sit down on the wood chips and
cry
sob
weep.
my tears are matches that will set the ground aflame.
i can't stop thinking: i love him.
a wall is behind me.
i want to make the wall surround me
to form a room with no door, no escape.
trap me.
i don't care.
the place has so many memories.
lock me with the memories.
they'll be painful.
but that's what i want.
hopefully they stab me.
take me.
ruin me.
**** me.
help me.

pain broke me down into a million pieces.
it's amazing how pain is still one piece.
i thought we'd look good together.
like something that'd look good on a college application.
but you hurt me, broke me,
and my heart is bleeding
are you proud.
are you happy.
are you illustrious.
i hope you get everything you want.
because i know i won't.
the pain is worth it if it means giving up my own happiness to make you happy.
are you satisfied.

love is the most amazing thing in the world.
someone accompanies you.
someone cares about you.
someone is there for you.

but love can be a pain.
you don't see it coming
so it's a surprise.
it will change your life so much.
it's not normal.

and to conclude,
love isn't a normal pain.
we aren't used to it
so it uses us.

imagine loving someone.
now imagine risking everything just to even look at him
and you finally have the courage to tell him how you feel.

but then he doesn’t believe you.

that’s one of the worst pains ever,
telling someone that you love them but they don’t believe you.
why would someone lie about loving them.

love isn’t something to be messed with.
love is supposed to mess with you.

pain is what i feel
when i try to imagine a future with him
but knowing there might not be a future for him
and knowing that he can’t be mine.
pain is the outcome
of loving the boy
who doesn’t love me back.
pain is the only thing
that makes me sad
but happy at the same time.

that’s because pain
is the only thing that tells you that you’re alive

he was running.
running away from the pain.
running away from his fears.
running away from the thoughts.
running away from his feelings.
or just running away from me.

—you know you can do it