she keeps searching for someone 
to spend her days with,
only because
 she has too much love in her heart; 

it’s starting to fill up her body,
 bounded only by her skin.

she feels it trickle out of her pores, 
a viscous intuition,

something that she will never see,

but can only believe.

I can still smell you,
Hookah mixed with alcohol
The strength of your arms
Under that old shirt
Having to shout over the bass
And still feeling strangely intimate
Almost like we never separated.
And you know now,
That I still loved you.
And I know now,
That you still love me.
And it feels like we were never alone.

mercury’s in retrograde

and i’m not happy about it

whatever happened to

the endless cold days of

moving forward?

instead we are pushed

back

into the unknowing states

where anything goes

and the slight fears become

real

again.

A father on life support holds on
When the doctors said he couldn’t,
For his youngest daughter
To fly across the world
So he can see her before he passes.
So it goes.

Her car gets hit as she brakes
On a snowy, wet day
A girl with her whole life waiting
Who gently starts to decay.
They never find who fled the scene.
So it goes.

A child born to a chorus of
Holy infant so tender and mild
Sleep in heavenly peace
On the twelfth day
Of the twelfth month
Of the twelfth year
So it goes.

Two lonely men
And a world full of sorrow
One stands proud and believing
As the other falls, for a friendship
Set to end only in death.
So it goes.

Called names from the start, a young girl
Later, to others, beautiful
To herself, unacceptable
Spirals downwards into
Depression, anxiety, suicide.
So it goes.

An elder brother
Slams a tennis racket into
His young sister’s nose
And says that she tripped on the cement
It bleeds a river.
So it goes.

A slowly failing planet
Blue, green, and white
Enveloped in the silence of space
And the distance of cold stars
So it goes.

(they say you die twice)
as the curtains open
as the curtains close
as the applause thunders down the rows
(the first time is your physical death)
the programs rustle
the audience is a mass of every age
the spotlights shine on an empty stage
(the second is the last time someone says your name)

(start with a bow and a swish)
we are a thousand beating symphonies
variations of a familiar theme
treble clefs and four/four rhythms
chord progressions up to E
(sorrow and anger and love and hate)
arpeggios and interludes
minuets quadrilles and waltzes
the refrains, the fermatas, the reprises
we are a thousand sweeping overtures
(the last note rings through an empty auditorium)

i never meant for it to end up like this
it wasn't - wasn't it?
(i wanted this to happen)
now where is my dear husband
and
where is my dear sanity
and
where is my dear life
(it's the spot it's on my hand it won't leave me)
i must sleep - no i must not
i must eat - no i must not
i must wash my hands
again
and again
and again again
(this is all my fault)