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s Nov 2018
the empty
contour of yesterday
turns on itself

i reach in ...
toward oblivion

blind bliss

in search of
a blank simulacrum

any way to sin

anyone to satisfy
my evil soul within
who do you call to make the shootin' stop?
s Oct 2018
i am not happy,
the past will
never change;
the memories
still haunt me
& i don't
feel the same.
its just me n myself
once again
cuz i lost my lover
lost my best friend
he was never truly there
a figment of my imagination
all i wanted was his care
but love always leads to manipulation
so teach me how to move on,
teach me how to move anything
i am already too far gone,
but still craving your everything
s Oct 2018
i feel so beaten up
i feel so broken down
i think about what you've done
and then i start to drown
this isn't even a poem
i'm just trying to explain my emotions
i'm trying to make you understand
just how badly you've left me broken
there is no longer any trust
there is nothing left i have for you
so now i must adjust
to being alone and away from you
and i just can't bring myself
to say a single word to you
it hurts me far too much
and yet... i still want you to
hold on to me with
the tightest of grips
i know i'm already drowning
but please don't let me sink

let me love you
let me leave you
let me love you
let me leave you

let me ******* leave you
****,
s Oct 2018
i looked in my mirror and saw you in the reflection
all battered and ****** and clearly infected

by the demons who sought to poison you each night
and the venom i'd spit whenever we'd fight

so now you treat me as your ***** secret
but i'm not some drug that you can keep hidden

and i won't stand here, alone and awaiting
a love that is pure, because i am not patient

still, since you've left it only ever rains
as i stand outside drenched in my own shame

cause you used to kiss me extra ******* these days
           you used to kiss me extra ******* these days
wake up vomiting
wake up alone
who knew this love
would turn heart to stone
it's much too late
to ever atone
for all that is lost.

i'm already gone.
s Sep 2018
if i don’t chase after depression,
then depression chases after me
it apprehends my happiness-
smothers it with apathy

it harasses my mind and thought
drowns my conscience in regret
renders me inconsequential
like everyone else you will forget

anxiety takes a razor and
carves craters in our cadent hearts
we were once so harmonious together
now i guess we’re best apart

mental illness plagues my soul
it dissolves my brain and bone
and it’s very much contagious
so i deserve to be alone

at times i envision the future
and think about how i could mend ****
but depression explains how much easier
it would be for me to just end it

now apathy drains the strength from my body
and tucks me
into a grave.

if i can not fight my sadness, there’s
no ******* way
i can be saved.
alternative title: emo poem
s Aug 2018
]i built a wall
]to block your love
]because i’m not
]deserving of.
s Jul 2018
started up high but fell down below
no matter what i try reality won’t slow
it’s too fast if anything
much like my inexhaustible heartbeat
there’s no cure to atrophy
no rhyme or reason
just a whole lot of apathy
empty hours spent alone
empty days spent apart
scars heal on skin
but traumatize the mind
the pain hangs like a noose
a personal rain cloud
your past is not kind
& my insecurity is too loud

it would all be so simple
if i could learn to trust
but i don’t have the guts.
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