My
first
love was
too much for
me to hold in my
hands so I used my empty heart

At the ripe age of three
I would take full sheets of paper
and set them gently in front of me
and think of how beautiful they were.
Because they were waiting for my words.
But it wasn't until I was in the eleventh
grade that I found them
hiding with my heartbeat.
I never really fought with my fists
but I fought with a little too much heart.
Felt a bit too much
but I don't regret it.
Nor will I ever.
Do you know how to make things beautiful?
The cellist sitting on the street corner
bowing those strings that haven't yet
broken and remember,
that you never paid attention to how it looked.
But it was gorgeous.
And you're gorgeous.
We never measure life
with how many
heart beats we've got
we measure it by how many
miles we've walked.
And although we're not perfect,
neither is God.
We are strong.
We are beautiful.
And I wonder which is more dangerous;
a bottle of whiskey
or a loaded gun.
But it doesn't matter
because somewhere out there
there's someone promising
that they will paint their lover's
portrait in the sky with fire.
And all my life I've hated being a man,
so I decided that these poems
they're my children.
And after you hear them,
I hope that you'll carry them with you.
So don't walk through your life
with your ears covered.
This is for the women who make our heartbeats.
Who give birth to lives.
And this,
this is for the men.
Who sacrifice everything they have
just so they can keep telling
someone that they love them.
I can count ten thousand reasons
to be alive.
But only one reason to be right here.
Beauty kiss my lips.
Mercy show us tears.
We have to fill the gaps with something alive.
So I spend my spare time remembering
your eyes by heart.
Let's split this night open.
We'll cleave it with our words.
We'll sew together our gaping wounds
with the strings of kites,
so that when the wind blows
birds will pluck at them and make
music from our strife.
Remember this.
We couldn't have asked for a more
exciting time to be alive.
So let's make something beautiful.
Lay me down under a blanket of stars
so that when I wake up I can
find my way home.
This world can be cold but
I've learned that heartbeats are louder than gunshots.
And you don't need to tell me there's more out there
Instead I'll go stargazing in your
eyes and strip these
ribbons from my arms.
Build me.
Give me something worthwhile.
And let's learn
how to make things pretty.

I walked with the lion
through smoke filled hostels
rolled up my sleeves
and left my shoes on
as she shook me to my knees
oh Julia,
I've been waiting for a girl like you
to light up the hallways of my addictions
to believe me when no one else believes
and you shocked me
right up my skinny veins
stapled conversations
to the inside of my scattered brain
left me stuttering rhymes
about sleepless nights spent waiting for
her
one white horse
without a saviour
find me, find me
shivering and painted with the teeth marks
of a predator  
whose name I scream
as I am sat alone in my car
in the empty parking lots of London
and if it is this time
that my engine won't start
oh, Julia
find me
and let me show you the calculations of my heart

Its that time of night
when all I do is try to write
but all that comes out is
words and not WORDS

Everything is funnier
in this funny time of night
and yet nothing has made you
want to cry so hard in your life

Isn't everyone lonely
in this lonely time of night
but a thousand other people
are lonely tonight

Lets all be lonely together

It's getting to that time of night
when the numbness becomes
unbearably
light

I'm afraid I'm starting to feel again
and believe me
I've never wanted to understand
why all our lives end

It's finally that time of night
when blood looks blue and not red

I am unclothed
Struck about the head
A match meant to be burnt
For you