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  Oct 2017 Sara Lohals
kay
First, you choke on an easy mouthful of air, gasping in over and over but feeling more light-headed all the while
Second, you close your eyes, taste the terror rising up the back of your throat and blocking the air from going down
Third, you shatter, feel your body falling apart and realize with a vengeance how delicate your life is
Fourth, the panic starts. you shake, scream, sob, curl up or lash out while it grabs hold of your nerves and bends your body to it's will
Fifth, you find some breath. maybe someone is helping you. maybe you're helping yourself. a wave of calm displaces every other feeling.
Sixth, you lose your body. your mind floats in a pool of nothingness while your body runs out of primitive instinct. your calm turns to numb.
Seventh, you blink. you breathe. you remember what it feels like to be in control of your body again. you drink some water, or sleep, or both. your head hurts. your mind drifts between your body and the ether. you wipe your face and try to remember what it's like to not be having an attack.
Eighth, you can't remember, because it never seems to end. you accept it. you refuse it. you hate it. you cry. your chest gets tight.
  Oct 2017 Sara Lohals
Mya
I am a hypocrite down to my core
So forgive me for trying to save you
When I never could save myself
  Oct 2017 Sara Lohals
Mya
The sun could never outshine her
However, I failed to remember something simple
We continue to see the light of a star
Even years after they have died
  Oct 2017 Sara Lohals
Rebel Heart
"Don't do drugs"
Everyone always says
They're addictive
Self-harming,
Cruel in every way.
I pledged to be drug-free
Since my pig-tail days.
But then you crashed into my life
And blew everything away.

My worst addiction
Was the sweetness of your lips
My favorite destruction
Written in your fingertips
My worst obsession
The deep color of your eyes
My favorite drug
In your sweet little lies.
Poem from some years ago I feel too deeply right now. Happy writing ~ BM

(Front Page 10/7/17)

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