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Kristen M Apr 2021
The night falls near and so do my fears,
They terrify me in the night and stay till the morning light,
They keep me up and wondering who I am,
They keep me thinking who gives a ****,
The nightmares cut like a blade across my skin,
They push and pull me till my wit's end,
They slash at me with every move I make,
They do it till I'm about to break,
They go away till the next night,
Then they repeat till break of morning light,
They claw at me with all their might,
I may just be losing the fight,
Not understanding why me,
not knowing if I will be free, Free from all that pains me,
Free from all that takes me,
I fear it might so I continue to fight
but for how long can I hold up, I feel like I'm slipping again
That I'm losing all my fight, That I may just not be alright
I hide being a fake face and say I'm ok
But everything is starting to weigh
It's starting to weigh on me like a brick so heavy I can't lift it
I don't understand how to ask for help so
I just write this as a quick task.
Kristen M Apr 2021
The Weight of this fear is crushing
Everything in my mind is rushing
It goes fast,stops and goes in slow-motion
Not knowing what is right or what is wrong
Not knowing if I can stay as strong
{Not knowing if I can continue or if I should just give in}
Not knowing if should speak or stay silent
Not knowing if I am able to be nice or be violent  
Not knowing if I'm able to smile and be happy
Not knowing if I am able to keep a fake face
Not knowing if your able to keep your head out of space
Not knowing if this fear will take you or let you be
Not knowing if this thing will break you or take you
Everything is backwards nothing is straight
Not knowing if the path is wide or narrow
Not knowing if today is the day
The day we all fear, The end is near
so what will you chose?
Kristen M Feb 2021
Her smile once so big and bright,
        Has now turned dark and without light,
Her eyes once had a sparkle,
         Now they are just empty and void,
Her heart once filled with joy and compassion,
         Has now turned dark and cold like the bottom of the ocean,
Her love once so strong,
         Has now turned into who can I trust,
Her being so brave,
         Has now turned into fear that keeps her slave,
Her happiness was so overpowering,
         But the fear is now towering,
Stopping her from doing anything,
          Always second-guessing,
Her friends once there,
        Are now gone like thin air,
She struggled and called out,
But no one understood her way of needing help,
She lost her way and lost everything,
She is alone and without hope,
She wishes people would understand,
She wishes people weren't so cold,
She just wants to be understood and welcomed,
But that will never be.
If there is anything you see that would make this better let me know. I am still learning how to do poetry like this.
Kristen M Nov 2020
I'm sorry when the pain gets too much I shut down
I'm sorry that my smile has turned to a frown,
I'm sorry the person you would turn to for help is now helpless
I'm sorry that all of this is leaving me breathless,
I'm sorry when everything gets too much I don't know what to do
I'm just hoping that I will push through,
It gets hard at times to keep going
When all my flaws keep showing,
I'm sorry that I can't be enough for any of you
I'm sorry I can't be as strong as you need me to,
I'm sorry to drag you into my mess of a mind
I just need help getting out of this bind,
I struggle and I try to get out
But all I can do is scream and shout,
I yell at the top of my lungs but no one can hear me
I might as well go float in the dead sea,
I'm sorry that I drug you into all of this
But I'm stuck in an abyss
Kristen M Nov 2020
In the middle of the night, I scream and cry
Contemplating on my last goodbye,
Thinking where will I go where will I abide
My mind is a warzone I'm broken on the inside,
Not knowing what will happen scares me
I just want to be at a place where I am carefree,
But that will never happen with the way I am
I just wish I could be a hologram,
Now you have seen the mess of me,
Now its my time to be free
Kristen M Nov 2020
Would anyone care if I just gave up
Would anyone care if I drank out of my death cup,
Would anyone care if I just stopped it all
Would anyone care if I jumped off a stone wall,
Would anyone care if that blade ends everything
The weight of the world gets to much its like I'm a puppet on a string,
Being pulled every which way not knowing which way I'm facing
My soul is giving up and my heart is racing,
Not knowing who is there or who will be
Just might be the thing that saves me or ends me
Kristen M Nov 2020
Alone I stand here under a birch tree,
Wanting to be set free,
Yelling all the words that are all unheard,
  Needing to get them unblurred,
If you could only know how bad they tear me apart,
Them words they are just stuck on my heart,
It tears me from the inside out
when I begin to start to shout,
but in the end, they will always stay unsaid.
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