Or a lack thereof
Keep me up at night I built a dam A wall to hide from my feelings But the water level is rising Steadily rising Pressure increasing There are cracks in the dam Irreparable and threatening to burst And yet I pretend That it’s okay That it won’t That there’s nothing to hide from But I can’t keep pretending. I’m on the verge of a flood And I am afraid
I hope that one day
I will sit down to write And fill the pages With hope And love And longing And **** And fervour And feelings That I have not felt In a very long time
When it is late enough at night I wonder whether all of it Was my fault I wonder what it is That I did That made you decide I wasn’t worth it I wonder how far I must have pushed you To make you want to leave Without a trace It is much easier to accept That I did something wrong Than to accept That you left because you stopped caring It is much easier to convince myself That I was the problem Than to convince myself That you just didn’t want me anymore It is considerably easier To hate myself Than it is To hate you
I am exhausted
But no matter how long I lay in bed Sleep evades me I toss and turn Playing our conversations over in my head Trying to find where I went wrong And I wonder If you will ever let me sleep As peacefully as you do at night
I'm trying to love you a little less desperately so I can live my life a little more fully. but every time I see you smile at someone that isn't me, my heart starts beating in my throat and I want to throw up and I realize that I could never love you any less than I already do.
and I'm still awake while you lay peacefully in bed and my music is too loud and my brain foggy with sleep all because you don't know that I'm in love with you.
I would sleep better knowing thaylt he knew.
I guess love
is never really love. not until you feel it buzzing in your fingertips and every time you kiss.
this was a note on another poem but I liked it so much I gave it its own space.