
but i’m not some drug that you can keep hidden

and i won't stand here, alone and awaiting
a love that is pure because i am not patient

but since you left, it only ever rains
and i stand outside drenched in shame

cause you used to kiss me extra ******* these days
           you used to kiss me extra ******* these days

]i built a wall
]to block your love
]because i’m not
]deserving of.

started up high but fell down below
no matter what i try reality won’t slow
it’s too fast if anything
much like my inexhaustible heartbeat
there’s no cure to atrophy
no rhyme or reason
just a whole lot of apathy
empty hours spent alone
empty days spent apart
scars heal on skin
but traumatize the mind
the pain hangs like a noose
a personal rain cloud
your past is not kind
& my insecurity is too loud

it would all be so simple
if i could learn to trust
but i don’t have the guts.

i try to suppress the pain
but emotion isn't docile
i form words to explain
but it's all juvenile
& i want to be heard
but language is so futile
though i can think as an adult,
i speak like a ******* child

the ringing in my ears
won't seem to cease
my body burns in hell
while everyone else
gets to roam free
no hope for the future
hope is naive

i'm just longing
to feel nothing,
because nothing
creates peace.