two separate selves.

one that can hear, and one that can speak.

Chained to my bones.
Grateful ghost am I.


Sara Fielder © Dec 2023

I.

In a perfect world

love reigned,

peace prospered,

and humility came naturally.


II.

Rain echoing outside picture window

in the dim light.

Cozy warm.


Sara Fielder © Feb 2024

I think I just saw my brother in the bathroom mirror just now
when I walked by.


Sara Fielder © Dec 2023

what the other

persons needs were,

until it was too late.



Sara Fielder © Dec 2023

You do not have

any other choice

than to

endure your destiny.



Sara Fielder © Dec 2023

I use my dog as an excuse
to not go see them.



Sara Fielder © Dec 2023

When you're young and have something to prove.

When you become invisible.

When cynicism and paranoia eat your Soul.

When your grip on Earth isn't that tight.

When understanding dispels fear.

When no amount of influence can force a person to listen
if they have their mind made up.

When my brother or me will die and neither of us will know it.

When it seems like their only objective is to make you feel
like **** about yourself.

When we emulate our parents.

When we don't respect what we don't understand.

When we lose our patience and humility.

When we say we've let go of a grudge we haven't.

When we find God, lose Him and find Him again.

When we do wrong and can't get rid of it all.

When love magnetizes us and there is a ***** of hope.

When even facts are a matter of perception.

When poetry can set your heart free.


Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

as an infant,

i had no control.  

as a child,

i gave away control.

as a Youth, i flaunted control.

in midlife, i tolerated control.

in old age, i forgave conrol.



Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

On my thigh, I stroke the dogs forehead.

A velveteen appledome pillow,

marveling at how soft

it is,

and how she takes no exception

that I do so.

Just the two of us.

My fingertips summoning all the love

they can muster.

She curls into a ball with

corresponding sigh,

soul content in dreams,

hallucinating shapes and shadow,

Sleeping Beauty tree twigs snapping

underfoot and under paw,

birdsong,

mud puddles,  

frogs found, killed, and eaten

in the algamuck.

My voice and whistle stop commands

providing the directions.

The quaking yellow cottonwood leaves

raining down on us

as soft as she is.




Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

I'm starting to worry about myself.

Nothing is solicited.

Nothing is offered.

A mild sort of concentration camp

detachment sets in

as one watches their life

go by alone,

at home,

from the couch.

Burnt soup on the stove.

Remembering what real hunger felt like.

Childhood memories.

Waiting for someone to come home.

Feeling them in the room when no one does.

Forgetting to turn out the lights.

Hiding from the neighbors,

but still waving to the mailman.

Fantasizing about ***.

Calls you never answer.

Aches and pains in every position.

Vacuuming.

Returning to my senses asking,

"Who will find the body?"



Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

I'm sure I've killed things,

but I might not remember them all,

and at the time,

I rationalized the killing.

It's less complicated that way.

The fish, never went to waste.

The flies, need no justification.

That kick I gave the cat

I do feel bad about though.




Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

It's fear that's the worst.

Above anything and all else,

it's fear that jeopardizes you.
  
Stalking the family tree

in a line of succession.

You, being that,

which is itself the very fear

that causes you to feel this way.

The fear that is nothing.

The same nothing you fear is real.

The paralyzing thought

you might lose a grip

on your reality someday

so come to an agreement with yourself

that you have to prevent that. At every cost.

Anyway,



Sara Fielder © Nov 2023

When
we
were
as young as
lemons
I was
not so
leaky.


Sara Fielder © Mar 2023

I asked her what she did today, and she said,

"I got a Brazilian and went to the bank.".



Bonnie Fielder © Mar 2023

If you want someone to love you,

don't pester them.



Sara Fielder © Jan 2023

To "Let go, and let God"

is no more different to me than

jumping off of a cliff.


Sara Fielder © Mar 2023

my heart is as angry as alligators,

and nobody has any idea.


Sara Fielder © Mar 2023

I'm going to try and give you the best life
you could ever imagine.


Sara Fielder © Jan 2023

The dog is sick
asleep in her chair
so doesn't realize it's our appointed
time to go to the pond.

Mind           wanders
There is subsequent release.

Force         Nothing

Sit
Devoid
Avoid
Negative Thinking
I am a closed loop system.

Where is my origin?
My soul floats, and
it always has.

Sara Fielder © Feb 2023

Whenever I stopped by,

it would ruin it for them.


Sara Fielder © Dec 2022

I put makeup on for my dog.


Sara Fielder © Nov 2022

she

looked

down

in the

shower

saw her

Mother's

thighs,

knees,

feet.


She

got

out

of the

shower

saw her

Father's

mustache

growing out of

her

chin.



Sara Fielder © Nov 2022

Tonight,

my son in law to be

started crying during

the wedding rehearsal.


Sara Fielder © Nov 2022

the more I realize how inconsequential my pride, ego
and feelings are a factor into things,
and that the Universe
decides our outcomes.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

Concern.

but only if you show too much.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

Pikake body lotion.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

Nothing drowns out the fire of memories more than
trying to re-kindle them in your present-day life.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

a hard shower so hot it makes your skin itch.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

Husband,

there are times I have no idea on Earth
what the good Lord has sent you here to teach me.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

stand up for your beliefs!

Then wipe the slate clean and begin over
again, knowing nothing.

Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

and the simplest things become the most difficult?
time warp of days with the same
'ol thing on the stove
then don't taste the food
when you eat it as thoughts speed ahead
with their many merrily and magnanimous
memories emerging back out onto the opposite
side of day and keep bouncing,
bouncing back and forth between the twinkling
twilight and a thousand yellow sunny rays
of sacred morning.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

when you start taking life for granted.


Sara Fielder © Oct 2022

Recognize it when you see it.

Jealousy.


Sara Fielder © Sept 2022

Don't say anything like, "Don't say anything".

Sara Fielder © Sept 2022

apparently, we have endangered ourselves
in the process of protecting ourselves,
and everything in between scampers
into the den to try and defile, but it all works out
in the end, still may I remind you that all the
rhyming in the world won't save you, and it is as if
not paying attention wasn't the worst thing you
could do because it is. Period.
No one can conquer that level of assurance.
That might even be what they were referring to
in the bible when they spoke about the sword of truth.
What is truth? It is personal. It is individual.
Sharp enough for you?


Sara Fielder © Sept 2022

i'm powerful like the gentry. cuz
I can

**** time
with my phone.


Sara Fielder © Sept 2022

When you have a hard time bringing yourself
from being mad, watch yourself watching yourself.
Then try watching yourself hear.

You'll see sound.


Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

at the end of the day when I lay my head down
on the pillow, Boom! a sturdy poem rides in
on its word horse so that I
have to get up out of bed to write it down.

This wasn't one of them.


Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

I thank God I can do things most fat people can't.

Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

Ambrosia. The sound it makes is better than it even tastes.


Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

My husband is the best parent I've ever had.

Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

it would seem,
on some level,
there is going to be fear.
Always fear.

Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

for some reason I get calm watching Clean Master
sweep Ad Junk off my phone.

Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

stay calm and come out shooting I said
in advance of the impending attack of dusty desert
bandits, a hundred-degree thunderstorm upon us buffeted
the camper shell and raindrops fell hard against
our fiberglass surrounded by Socorro cactus raising
up their Gumby arms in praise of Thor who I was sure had
caused a problem for us bringing a flood of water
with dark and starry wind whose breath had seemed
to ******* alive for the first time since
our last notorious escapade.



Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

you ignore the long-lost phone number
coming across your cell phone face, then
delete the persons voicemail before
they were even finished speaking.

Sara Fielder © Aug 2022

Children can find the cracks
in your fortress wall ~
are able to crumble your
hidey- hole to bits and leave you in a puddle to
question where its architecture ever
came from in the first place.



Sara Fielder © July 2022

Self control is highly underrated.


Sara Fielder © July 2022

my romance is as flatulent
as a t.v. addict.

Sara Fielder © July 2022

The livestock don't have
any money for gas because of the Chinese
so they soak themselves in
social media mass destruction,
ghosts hiding behind the toilet in the internet bathroom
aliens among aliens all about to implode
taking themselves for granted, figures of their own imagination,
muffed hearts grating in confusion allowing the cat
named Wanda to pitter patter the apartment
with her puny paws on purpose
Time never slows down fast enough
to listen and as long as they think
they are happy the World continues to move through
them like water in a recycled wave.


Sara Fielder © July 2022

Nothing to obstruct the eye for miles.

On that day, and in that age,
the land was flat and bald contrasting against
a mass of sky-blue backdrop.

America. The Great Plains.

Six million hides roamed a century ago
gently grazing blue green grassland waves
until Dodge City,

and all you saw was blood everywhere, and all you heard
were buffalo huffing their dying breaths.



Sara Fielder © July 2022