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 May 2020 Katherine
Ava Bean
I still remember your hands
I remember how warm they were
Your long flat fingers
The scars that dotted your tan skin
From all the days spent working in the rain
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your eyes
A burning brown
Eyes that glossed over with rainbow oil spills
In the sunlight that reflected off your whole being
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your hair
I remember twisting my fingers through it
Thick and dark
Silky straight
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your lips
I remember them pressing against my back
Soft and full
Dark and smooth
You hated them
But I loved them.

I remember your voice
I remember many nights where it cooed me to sleep
Deep and comforting
The most familiar thing I knew
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your body
I remember being held and feeling safer than I ever had before
Tall and sturdy
Like a tree
You hated it
But I loved it.

I remember your words
"I don't love you anymore"
You hated having to spit them off your tongue
And I hated having to force them through my ears.
You hated me
And I still loved you.
I will never not love you
 May 2020 Katherine
efni
i'm trying.
 May 2020 Katherine
efni
i'm failing
i'm crying
i'm falling

but

i'm trying
i swear.

03.05.20
it's so hard.
 May 2020 Katherine
efni
so you think
i look pretty
when i cry

the acidic tears
really bring out
my long eyelashes

the sniffling and choking
paint a soft rosy tint
on my nose tip

but i noticed
you ignored my red eyes
until they faded away

03.05.20
when youre in a dark enough place, therapy sometimes feels like mockery. it feels like this.

— The End —