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saranade Dec 2017
I am closer to immortal than you can imagine
When you lie down it defines beauty sleep
But, I am six feet over... I'm in heaven
And six feet under you're in heaven
A cure for a disease progressing

And no question of a harmonic progression
Even if my song is sung as a narration
The lullaby is my confession
Of loss and of pain...
The depression
For my son
Gone

Where I'm at there's little self-expression
My vocal chords are my only *****
But no one here is listening
Just you, to me
Singing to
My son

The exact structure of your skull was no accident
Synthesis is in my heart, as sound intents
Perfection of beats made in my chest
But as you are in the ground
With a skull so round
I sing down
To you

Painters get to blend more color, white or black
Keep mixing until pigment is exactly right
The tone of the dialogue is a fact
Enacting a meaning intact
On tight canvas skin

It is laughable the way sounds bounce around
That the sound reverberates in your skull
As we give energy to words announced
A frequency is altered by meanings
Dependant on tone or sound
  
I cannot count out the lullabies composed
I can only remember the feelings
Energy left by words we chose
And since you'll never return
I choose to come to you,
Oh, what I'd do for,
Just an ounce,
of your love
At home
saranade Dec 2017
Years we spent, speaking in silence
    Wth the most of feelings, you changed me
We spoke in feelings
        A currency not used enough.

Your feelings are energy
    And I am your energy, too
We are enough to power the galaxy
        Maybe that's exactly what we do.

We powered through the struggles before us
    Lighting up every dark day
With a simple exchange of feelings... Energy...
         The current that is you and I.

You were a tidal wave the flushed my skin
    A bolt of lightening that burned away pain
You were red wine that turned my pale cheeks
         And everything became flushed with power.

You've now become that energy
    Pure and devine and heavenly
In a land I cannot walk through
         But a current with me,
            through all my days.
Energy is life is feelings is all.
saranade Nov 2017
Ten years miserably passed before..."At last!"
Four eyes dizzely cast into blue and brown,
and four, no, six legs on the ground.
Wistfully down a park laid sidewalk, we walked
to meet one another, blissfully.

We walked inside the dried canal, a river of the desert.
It hurts that we go there, no more, to flirt
with the dirt and our companion... infinity.
Is it you with me as I find kin company
in the molecules of divinity?

Repeatedly, I go searching the vicinity and nearby
For anything with similarity that I can call you by.
Any tree, light, shadow or star in the proximity
of where we met that belonged to you and me.
Or a feeling of solidarity that I cannot see.

Son, don't let me now survive ten years expeditiously.
Destructively alive, left with the intangiblity of life
that we left at that decision tree at 5:45.
Repetitiously I continue to apologize,
but apologies won't bring you back to life.
Seeking the sureness of his afterlife.
saranade Nov 2017
As you fell asleep I held my breath
You told me you weren't afraid of death
Only that you didn't want to leave
The comfort I built with my knees around you

You said,
"The stars, they shine only at night
but they're still there even when it's light
The twinkle, the twilight is still in sight
No fret, no fright, our love is right
and it illuminates the days and nights you fight
the feeling you're not alright
But love is right...
And, mama, you're alright"

My grief could drown the ocean
Pain so big it's cosmic, a stellar potion
My son, you are more than the universe
and it's universal like a star in motion
We are but one candle in a drop of the ocean

You said,
"when lights shoot across the sky...
it's not goodbye"

The kindest simple paralysis as I held your chest
No matter if it's right... It's best
My lifes left a mess of emptiness and loneliness  
and that ocean is the tears I've wept

See, your ghost, it's not a 'thing'
It's not something I can boast about seeing
It's a host of the most amazing sights seen
It's been in my heart since the beginning of my time

You're going to be young for eternity
because what you are and what you were
is a feeling
A beguiling, bewildering feeling

But the worst is here, it hurts me my dear
Another feeling on my list of fears
I see you, son. I feel you, son. I love you, son.
These feelings... They're energy... They are you and me.
RIP.
saranade Nov 2017
I sang to you, my son, until I ran out of breath
And sang to you again as I gave you to death.
I've been stuck in house arrest
Because I've given you to death.
I declare my degree in your grief
But I sing to you...
"I-I-I have never lo-o-oved someone,
the wa-ay I love you-u-u"

A lament for your bending brain descent
With energy so pure, unsure and in the moment
With disorient movement on legs bent
Or were they wings?
It was hard to tell on the descent.

Yet, something eternal was created
At your birth and at your death
Your heart was too big for your chest
We wept together over it,
Over your death,
As there was no preparation for the separation
Your rotation of cognation
Gives formation to an ideation if...
You... You ever were
Or I... I ever was?

Disposessed words in the world we'd imagined
Obtained and ingrained love in our intestines
Our black will eventually turn to grey
The grey will one day go away
Just as blood dries and becomes sparks
It parks inside eyes to become stars
And the love we lasted long enough to receive
Becomes songs in energy I sing
From my throat
From my hand to your coat, I bathe you
I soak you with my love... a baptismal
     ... like never before and ...
As you drown under, you wonder
If you... You ever were
Or I... I ever was.
Death. Euthanasia. I had to say goodbye to my wire fix terrier.
saranade Oct 2017
Give an insignificant person
The opportunity to be significant
And they'll change everything!
saranade Oct 2017
Look,
The day will come where it takes a mortician
to show you there are worse things
  than your depression
Death or dismemberment
It's not just your falsified insurance claim
The day you fell to your knees and wept
  over the great pacific ocean
In the city of angels you were humbled by its majestic potion
The message in a bottle you never sent
Your laziness allowed the entire ocean to be swept
  carelessly away for your lack of devotion
The day you spoke about your loneliness
sitting in an upright-coffin-confession
Adjacent to the man who ***** children
  to make himself feel... more... man.
Literally, I meant, he felt those young men.

Did that yet distract your pain?
Remember that day
that day you cried to your doctor
  Elaborating about your back and lack of motion
She’d been crying
She was trying to comprehend
hospice for her cancer-ridden husband
  Off to die, he was sent
Oh, that's exactly what it meant.

But, oh, that little tiny microscopic pain!
Then there was that day you complained
To your flat-mate about your job being so mundane.
  As she spoke of her boss firing her,* post-*****
To avoid the human resource claim
You were hell-bent over your issue…
As she went insane.

Remember the day you went "insane" to your best friend
About your second wedding being destroyed by the rain
Your bestie was a man who had never felt the embrace
      of love
           affection
                 or pain
The ability to cherish
The passion and pain of a woman,
      he had paralyzed legs,
           no woman had ever loved him
                 Because he could never provide ***.
And YES you booooooo-hoo-ed
Over all your costume-esque dresses getting wet
Whats next?
You complain about the rain...
  A magical natural scene
But LOOK,
You've never once tried
to see that persons suffering.
Selfish people. Self absorbed and thoughtless.
#RE-WRITE
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