I found us
And I killed us.

I shouldn't have.


-- Watercolour

There in the garden
I waited and waited
So patiently.

I waited for hours,
Days, almost a century.

There in the garden
I could have died
From longing.

Many a thing occurred
Before my sight.

Many died,
Many were born,
Some were reborn.

I waited for days
And the sun stood still.

It was only a minute.


--Watercolour

What has life made of me?
Where has life taken me?

This body has never been mine, nor will this mind ever be.

There is a terrific sadness in every time
I look in the mirror and pretend to smile.

Dear Adam,
I have missed the spring and I am coming to you soon
The eyes that flicker, the stories behind the eyelids
The heart that ***** in the air
Like a flightless bird that dreams to fly.
Make sure you open up those heavy arms of yours
Make of my thin body your prisoner
Forever
See me for the second time,
Look at me as if it was the first time.

Adam, the ground has never been mine to walk upon
This Earth is selfish, she wants us all
But I am weary, just like you.
Everywhere I look, I find wrinkles
Old objects full of dust
Young people full of lust
Golden hearts full of rust.

Adam, I have been reeking of desolation
Since the day I died
Right there on grass that has never been greener
Under a sun that has never shone brighter
Since I died
Of longing
I have been reeking of desperation
If it wasn't for the books you left me,
If it wasn't for this letter today
If it wasn't for the hope of finding you again
I would have long turned into a portrait
Copied off of a portrait of a portrait
Of a portrait someone painted off the back of their mind
Intelligible and faint.

Adam, the lines on my palms are fading
Drip by drip
The water in me is adding up
And drowning what life has left of me
Poor little soul, good for nothing but the sadness

Adam, I wish I was sad like you
But I am not sad
I am bored,
Like a writer that never learned to write
A painter without paints
A mermaid on land
I am bored like the zoo.

I am coming to you soon.
But I know you're not there.

Goodbye summer and everything that's as clear
I will miss you my dear.


-- Watercolour

Circumstances are hinges
Where poetry swings.
They can open a door
To a million linguistic expressions
Or they can shut them off
**** them in the sore of your throat
But never mute the meaning of.
Meaning lays in the very state
Of furtiveness and nakedness
From which words, inner or external
Emerge.
When mine merge with yours
It's beautiful
But when feelings do
As ore as they can get
There is not a word
Left to say.


-- Eleanor

i left you because
my glass feels less lonely
than you.

i left you because
my drunken haze
didn't match yours.

i left you because
your soft voice was
heaven to my ears

and i always preferred hell.

i left you because
you leave me every night
and speak the name
of someone else.

someone skinned
deeper onto your skin,
someone you can't just leave
someone for whom you breathe.

i left you because
you always left me

and your fingers didn't feel like a lock
when mine were the key
they didn't fit in.

i left you because I love me
like ghosts on water
like ideas of forever

and you love me
only
momentarily.


-- Eleanor

The first time I met you
You said I was too quick,
That you liked to take your time.

I said, well okay fair enough
Let's take this as slow as should.

It didn't take two weeks
Before you broke me.

Speak of quickness.


-- Eleanor

When the pouring rain
Hits my face and blends with the tears
I remember you.


-- Eleanor

Our minds collapse at the speed of fire
Spreading in the dry forest of our pasts
The dungeons melt into one
And my soul is not mine alone
Now that we've met, it's ours.

You speak the words my mouth hungers for
I seek the moon which longs for your howls
Day and night
At night, alone,
I know you're home.

Burning with desire and lust
You look at me with fiery eyes

Where does the light come from
And where does it go.

I don't know.


-- Eleanor

i am lying on my stomach
starring at the blue elephant prints on this duvet
i got from Sri Lanka last year. and there's
a small voice in my head
that says to me, do not fall in love again.

but i do it it anyway.


-- Eleanor

and if someday,
some happy day
life grabs you by the collar
and knocks some sense
into your head,
don't think about it
don't fight it.

just remember
that somewhere
in the bottom of a wine glass,
you exist
forever.


-- Eleanor