umbilical cords i was
born with a pair
one motherly
the latter devilish
one i lost
one i kept with me
steel, forever cursed.
it pulls me
to the destruction path
where i lie with no remorse
and it's the strangest force
that pushes you away
from me.
invisible lives i lead
in the dark
where i keep you the most
but sometimes show you sparks
from a parallel road
i should have taken
right from the womb
but they drag me down
yet attached to hell
by a fine, thin
unbreakable thread

please forgive me
and them
we're one at this point


-- Eleanor

Distant lights at the horizon,
At the shore with longing;
Once a sail, a sail forever.

Hope alike the burning stars,
Afar, afar but dying;
Once a death, a death forever.

Dreams, vibrant with colours,
The real lacking indeed;
Once a grim, a grim forever.

And, you and I will never
Ever, ever, ever
Be together.


-- Eleanor

Your absence sits on my skin
As layers and layers
Of melancholia
Feeding off
My flesh and bones
Until I am no more
But melancholia.


F.Z.N

I want you
to rip every vein from my skin
pull them out like worms from the ground
touch my blood
and **** in the pure guilt
I have drowned myself in
pull my teeth out
and drag them along my naked body
carve shapes into this dead, papery flesh
don't forget the ruby red lipstick
cake it onto my betraying, seductive lips
let your arms travel everywhere it pleases
yank my hair
grab the strands and brush them over my face
my finger nails, paint them white like purity
wrapped in the ****** Mary
Last, don't forget my
heart
Rip it from the connecting arteries
and let me feel the sting
and watch your hands too, tinted in my beautiful red

I am your canvas
I am your doll
I am your **** that
Nobody will ever know
Because under all this...
I'm dead.