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  Nov 2014 Samantha
30 minute shower
20 minutes to do my hair,
Endless time at the mirror
To try and catch your stare.

You see me every morning
And you always say hello
I try to hide that nervousness
So my real feelings do not show.

You ask me simple questions
And i fumble to answer back,
Close my eyes , count to ten
Try to get on track.

My friends all think its crazy
How ive never clued you in
They say if i dont speak up
"How will anything begin? "

Im so much more content
Keeping this inside,
What if it went sour ?
I have too much pride.

So ill stand here every morning
And mutter " light and sweet "
And hope that in another life
You and i could meet .
  Nov 2014 Samantha
Laying in an ice cold room,
IV in my hand,
I close my eyes and plead with god
Trying to understand .

" im sorry we cant save it ,
But theres a chance that you could die;
I know your in a lot of pain
And Its ok to cry ".

I feel my husband squeeze my arm,
Im trembling in fright  ,
Im sad and im defeated
And I dont have that much fight .

" Your bleeding into your belly
We need to operate right now ,
Continue to be strong for us "...
.....But i just dont know how.

A foggy conversation ,
And their whisking me away ,
My eyelids get real heavy
And i just start to pray.

Waking up to quiet ,
Im tired and im sore ,
Depressed without a baby
On the maternity floor.

God must have a plan for me
That i just can not see ;
Even through our struggles
Whats meant to be ...
Will be .
This is a super personal poem, so please be kind with any feedback.

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