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eyes flutter open, the room is darkened reflecting the absence of light outside.
the realization of who I've become dawns on me.
I am ashamed.
afraid.
but I close my eyes again, "i love You, Lord."
I say the words in my heart hoping You know it's true even though You haven't been seeing it.
and when I open my eyes again, light begins to shine.
the sun rising in the sky and in my heart.
and yet, there is still hope.
despite how far I've gone and how long I've stayed in the darkness.
there is still hope for redemption in a sinner like me.
what does it matter,
if i could give you all your desires,
but your heart would forever be longing
for something more?
if i gave you the whole world,
you still wouldn't be content,
you'd still have that gaping hole in your chest
waiting for someone to fill it for you.
"For what does it profit a man
to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?
For what can a man give in return for his soul?"
Mark 8:36,37 ESV
i was once drained of life.
dying.
face sunken and dried,
veins narrow, trying to take in as much blood as it could
and
a heart without enough life to live.
dead.
that's what you call someone with no heartbeat, an inactive brain and
an oxygen deprived, rotting pair of lungs.
that was me.
dead.
and then, suddenly,
Jesus Christ.
redemption blood coursed through my veins,
igniting a heartbeat.
compressions and then breath to my lungs and my brain.
"breathe," He said.
salvation runs red within my body,
giving life where there was death and decay.
i can breathe.
finally, i can breathe.
look, look at my Saviour!
with a bloodied and bruised face,
swollen eyes.
look at His hands and His feet, pierced.
look at the crown of thorns,
the blood runs like tears down His face.
look, He comes riding on a donkey and a colt.
pierced on His side, where my salvation runs free.
who is closing your eyes for you?
who is hiding the Truth?
who has stitched your mouth together that you do not praise and exalt the most high God of all?
why have we covered our ears like children, running away from discipline?
who is responsible for the waste our lives have become?
don't you know that you have a purpose that far exceeds just rust and decay?
come and hear the message that has been preached from everlasting.
come and hear this eternal gospel truth.
there is a storm brewing.
it is violent, i can feel it,
but God how do i stop it?
how do i trust the Prince of Peace when my life has been so rebellious?
how do i walk out into the storm when my legs can only take me as far as the edge of the boat.
You wait there, patiently for me,
while i tremble and i collapse under the weight of the storm.
where do i go?
how do i come to You again?
it's easy to be distracted by the storm around me, but harder to set my sights on You.
i dont have the ability to be calm anymore.
but You are the One who sees,
our Banner of hope and victory.
You are the overwhelming voice of comfort in my misery and pain, when i am caught up in the restless storms around me, you sing over me, like a Father who loves His child.
Your arms wrap around us like a blanket even when the storms surround us and the sky turns dark.
yes, somehow, even when the sky turns dark,
God, i can still see You.
if these walls could talk,
they'd start praising You, oh LORD,
for all that its seen You do.
today is the day of salvation.
i have something to tell you,
something that's been on my heart for so long and i desperately need you to hear it.
God is telling you to come back.
come back home.
you spend so much time fighting against Him, that you miss out on the fact that He's been fighting for you.
of course there are struggles and pains in this world, but Jesus said, "take heart, for I have overcome the world."
so take heart, and come back home, because you will restlessly search for your belonging, that is found only in Him.
'I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”'
John 16:33
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