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11.5k · Apr 2015
Tired eyes.
Sam Haidan Apr 2015
Her tired eyes tell stories,
Of a thousand lives before.
His tired eyes are weary,
Of a thousand lies he's been told.
Their tired eyes meet each other's,
A kind of magic unfolds.

And now their tired eyes together,
Don't look so tired anymore.
4.3k · Apr 2015
Mindless love affair.
Sam Haidan Apr 2015
Breathe in
The stale air
Of our mindless love affair
That isn't really mindless at all
But we fall
And we fall
And I crawl
And you crawl
Until we meet on our knees
And pick each other up
Back to our feet
But the struggle
And the trouble
Oh the lies
The silent cries for help
The screaming inside our heads
The shattered glass on the floor
The broken lock on the door
Do you love me?
No you don't
Yes you do
I love you too
Enough to run
And to hide
So you find me
And it's good for a while
but I'm scared all the time
And you're bruised from the plight
And your scars spell my name
And I know I'm to blame
So I beat myself up
And so you beat yourself up
There's no stopping either of us
Lets just kiss and make up
With whatever we have left
We have nothing left
All we have is each other
All we have is our mindless love affair
That isn't really mindless at all.
4.2k · Mar 2015
Circus.
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
A million eyes gaze upon her,
Of different shapes sizes and colors.
Varied intention, varied purpose,
She stands alone entrapped in the circus.

The music plays on
But she hears no sound,
Under the echoes of laughter,
Vicious and loud.

Arms fly up in judgement,
Point fingers stretched out.
Deafening whispers,
"Look at that clown."

Strings tied to her limbs,
Her arms and her jaw;
The act commences,
Unrehearsed and flawed.

"Ladies and gentlemen,
Lo and behold!
The biggest disappointment
You'll ever know. "
4.2k · Mar 2015
Oasis.
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
I had a dream of a dessert.
You were a mirage;
And I was a thirsty traveller,
Captivated by your illusion,
Carrying a torch,
Even though you didn't exist.
3.2k · Apr 2015
Perfect Imperfections.
Sam Haidan Apr 2015
Look at you.
You, with the perfect imperfections.
With the intrinsic flaws
Delicately designed
To strike my every nerve and make it twitch.
Your presence is an infestation,
A troubling invasion through my mind,
And still, it fills in all the empty spaces.
You, with the perfect imperfections,
Are here to stay.
And I would have it no other way.
2.0k · Jan 2015
Dice
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
He plays the same game, and in it, I’m not a ****. I’m not a player. I’m the dice that he picks up, waves around and throws down, over and over again, anticipating the outcome.

And it’s okay that he doesn’t have a heart,
I have enough heart for the both of us.
It’s okay that he doesn’t care,
I can care enough for the both of us.
But he won’t let me.
And he won’t set me free either.
1.3k · Dec 2014
The world is burning.
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
The world has been burning,
And nobody seems to notice.
These flames, relentless,
Destroy everything within.
Without. The shouts. The cries.
The falls. The bleeding.
And nobody stops.
Nobody listens.
Nobody pays attention.
Nobody cares.
They stare,
From afar.
Too afraid to get their hands *****.
And morals. What morals?
The concept is null and void,
Like the contract with our souls.
Lo and behold,
The world is burning,
And nobody bats an eye.

There's a body in the distance,
Motionless and cold.
And still all around,
Rejoice in the snow,
Until it envelopes them all,
Yes, then they'll know,
That the world has been burning,
Every flame with an agenda of its own.

Ignorance is not escape,
Just like knowledge is not power.
With every wasted second,
Of every wasted day,
Of every wasted breath,
And every forsaken dream,
We inch closer to our deaths;
Because the world has been burning,
And nobody gives a ****.

We're never beyond help,
If we could only see,
To continue like this,
To live like this,
To die like this,
Is such a shame.
We were meant for better,
The worst is that we know it,
And still we do nothing.
We do nothing.
We say nothing.
So what makes us any different,
From the thieves and the liars?
Because the world has been burning
And we're adding fuel to the fire.

We all share this disease,
One that we refuse to cure;
And so the world will keep burning,
Until there's no world anymore.
1.1k · Nov 2014
Golden Dust.
Sam Haidan Nov 2014
Where's the big man in the red suit,
Who brought me gifts for no reason?
Even if it was just on one night of the year.

Where's the man who occasionally sprinkled,
Golden dust on my eyes,
To make sure I didn't get too many nightmares?

Where's the ******* fairy,
Who made it all worthwhile,
Even when life knocked the teeth right out of my jaw?

It's ironic but I need them,
More now than I did then.
985 · Feb 2015
Immortal.
Sam Haidan Feb 2015
And I know that we have met before,
In a time and place I cannot recall.
I reckon it to be far long ago,
During a time of magic and frolic.
And that magic has remained with us still,
Through all our lives of togetherness,
Too mighty to be killed.

With you, I feel alive,
As though submerged in an endless ocean of enlightenment;
And immersed in winds that blow
Untamed by even mother nature herself.
For we defy all logic and reason,
Unaffected by anything
Outside of our souls’ immortal bind.
957 · Dec 2014
Monkeys.
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
The night train, half past 12.
A journey alone,
Away from the mediocrity.
To think that I would fear them,
To think that I would let them take me,
And make me a slave;
To burn me with their routines.
******* monkeys.

This is my venture.
This is my meaning,
My life, my purpose,
My death, if it must be;
And they shall not have it.
For I do not bear what it is they seek,
What it is they feed on;
Fear.

Swarms of blood thirsty corpses,
Not dead nor alive.
And I with my pound of flesh stand my ground.
Come and get me, you *******.
933 · Jan 2015
Beautiful mess.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
He set her on fire,
And danced in the ashes.
A divinity's shadow,
Like the devil himself.

She joined in his dance,
Weak and powerless,
And they waltzed together,
In a beautiful mess.

She burned in his arms,
She burned and she scarred.
He rejoiced in her pain,
She rejoiced in his flame.

She burned and she scarred,
She yearned and he laughed.
A beautiful mess,
In each other's arms.
916 · Jan 2015
I'm not for everyone.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
Here I stand,
In all my greatness and all my flaws.
Everything that I am.
Love me or hate me,
But I urge you to first see me.
Understand me.
Break me down and study,
The cracked surface of the pieces.
Will you be gentle?
Or will you ***** your fingers on the sharp edges?
Because if you love me,
Let it be with reason.
And if you hate me,
I won't call it treason.

I know I'm not for everyone.
874 · Sep 2014
Pedestal
Sam Haidan Sep 2014
There I go...
I’m on a pedestal again.
I wish you knew
That I don’t belong here.
I wish I could show you
All that is within me.
The chaos in my mind
The corruption of my soul.
Everything I hide
Everything unknown.
But if I do so,
The pedestal will fall,
And you’ll be gone
And I’ll be alone
Once again.
834 · Mar 2015
Explode.
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
I want to love, but my head hurts.
I’d rather be numb,
But you won’t allow it, will you?

Step outside of your mind and into mine,
Feel my crazy.

Let me step outside of my mind and into yours,
And search within,
The parts of me that I have lost in you.
The parts of me that that you loved and kept,
For yourself,
And then shunned me away,
When there was nothing left.

What sins of my past
Have fated me to feel,
Rewarded and punished
Simultaneously?
Can you imagine the conflict?
I reckon, you cannot.

Set me free,
Take back your clutches,
Let me live in ignorance
As I once did;

Or love me,
As you once did.

Or watch me as I try not to explode.

You see, I want to love,

But my head really ******* hurts.
808 · Mar 2015
Slip.
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
I feel you slipping away,
But how do I stop you
When I can't seem to keep
My own two feet on the ground?
749 · Jan 2015
Storm
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
If your love is all I have,
And could ever have,
I will strip myself of all else,
Good and bad,
And with arms wide open,
Embrace your soul,
As it were my own.

And if your touch is all I feel,
And could ever feel,
I will forsake my memories,
Good and bad,
And take your hand,
And carry it for as long as you please.

And if your voice is all I hear,
And could ever hear,
I will not care.
For in it's rhapsody,
Greater than any song,
Is where I belong.
Now and forever.

And if your eyes are all I see,
And could ever see,
I will let your gaze devour me,
For it is your eyes,
That set me free.

And if your pain is all I deserve,
And will ever deserve,
I will surrender all my fears,
And prepare to bleed.

I will ride your storm,
And if I am to drown..

I will have drowned justly.
I ******* love him.
712 · Feb 2015
Nightmare
Sam Haidan Feb 2015
I was running through a dark forest
The trees were bare,
No leaves, no leaves.
Just branches that creeped
Like the cadaverous fingernails of a demon.
And in the sky,
It’s infinite yellow eyes.
And the wind
Cried it’s requiem of disaster -

“Run run run,
While you still can,
I’m coming for your legs,
I’m coming for your hands.
Run run run,
While you still can,
I’m coming for your legs,
I’m coming for your hands.”

I was running through a shallow stream,
The water was cold,
No heat, no heat.
Dead fish swam in schools of misery,
Amidst a black fungus of rotten dreams.
And in the sky,
The shadow of a sprite,
And the wind
Cried it’s requiem of disaster -

“Run run run,
While you still can,
I’m coming for your legs,
I’m coming for your hands.
Run run run,
While you still can,
I’m coming for your legs,
I’m coming for your hands.”
So I had a really bad dream last night...
706 · Jun 2015
Ambedo
Sam Haidan Jun 2015
I crave your soul,
Your mind and body,
The smell of your hair,
And taste of your mouth.
Devour all my senses,
Make me delirious,
Make me stupid,
Invade my thoughts,
Make them one with your own,
Until I think of nothing more,
Or less,
Than you.
Take me everywhere,
That you have been,
And have never been.
Or just take me.
Hold me,
Touch me,
Everywhere.
Kiss me,
Everywhere.
Kiss me softly,
Make love to me hard,
Until my bones quiver,
And your body trembles.
I am yours for the taking.
I will search every corner of the world
To find what brings you happiness.
I will cover you with love.

*You make me silly in ways that nobody else ever could.
698 · Dec 2014
Midnight city.
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
Summer breeze, the cold sand beneath my feet.
Waist deep in a sea of diametric emotions, chaotic yet alleviating;
Like running rampant with free thought to an ethereal destination -
Exhilarating and pointless.

The moonlight shone brilliantly in your eyes, a shame to it's source;
A sparkle like no star has dared to bare.
Comforting distress, a beautiful nightmare.

You speak of bliss whilst full of pain,
Tainted to perfection.
A soul as deep as can be, yet consumed with a void.
A soul like my own,
A soul like my own.

Your words, like the fall of hail in the scorching heat of the sun, sweet and painful;
Cunningly flow through my heart in disguised pleasure.
Euphoric but relentless.

So close yet so far.
A slight touch at par with the magnificent current of the ocean that washes away our sins.
But alas, my acceptance is a sin in itself.

Why must you be what I've searched for evermore,
And still, unattainable.
An undeniable connection altered to a mind numbing war between right and wrong;
Is there nothing beyond?

But in midnight city, our secrets we reveal.
In midnight city, our own, we deceive.
In midnight city, it's only you and me.
A beautiful night, forever imprinted in our memories.
Midnight city is code for the name of the place that we fell in love against all odds.
682 · Feb 2015
Another night.
Sam Haidan Feb 2015
Another night,
Another array of dismembered emotion.
I zig zag across the room to your bed,
And join you as we lie,
Naked in our flaws together;
Perhaps, a peculiar vision,
Confusing, yet compelling.
Look at my eyes,
Look into your eyes,
I smile and then you smile,
Nothing else exists.
And eventually the eyes begin to close...
Infiltrate my dreams, won’t you?
Rescue me as I drift away.
677 · Feb 2015
Labyrinths
Sam Haidan Feb 2015
His eyes were labyrinths leading into his soul;
And he showed me the path through,
And there was magic,
In every ******* step of the way.

When he held me against his chest,
The world would slip
Further and further away
With every beat of his heart.

And I could swear there were times
When I felt our souls
Whisper to each other,
While our minds were lost in slumber,
About the many lives they’d spent together.
A few verses from a slam poem I wrote that I'm still working on.
653 · Dec 2014
Hush
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
Come to me,
Don't make a sound,
I'll protect you, my love.

From this world of battle and sin,
Through thick and through thin,
I'm here for your service,
As it was always meant to be.
Confined.

Shh! Quiet!
The people come.
Let me guard you from their clutch.
Stand behind me,
And we shall be forever free,
From their betrayal.
I will not let them stay.
I'll protect you, my love.

Don't be afraid,
I'm here for your life.
I will destroy all that harms you.
When the war is over,
I will let silence speak the words that calm you.

Just come to me,
Don't make a sound.
I'll protect you, my love.
625 · Dec 2014
Who are you now?
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
As the distance from your soul grows,
You’re slipping further away from what you once were.
You're tired.
And you're sick.
Sick of the way your life flows,
Blindly in the direction of the wind.
Until you’re nothing but skin and bones,
Hanging from a bunch of feeble strings,
That snap without warning.

And all that’s left is a ward of broken promises,
That you made to yourself.
All that’s left is a reservoir of shattered dreams,
That you had for yourself.
All that’s left is an endorsement for the typical,
That you once swore never to possess,
All that you have is a screeching voice inside your head,
It's screeching.
It's screeching loud.
It's screeching,

"Who are you now?"
592 · Feb 2015
Swift
Sam Haidan Feb 2015
He watches as the sky
Is stripped of it’s light,
And the moon laughs,
Cunningly;
At it’s devious agenda.

His soul meanders,
Though his mind,
Rigid.
He flips a coin.
Fate will soon follow.

‘Fables’,
He thinks.
Fables and fabrications.
’Tis what lead him here,
To this night.
To his doom.

No more time to waste,
He has hours, only few.
The end inches nearer.
Out comes his sword.

Determined and swift,
The blade cuts deep,
And out pour all his sins,
Profusely;
Killing him;
Slowly.
584 · Apr 2015
Dark Light
Sam Haidan Apr 2015
Daggers. Guns.
Fire illuminating,
The once peaceful streets.
One or all will fall tonight.
One or all will fail tonight.

Helpless screams,
Awakening those asleep.
The once quiet streets.
One or all will cry tonight.
One or all will die tonight.

Chaos creeps,
Whispering to those naïve.
The once fragile streets.
One or all will fear tonight.
One or all, say a prayer tonight.

For unleashed are the devils,
Hidden amidst the darkness.
Unleashed are the angels,
Killing behind their shadows.

Unleashed are the devils,
Hidden amidst the darkness.
Unleashed are the innocent,
Killing everything that shown.
This one's about war, and how the innocent and brave are made to **** under the notion of patriotism, while the people incharge stay behind closed doors.
567 · Dec 2014
Elixir
Sam Haidan Dec 2014
In the brink of the night, when all else was silent, her voice echoed like a beautiful disaster. He was like the moonlight underneath which that she sang — mercilessly beautiful, withholding the slightest touch or even listless acquiesce. All she knew was to sing, and he was the words to her song. He was more than her love. He was her muse — The deepest, darkest, most naked corner of her soul. And that’s where she kept him, safe from the chaos. Safe from sensibility. Safe… From herself. Her voice, tainted with his absence traveled far and wide, longing to be heard. But it never was. At least, not by him. For he had long forsaken their dalliance, while she clung on to him for dear life. Without him, she was empty. She'd rather feel his pain than nothing at all. Without him, she simply ceased to exist. Who was once her elixir was now her poison, her punishment, her plague. His essence spread rampant through every cell in her body almost as if to extract some sick vengeance of which she was most undeserving. For she only knew love. When it came to him, she knew nothing, but love. And so she stayed, in this state of surrender, and embraced his affliction as it were a part of her.
523 · Jan 2015
Dance of pain.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
My love,
Why must you sound so sweet?
Your words, like a rhapsody,
To my hearts every beat.

My love,
Why do you captivate me so?
Your crimes, unspeakable.
Yet your heart, so pure.

My love,
How could you be so strong?
Though your life, you are losing.
Though your strength, almost gone.

My love,
Why must you cry to me so?
I tried to rid you of your pain,
But it had no place to go.

So I made a deal with the devil,
If he took away your woes.
I made a deal with the devil,
An exchange, is what he chose.
I made a deal with the devil,
Then we danced in the rain.
A deal with the devil,
As we danced our dance of pain.

I made a deal with the devil,
Then he took away my soul.
A deal with the devil,
In exchange for your vigor.
I made a deal with the devil,
As I faded into night.
Good bye My love,
For now you shall stay alive.
520 · Mar 2015
Another night (extended)
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
Another night,
Another array of dismembered emotion.
I zig zag across the room to your bed,
And join you as we lie,
Naked in our flaws together;
Perhaps, a peculiar vision,
Confusing, yet compelling.
Look at my eyes,
Look into your eyes,
I smile and then you smile,
Nothing else exists.
And eventually the eyes begin to close...
Infiltrate my dreams, won’t you?
Rescue me as I drift away.

Another day,
Another array of dismembered emotion.
I zig zag across your room to the door,
And leave you lying naked in your flaws.
Perhaps, a peculiar vision,
Confusing, yet captivating.
I smile and wave good bye,
The world begins to resurface,
And eventually, I'm lost inside the haze.
Infiltrate my soul, won't you?
Rescue me before I fade away.

Another night
Another array of dismembered emotion.
I zig zag within my head because you are not around.
You leave me lying naked in my flaws;
Perhaps, a peculiar vision,
Confusing, yet convincing.
I force a smile,
As your image in my head begins to tear at the edges.
Infiltrate my mind, won't you?
Rescue me before I stray away.
517 · Jan 2016
Beautiful things.
Sam Haidan Jan 2016
I am a destroyer of beautiful things. I don't do it deliberately. I'm just easily lured by destruction and the subject has to be worthy.

You were a particularly tricky choice.

You gave me love, you gave me light, you fed me with your hands and held me in your arms and you kissed my forehead from time to time, and in return, I did not destroy you.

You took me out, you lured me in, you showed me fragments of light I had never before been able to see and in return, I did not destroy you.

You put me on a pedestal, I stood on your shoulders and you didn't budge, you didn't flinch and in return, I did not destroy you.

But then I got dizzy from the height, my legs quivered and breath shivered and before we knew it we were crashing down so hard and so fast, we drilled the ground so deep, we couldn't see the surface anymore.

But I'd been there before.

So I got up, I found my way. I peered at you through the cracks and you looked back at me, desperately. A familiar smile took my face.
You found your way back after a long time and were never the same.

I will remember you as the one I almost spared.

But I am a destroyer of beautiful things, I don't do it deliberately. I'm just easily lured by destruction and you... You were irresistible.
448 · Jan 2015
Thinking out loud.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
Alone again, surrounded by the echo of voices I don’t recognize. I can swear one of them is mine but I can’t be sure. Muffled, helpless, lonely, me? No… Not likely. Maybe.

Or maybe I’m thinking too loud. I can’t seem to tell sometimes. Even the fine line between what’s real and what isn’t seems to have vanished. Disappeared, and no one even noticed. Not even me. Pity.

Sometimes when the voices get too loud, I close my eyes and dream of peace. What would that feel like? Inner peace. Calms me down. And then the voices return, louder. Digression subdued. I never said it worked.

They usually fade away in the presence of others. Most others. It’s nice. But sometimes when they’re gone too long, I feel myself disappearing, so I call out to them. They’re even louder when I call out to them. And then they confine me (for a long time).

Sometimes I close my eyes and try to understand what they say. Sometimes I do. It starts with one, but just until I comprehend the second. And then the third. They’re all contradictory, you see. But that’s alright. More for me to explore.

If people thought I was strange, I’d be okay with that. We’re all strange in our own way. Although I do prefer the term eccentric. Do you still want to know me? I promise you, you should…
421 · May 2015
Untitled
Sam Haidan May 2015
every time i breathe you in...
                                         *... i breathe out poetry
418 · Jan 2016
Wolves
Sam Haidan Jan 2016
You tried to feed me to the wolves, you tried to end it all but little did you know that I wouldn’t go down without a fight. And now I wait. I wait silently in the shadows. You think I’m gone but I’m just feeding my flame and sooner or later you’re going to get burned. I will burn you and then burn your ashes and then burn those ashes over and over again until you disappear completely and believe me when I say that no one will remember your name.

You tried to feed me to the wolves but little did you know that I’d come out stronger. You’ve deprived me for so long and now I’m thirsty for blood and blood, I shall receive. Watch your back. It won’t save you but do it anyway so I can watch the last flicker of light leave your eyes. I was pure but you rid me of my innocence and for that you will suffer for I’m anything but innocent now. You asked for it.

You tried to feed me to the wolves but you should have known that I wouldn’t go down without a fight.
412 · Jan 2015
Cynosure.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
"I want to know your soul", he said.
"I want to know everything."

The moon peered out of the blanket of thick cotton clouds, illuminating the ocean and the shore on which they stood in each other's arms. He looked deep into her eyes and kissed her a kiss so magical, all the beauty that surrounded them was shamed.
"Tell me everything, I want to know everything.”

But how could she? How could he make such an incredible demand when he hadn’t a clue of what was going on inside of her? It was almost cruel. She languished in the shadow of his radiance, as black as it was brilliant. A part of her wanted to turn and run; feel him fade away into the darkness with every stride. But she just stood there, unsure of what to do while her heart dawdled in the stupor of his covetous gaze. It wasn’t long before he kissed her again. And again. And again. Each one more staggering than the other, until she realised that running wasn’t an option anymore. In that moment, she belonged to him. Her body, her mind and her soul. She looked dreamily into his eyes, and forced a smile as she turned away demurely. But she didn't run. She walked. And he walked silently behind her.
401 · Mar 2015
False alarm.
Sam Haidan Mar 2015
Another failed romance.
I've been through enough of them.
I'm good at this.
398 · Jan 2015
Attack.
Sam Haidan Jan 2015
So it's just me
Down here again.
I don't understand why
I keep coming back
But there's this ache in my stomach
Another attack
And I feel like I'm going crazy
With the pain and the strain
It's like this never ending chain
Of everything foul and everything wry
And I can't even cry.

I can't even ******* cry.

He's here today, tomorrow he's gone
I don't know where to find him
I can't even walk
I can't sit down
I can't stand up
My mind is racing but my body's stuck.
In this long term stupor
In this permanent daze
I'm losing sight of everything
Everything but his face
And I hate it. But I love it.
What the **** do I say
When he says nothing.

When he does nothing.

It’s like I’m awake
Even while I’m asleep
Because I’m always in pain
Even when I dream
And all I really want
Is to get some peace!

Just a little bit of peace.

But I just lie here helpless
A slave to his will
Liable to his wishes
The pray to his ****
Waiting to be taken
And willingly so
To his land far away
Where I slowly dissolve
Into storms of chaos
In an asylum of sadness.
I can’t escape the madness.

I can’t escape the madness.

I think as high of him
As I do myself low
And I don't understand
Even after blow after blow
Why I can't stop it.
I guess I don't want to
Because without him I'm nothing.

Without him, I’m nothing.
290 · Sep 2014
A walk in the dark.
Sam Haidan Sep 2014
Ever stop dead in your tracks while taking a walk in the dark,
For a rain that's suddenly begun to pour?
Ever stand there as it washes you of all your sins,
From your head to your toes,
While the water slips away into the darkest corners of the road.  
They're not yours anymore but they're there.
They'll always be somewhere.
They never go.
But still, you feel lighter,
As if they're not your burden to bear anymore.

— The End —