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Sad Girl Feb 18
ʙᴏᴅʏ ᴏꜰ ᴇxᴄᴇʟʟᴇɴᴄᴇ.
ᴅɪᴠɪɴᴇʟʏ ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜᴇᴅ & ɢᴜɪᴅᴇᴅ ʜᴀɴᴅꜱ.
ʟɪᴘꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴜᴛᴛᴇʀ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜꜱ ᴅɪꜱɢᴜɪꜱᴇᴅ
ʙʏ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇꜱ, ᴍɪꜱᴛᴀᴋᴇɴ ꜰᴏʀ ꜰᴀʙʀɪᴄᴀᴛɪᴏɴ.
ʙᴇᴀᴜᴛʏ ɪꜱ ᴅᴇꜰɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴏʀ-
ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴘᴇᴄᴛᴀᴛᴏʀ.
ᴏɴʟᴏᴏᴋᴇʀꜱ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇ ꜱᴛᴏʀɪᴇꜱ
ɪɴꜱᴛᴇᴀᴅ ᴏꜰ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ɪɴ ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʟɪɴᴇꜱ
ᴏꜰ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ.
ᴀᴍᴏɴɢꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴꜰᴜꜱɪᴏɴ & ɪʟʟᴜꜱɪᴏɴ,
ꜱʜᴇ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ.
ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴀɴ ᴜɴᴛʀᴀɪɴᴇᴅ ᴇʏᴇ.
ᴀ ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴇ ᴅᴇꜱᴇᴄʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴜɴᴋɪɴᴅ ʀᴜᴍᴏʀ.
ᴘᴜʀɪᴛʏ & ᴅɪᴠɪɴɪᴛʏ ɢʀᴀɴᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ɢᴏᴅ,
ᴅᴇꜰɪɴᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴏᴜʟ, ɴᴏᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴜʀꜰᴀᴄᴇ.
ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇᴇ ᴄʟᴇᴀʀʟʏ ʙᴇʏᴏɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴠᴀɪʟ?
ɴᴏ. ʏᴏᴜ’ᴠᴇ ᴀʟʀᴇᴀᴅʏ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ᴜᴘ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ
ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ɪꜱ ᴛᴀɪɴᴛᴇᴅ,
ꜰᴀʟꜱᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴘʜᴇᴄɪᴇꜱ ᴡʀɪᴛᴛᴇɴ ʙʏ
ᴛʜᴇ ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴘʀᴏᴊᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʙʀᴀɪɴ
ʙʏ ᴀ ꜱᴛᴀɴᴅᴀʀᴅ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ ᴍᴀɴ.
ᴅᴇᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀꜱꜱᴇꜱ.
ᴡᴇ ᴡᴇʀᴇ ꜱᴇɴᴛ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ꜰʟᴇꜱʜ &
ᴄʟᴏᴀᴋᴇᴅ ᴡɪᴛʜ ꜱʜᴀᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜʀɴ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏꜰɪᴛ.
ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴇᴇ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀʟᴡᴀʏꜱ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ɢᴇᴛ.
ᴀ ᴘᴇʀᴄᴇᴘᴛɪᴏɴ ᴛᴀɴɢʟᴇᴅ ɪɴᴛᴏ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ &
ᴅɪꜱᴛʀɪʙᴜᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪᴍ ᴀ ʟɪɢʜᴛ. ᴏᴜʀ ʟᴏꜱꜱ.
ᴛʜᴇ ᴋɴᴏᴡʟᴇᴅɢᴇ ɪꜱ ᴇᴀɢᴇʀ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜ,
ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ’ᴅ ᴏɴʟʏ ꜱᴇᴇᴋ ɪᴛ.
ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴜᴛʜ ɪꜱ ʜᴇʀᴇ ᴊᴜꜱᴛ ᴡᴀɪᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ᴜɴᴇᴀʀᴛʜᴇᴅ,
ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴅɪɢ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ɪᴍᴍᴇɴꜱᴇ
ᴘʀᴇꜱꜱᴜʀᴇ ᴏꜰ ʙᴏᴜʟᴅᴇʀ ᴜᴘᴏɴ ʙᴀᴄᴋ?
ʜᴇᴀᴠʏ ꜱᴛʀɪᴅᴇꜱ ᴡᴇ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ.
ᴊᴜᴅɢᴇᴍᴇɴᴛ ᴄᴏᴍᴇꜱ ᴇᴀꜱɪᴇʀ.
ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴀ ʟᴇᴀʀɴᴇᴅ ʙᴇʜᴀᴠɪᴏʀ.
ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀᴋᴇ ᴜᴘ.
ɪᴛ’ꜱ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀ.
ʜᴇᴀʟ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴏᴏᴛꜱ.
ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴅʏ ɪꜱ ᴀ ʜᴏᴍᴇ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀ ꜱᴏᴜʟ.
ᴛᴏ ᴛʀᴜʟʏ ʙᴇ ɴᴀᴋᴇᴅ, ɪꜱ ᴛᴏ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴄᴀʀꜱ
ʙᴇɴᴇᴀᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ꜱᴋɪɴ, ʟᴀʏᴇʀꜱ ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ &
ᴅᴇᴇᴘᴇʀ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴇ ᴇᴘɪᴅᴇʀᴍɪꜱ.
ʙᴜᴛ ᴡʜᴏ ᴡɪʟʟ ʟᴏᴏᴋ ɪɴ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴜꜱᴛᴇᴅ ᴄᴏʀɴᴇʀꜱ
ᴡʜᴇɴ ᴡᴇ ᴀʀᴇ ꜱᴇɴᴛ ᴇxᴛᴇʀɴᴀʟ ᴅɪꜱᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴꜱ?
ᴏɴᴇ ᴄᴀɴ ᴏɴʟʏ ᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ.
ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪꜱ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴘʀɪꜱᴏɴ, ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ
“ɪ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴡʜʏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴀɢᴇᴅ ʙɪʀᴅ ꜱɪɴɢꜱ”
~ ©ʜᴇɴᴅɪ
Nov 2023 · 300
Wombmanhood
Sad Girl Nov 2023

Fear not your ******* young girl,
for it is the very evidence you seek
that you are the universe experiencing itself.

As I lay and bathe in a pool of my own DNA,
I watch the passers by.
A shark, a jellyfish, a fetus, a worm.
Tiny strands down the drain.

The fabric of my insides.
The ick to every man fearing the capability, the strength, the love and dexterity of a woman.
A strength so ancient and full of purpose.
So strong.
Constantly producing and relieving my **** of unfertilized greatness.
Discarded materials of my own internal struggle to find a love worth carrying my star-seeds to fruition.

A wonder it is.
A magic of this realm.
A sorcery so powerful that it has brought me to my knees writhing in pain.
The pain of creation,
The suffering of the body crying out
to bring forth life.
How gracious is this pain to teach us,
We are made of stardust and beautiful consciousness.

A woman thought to herself,
“What better can this world be?”
The answer, more.
It can be more.
There can be more.
More to love.
More growth.
Seeds to be planted
and watered and nurtured.
A harvest of joy and a family so plentiful.
More hands to hold.
More hands to create.
More hands to produce more love.
More hands to continue
this beautiful cycle.

And so she waits.
And every month, again,
she bore the pain of a thousand swords.
She healed.
She began again.
She kept growing the seeds
every season, awaiting
the crops to fertilize.
Afflicted with ruin,
she fell to her knees.

The beauty of this suffering,
Begging the universe, More.

To create and to love is all that she knows.
Fear not your *******, young girl,
You are building the universe,
You are experiencing what it means to be.
And so it is.
And so we are.
© KD
Sad Girl Nov 2023
We follow our vision
And we don’t need no permission
The gifts that we are given
Are what sent us the soul mission

I’ve reawakened now
Cannot be forsaken now
While my heart is breakin
I’ll gain power through creation
I’ll be a great sensation
This healing that I’m spittin
Will revitalize the nation

You feel that?
It’s all reverberatin
You’ll see the revelation
When you reach recalibration

If ya hearin what I’m sayin
It’s the reconciliation
Of the positive vibration
Through mental emancipation

You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry

Never seen a guru
That could send vibration through you
Watch you while you do you
I’m watching how you move true
Ain’t doin no voodoo
It’s really pure and true
Who

do you see when you look
Into the mirror
As your vision gets clearer
We are divine reflections
Nobody is in fear here

We are superior
To the wicked theories here
Meek men are the weary there
Cannot be hysteria

It’s so mysterious
How they are in fear of us
But let us feel like we are the ones
Who are inferior

I’m livin grateful
Because I am the faithful
I’ve been so graceful
You can see my face full

Of smiles
We do it all the while
Even as they broke me down
Since I was a child

We’ve traveled miles
To reach the promise land
Yes we teachin and we preachin
As we reach out all our hands
To our brothers, yes, our fellow man
I hope you overstand
Why we reject their commands
Make our own demands
To move only with God’s plan

We keep it moovin
We never loose the groove and
We tie up all our loose ends
Countin all these dividends

You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry

I’m letting go now
Following the flow now
Never seem to let up
Not likely to slow down

You’ll never see us frown
Smiling while we’re feelin down
Even in the tears we drown
We take our power back

Use that **** to cleanse
Because tears are so sacred
Because we are the huemans
No need to pretend and
Every time they send them
Rewriting rewiring
Send it to the fire and I’ll
Then we start to rise again

Like a phoenix
Straight up out the ashes
And if they don’t like it
They can kiss our heady *****
While we count the assets
No need to go flashing
Abundance we receiving
Looks can be deceiving

We are the healing
Faces and hearts we stealin
And when we reel ‘em in
They’ll see who they’re dealin with

It is within
Absolution from sin
Send it all to the sun
Because we know that we are one
And when all is said and done
Know the healings just begun

You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry

You feel the synergy
It’s all positive energy
If you have been a friend to me
You’re ****** with the ministry

We follow our vision
And we don’t need no permission
The gifts that we are given
Are what sent us the soul mission
This song is copyright protected
Jun 2023 · 663
Forever
Sad Girl Jun 2023
Forevers not a promise,
It’s a fact.

Although, my heart is hurting.
And yes, it may be cracked.

Every second that I’m near you,
I’m on the mend.

Distance is illusion,
And so I play pretend.

Before we arrived here,
We made a pact.

A lifelong journey,
A soul contract.

A story so grand,
Through time and space on land.

How could you have forgotten?
We came here to expand.

The healing of this nation,
Relies on you and I.

I plan to act this out,
Before our bodies die.

I’ve chosen this path and
you along with it.

I wish you’d stick it out,
And fight to the finish.

I’m ever so patient,
I know you’re not ready.

I’m giving you space
And I’m keeping things steady.

I’m not the enemy,
But still you attack.

It isn’t my fault,
I possess what you lack.

The whole point is to balance
What’s alike and what’s different.

You seek accountability,
When we’re meant to produce it.

I know that you’re not ready
For this or for me,

But we are right in the thick of this
And I’m feeling lost at sea.

You’ve done this to me many times,
I know you can’t remember.

I just have to re-walk this path.
(We’ll touch base in December.)

With everything I practice and everything you preach, I thought that you could figure out, what they sent me here to teach.

I tried to exit this journey,
But every time I do…

The universe keeps pushing me
Right back into you

I’m growing quite weary
So I’m letting God steer me

I wanted to communicate,
But fail to do so clearly

I’m stuck at an impasse
Because I am an empath

I know I should be more assertive,
Nice guys always finish last

But with you there’s a soft spot
It’ll be there forever

I’m hoping that you’ll notice soon
Better late than never

You string me along
I put it in a song

I keep on fighting tooth and nail
I always seem so strong

My strength irritates many
Who know not what I’ve been through

But they pass their judgment
as they see what I give into

It’s been this way forever
It’ll be forever more

But nobody sees me
When I’m crying on the floor

I never let them see this side
Because it is unpleasant

I work so hard to heal myself
And remain in the present

I speak on what I’m thinking
Without revealing much

I write what I can’t speak about
My journal is my crutch

I keep the darkest parts in there
So no one senses my despair

The pain is there forever though
And so you reap, so shall you sew

Forevers not a promise
It is a fact.

You’ve shaken up the universe,
Brace for impact.
Sad Girl May 2023
I ask the universe for tender love and care.
The universe brings me blessing after blessing. Opportunity after opportunity. Why am I not satisfied? I realize that what I wish for, is you. Your love. Not just any love. The feeling that you give me in my stomach that says, “how can I resist this?” When you’re around me, my neck hairs stand at attention and my petals begin to quiver. I long for and crave you.

Some people try to tell me that I get too easily attached… I do act this way, but I often wilt when someone kicks me around too much. Eventually I wither away to return a new sprout and bloom, yet again. The problem is that I’ve never REALLY been attracted to anyone the way that I feel pulled towards you. Like other plants among the garden bed, I begin to lean towards you, like the sun.

I have said that I was “in love” before and I have said that “I love” somebody, but I’ve never felt it like this. The sentiment was there, but no electrical spark. I told myself that those were silly, little fairytales - tall tails- even. I think I’ve lied to myself many times over that I’ve had this feeling before and that it will come again. This is all just wishful thinking.

A divine gentlemen comes along and treats me like gold while you fiddle with your fingers and try to avoid eye contact. You overthink and then say nothing. You leave me high and dry, or sober and sobbing. It’s never anything good. You chose to fertilize my garden with invasive weeds and you water the flowers with Coca-Cola. I don’t know why you take action towards my garden in such a filthy manor. You damage me, yet every day I wait for you to stop by and leave a little remnant of something; anything. It’s not fair that one can offer me water and sunshine while I wait for your poison.

And So, I guess that I should not be angry because it is something that needs to be pruned. It is an attachment and an unhealthy one, at that. The lesson that God and mother Gaia are trying to teach me is a hard one to learn.  “You deserve more than you pray for. Why are you praying for this thing? What is different about this thing? You must stop praying for the potential that someone has to reveal itself. I have put blessings on your path that will offer you what it is you deserve, but you must let go of what does not serve you.”  

I am learning how to trim the weeds and maintain my own garden. I’m learning to keep the pests out. I am learning to grow thorns and protect myself, but still remain delicate and beautiful. I’m learning that I may not always blossom on the days when I think that I will and sometimes; when the seasons are harsh and cold, I must remain dormant.  

I am learning how to survive you pouring the wrong things into my garden. I’m learning to extend towards the sun as I grow and not a UV lamp that mimics the sun. I’m learning to stop getting myself tangled in dark corners of the flowerbed. It’s a hard lesson, but I’m learning it. Another day, another lesson from the garden.
Sad Girl Apr 2023
She wanted to be loved, to be seen and heard.
She cried for help and was met with distaste.
She learned to stop asking for help.
She learned to rely only on herself.
She carried herself for many many years.
She waited patiently for something
to come along to lighten the load.
While she was carrying the weight of these things,
it began to rain.
The burdens became soaked,
which made them heavier.
She kept dragging on with a smile,
she knew that she couldn’t ask for help.
She knew that if she didn’t smile,
nobody would want her around.
So she suffered in silence.
Year after year, she put on a mask
as it became more and more difficult to hide
the strain in her face as her legs got weaker.
She was becoming exhausted and
couldn’t find any other path
to go down or a place to rest.
She just had to keep going.
She walked for 28 years
before she could no longer
handle the blisters on her feet.
She took her shoes off.
She left them somewhere
in case anybody else had to
walk this treacherous walk.
She walked into what seemed to be a dark tunnel.
She kept walking and waiting
for the light at the end, but it never came.
She walked right into her own demise.
A trap. Tunnels don’t always have
the promise of light at the end.
She never saw it coming.
28 years she walked only to find herself at a ledge.
She was tired. She stepped down.
She walked right into the void
and fell down a never ending hole.
She let go. She surrendered.
She waited for the thud,
but nothing came.
She just kept falling with all of her burdens in tow.
Everyone wondered where she went.
Where she ended up.
They never saw her again.
They found her shoes before the tunnel,
but nobody dare walk in them.
Nobody followed her path.
Nobody felt brave enough to enter the tunnel.
Nobody heard her story.
Nobody knew what she went through.
People would visit the spot where
her shoes remained and stare at them,
Puzzled.
Never understanding how she got so lost,
why she made such poor choices.
Nobody knew that the burdens
she was carrying all along
were whispering lies to her.
Bags full of snakes.
Bags full of painful memories
and harmful judgements.
Bags full of reminders of
everything lost along the way.
Bags full of taunts and torment.
Bags full of daggers she had to pull from her own back.
She was wounded.
Nobody saw because she wore a mask and a coat.
She bound herself to stop the bleeding,
so as not to alarm the masses.
Nobody ever asked.
They just envied her for her strength
and for having all of the things
that they assumed were trophies.
They  jus thought she was carrying
her winnings around to show off.
Nobody ever understood what was happening,
they just envied her smile.
Nobody ever once asked,
are you okay?
Where are you going?
What are you carrying?
Nobody cared enough to ask.
Nobody stopped her from entering the tunnel.
She wanted them to, but they never did.
She walked through the valley
of the shadow of death
and the shadow consumed her.
Alone is how she came into this town
and alone is how she left.
Apr 2023 · 484
Unfinished project
Sad Girl Apr 2023
She refused to mold
To bend, to fold
Mended seem to seem
By the things that she had seen
Working hard to weave
The visions in her dreams
Into something beautiful,
Something pure and clean

Nothing could be taken
She refused to be forsaken
So she ran for the hills
To avoid all of the chills

She prayed to the skies
Asking Gods the “who’s” and “why’s”
Was this pure regression?
Self suppression?
Love?
Obsession?

These questions were quite pressing
But she sifted to find blessings
Somewhere in her pain,
She knew there’d be a lesson

She didn’t wish to lessen
The importance of her choices
But couldn’t sort her thoughts and feelings
From all of the voices

Clarity
She prayed
Each and every day
But still the dreams that haunted her
Sent her on her way ~
Sorry for the mediocrity
Feb 2023 · 2.6k
10:2
Sad Girl Feb 2023
It’s not about what I need from you or want from you.
I’m not asking you for anything.
It’s what I don’t want.
I don’t want you to spoil our connection
because you have trauma that you haven’t
dealt with and I know that you feel the same way.
I do have trauma and I do have pain,
But when I speak to you it is always from a place of
healed energy and it is always from a place of healing intention.

I respect and admire your solidarity and your independence,
That is what makes you so beautiful to me.
I know that you do not want me to speak to you from a place of healing because you want to do that work yourself. I innerstand.
I wish that I could help you to see me in a
better light and understand me so that we could fix this.
I cannot open your mind or shift your perspective
because you ask me not to deepen this connection.

You have ingrained into your head that I do not
respect your boundaries- all the while- missing the clear
sign that I do respect your boundaries when I leave
things out of a conversation with you.

We try to read in between the lines of each
other but we are not books. We are not meant to be read.
People often try to calculate or read situations and conversations,
but forget that we can speak with more than our mouths and our body language.
We are the universe acting out against itself
and working in favor of itself in tandem.

We are so much more than the words that
you have tried to reduce us to.
I wish that you could understand me better
so that I could take your pain away.
You want to feel through this and to be in the pain
because you crave the growth and that is another
thing that I love about you.
You are a ******* warrior so please don’t ever
think for a second that I don’t see you and respect you.

Adversely; while accepting no responsibility
over the pain that you’ve caused the both of us,
You shut down the opportunity for healing.
You want to know what it is that you have done so wrong,
But if I were to dissect a conversation and tell
you each part that tore open a healed wound…
I wouldn’t be respecting your boundaries.

You asked me not to deepen this connection
so I can’t explain what it is that you’ve done.
This prevents me from healing from what you have done.
You get to work on healing what it is that you
have done within yourself, but I will never forget
the feeling of my chest caving in on my break from work.

I won’t forget crying and opening up to a
complete stranger in the parking lot
because she saw me falling apart and I was all alone,
as this experience has cost me everything.
I won’t forget, the powerful feeling, somebody
that didn’t know anything about me -sitting down to ask me-
“what was troubling me?” In the most loving way.
Fully holding space for me where you couldn’t.
A very kind angel of a woman; who had other things to do
with her day, made time to save a sobbing, broken, child
from the middle of the street.

And yet you couldn’t stand to hear me
speak my truth for five minutes,
All while shaming me and wishing that I could stand in my power
and assuming me to be weak in some way.
You were preventing me from standing in my
power by trying to control the situation.
I have never once claimed to be a perfect person
or to be fully healed but I know that I am balanced
because I spend every day of my life balancing myself.
Every day has ups and downs, every week has ups and
downs, every month has ups and downs.

I deny NO FAULTS in this matter, but I am HYPER-aware
that you do not know what my faults are.
You have not opened yourself up to hearing me
acknowledge my issues. You have
created the ones that, you THINK I’m having
in your head based on your perception of self,
all whilst screaming “projection” from the rooftops
and pointing at others. Anxiety is consuming.

It’s hard to fathom that somebody could be giving you
information from a place that you’ve forgotten about.
I only wanted to warn you and I only wanted to protect you.
You only wanted for me to stop trying to protect you;
until you realized what it was I was trying to protect you from.
The only person who can protect you is yourself and
Source, yet Source placed me in your path.
If you had only tapped into your intuition and followed
the signs, you would have understood sooner.
There could have been less pain.

Hypocrisy.

You encourage me not to people please,
but ask me to bow in silence before you while
you relieve your own anxieties so that you can go about
your day while leaving a heavy weight on my chest.
You thought that you had conquered me in that moment.
In your mind, you had faced something you needed to face
and you were breaking through to the other side!
This was going to project you in the right direction!
This will remove the heaping weight from your chest!
This was going to bring your clarity.

Transference.

Instead, you felt me pull away; energetically and physically.
You realized that you couldn’t have your cake and eat it too.
But you were fasting anyways, funny how we’re both always fasting these days.
Or is that just anxiety and an upset stomach?
Is that just bad choices and poor communication?
You felt a weight over the next few days,
Because what goes up must come down.
You left that weight with me, but it always finds its way back.

Obedience.

You expressed your need to control things
and for people to bend to your will.
You clearly communicated what you wanted
and expected and were shocked when I tried to
tell you where I stood because this wasn’t about me,
it was supposed to be about you today!
I sensed that in asking what you did wrong
you were already preparing a response and not
open to actually listen, my intuition said “say less”.
Silence speaks volumes and communication
can be conveyed through just a look,
especially when I look into your eyes.
There is intense honesty and passion in all three of them.
The things that you can’t verbalize are written in your retina.
As your brain scribbles them out I can see them inside of those eyes.
I see you wholly and I know that somebody did that to you.
Someone taught you this.
Maybe a defense mechanism or maybe a learned behavior.

Boundaries.

Don’t talk about it.
Swallow that pill to avoid hurting me,
but don’t forget, “that’s people pleasing.”
“Respect you” and “please you” is a very thin line with you.
Sure as I am your mirror, you think the same is true about me.
I was working hard at my prosperity;
feeling a silly little sigh of relief,
that maybe I was crazy and the communication
and confrontation wouldn’t occur that day.
My dreams and intuition both told me that it would.
People in my physical reality said that it wouldn’t;
they had high hopes that it wouldn’t, out of selfishness.
Fearing what they would feel or how it would affect them,
they have been gaslighting me for months.
Who will ever respect my boundaries?
My needs?
My person.
Only me.
I can only trust myself.
Don’t they always say “It’s lonely at the top.”
It doesn’t have to be.

On the battlefield.

You saw me and came directly towards me,
while I had five minutes to myself to dance and feel free.
You stopped in on my day to put me back in your cage.
Mind you, I had fiddled that lock open two weeks prior and found my freedom.
You came back to make sure that the lock was secure.
I was fine one minute and my boss watched me
being happy and free and helpful. Then she watched
me being shackled by you and then she watched you
storm through like a wrecking ball, leaving me at
disadvantage to my own pockets and essentially hers.
And then I watched you all day, watching me.
You were pulling at my energy when I was
trying to pretend you didn’t exist.
You stunted my growth and my productivity
for the need to propel yourself forward.
I am not the enemy and I am not to be conquered.
We could have helped each other to move in the
same direction, but you NEEDED,
You demanded to be 10 steps ahead of others.
Congratulations commander.
The medal of honor you have
earned is associated with a casualty.

Greed.

I watched you watching me,
looking to see if I was watching too,
questioning what it all means and
if you made the right choices, said the right words.
You didn’t. There were no right words.
Until that point you did all of the talking and
so did I, but neither of us really heard anything
other than our own minds stirring.
We are so alike that it hurts.
To absolutely face yourself hurts.
You confuse me so much.
I read cards and people
effortlessly, but I like the mystery that is you and
I don’t like to pick it apart too much.
I know that the pages will turn on your time.
That’s the respect that I have for you, that you can’t see.

Victim mentality.

You talk about Victim mentality,
but you don’t acknowledge
that you keep acting like
I’m doing something to you….
Don’t you remember that you did this to me?
You started all of this. You triggered it.
You were thinking with organs other than your heart
And you expected me to follow suit, on your terms.
You treated me like a play thing because you didn’t
See what was right in front of us both.
Once you set this in motion there was no
way to turn the wheels back and I couldn’t help myself.
I wasn’t supposed to.
And because I didn’t help myself in that moment,
I helped us both in a greater sense.
Thank me instead and thank the universe for this
while you’re in Noché Oscura del alma.
Know that there is a purpose behind it,
even though you don’t understand that purpose, yet.

Baggage.

I know that things are happening for me and not to me,
but it is my deep diving into the pain and into my dark feelings
that allows me to be the creative person that you admire.
It is the darkness that I have endured
that helps my light shine so bright.
You cannot have half of me because
I do not give half of myself to anyone.
I am a whole package.
I come wrapped as such.
If you cannot accept this package, as is,
it does not come in parts.
You cannot find any other like this package,
it is one of a kind.
If you cannot accept my darkness and my
baggage then there is nothing more to say.

Every person who has ever come into my life
has had to accept both parts of me and the ones
that have are still by my side. I have 15 year friendships.
Nothing that is good or worth it is ever easy.
The things that we put time and effort into, they strengthen and they stay.
I would like to face adversity together, but for now you
want to do that alone so I respect you, and I release you.
But I’ll never let this go.

This will be something I remember for the rest
of my life, for the rest of my lovers,
for the rest of my friendships,
and for the rest of eternity.
Any pain that I have felt in this connection
will reverberate throughout my entire being
for the rest of my existence
until I find myself in this situation
in the next life again with you.
Every time we repeat the cycle,
it becomes harder and harder in the next life,
but the story becomes greater and greater each time,
until we get it right.

Surrender.

Our love story is so great.
The notebook pales in comparison.
Many will cry watching this love blossom
including the ones who doubted and
including the ones who believed.
It is going to shake us both to our core,
but at some point that’s going to start to feel good.  
If we allow it.

We just have to learn to let go of control.
The divine creator knows our true purpose
and we need to learn to surrender to that
because everything else up until the
moment that we do, is resistance.

You are resisting the change as the momentum
is picking up and you’re propelling yourself in the
wrong direction by trying to hold onto control with
something that does not want to be tamed.
I think about lecturing you; but instead,
I write it down, because it’s a lecture that
I need to read to myself. Sure as I am your mirror,
I am doing the same things wrong as you.

Just open your heart and learn how to truly love
people as they are asking to be loved
People deserve that, but if you can’t
love me the right way just let me go.
I cannot keep going on this winding road with you.
You energetically are still attached to me,
even though you tell me the opposite is true and it hurts us both.
I cannot live in shadows and I will always speak my truth.
I’m selective with who I share my energy
because I do not want everybody to know
how I move in this world, but I am always
honest with those that are around me.

I keep my hands at 10 and 2
But I’ll let you control the gas
pedal because we are driving at your pace,
I’m comfortable with this until you slam on the brakes
and we both realize, a moment too late,
that I’m not wearing a seatbelt.
My heart exposed and my person untethered,
I’ve been ejected.
Don’t bring the sunflowers to my funeral.
You have taken all of the sun out of this for me.
Nothing can grow here,
They will only wilt in a few days.
Useless.
What’s the use of this gift.
You can’t heal what’s already dead.

I’m scared that not right now,
means not in this life.
I don’t want to do that again.
Losing you is losing hope.
You are the reason that I come around.
You are also the reason that I stay away.
© KD 10/2/22
This is an excerpt from a book I’m writing about my life.
Feb 2023 · 588
Past life regression
Sad Girl Feb 2023
This is the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.
I am stuck in 5D and you want to play childish 3D games.
I have known you in many lives for eons and we were interrupted then
And it’s happening again, karmically. You push and push and push and it pulls me apart. The tides of change are a force to be reckoned with. I’m tired of fighting my way into this shipwreck with a life raft. I am drowning. I am not an option. I am not something to be conquered. There are no winners. Childish games won’t do anything, but cause delays. Meeting your soulmate and your twin flame in the same lifetime almost makes no sense to me. I don’t want options, I just want you. It’s always been you, it will always be you. No more chasing, no more running, come to me.
Place your third eye on top of mine so you can see what I see. We found each other.
Do you really want to do this again? I will find you in every plane if existence, but I will not let you put me through this pain again. You choose because I am tired. I am giving up. I always choose you. I would throw away everything I have and everything I know to be at home with you again. I knew the second we crossed paths that I recognized you, we grew up together. From childhood to marriage and with kids and a family of our own, in a house on the mountains. We have traveled many footsteps together. No more surface level ****. Put your heart against mine and you will feel it. Something tragic separated us in a past life and that energy is here again, trying to break soul contracts and suppress this. Don’t let it win. You sacrifice your own happiness for something practical, but I’m offering you the world and everything you could ever want. I have NEVER felt like this before. When I look into your eyes I see myself. You are my mirror, you are imprinted on my soul, you are my twin. This flame keeps burning me, I have to put this fire out. It’s getting late. I can’t take anymore. You hurt me and I forgive you a thousand times over. Just waiting, waiting, waiting for you to grow up. Losing sleep and the ability to eat because I give my all to you and still suffer defeat. I’m putting in the work, but you refuse. This is painful and feels like abuse. I’m sorry that I trigger you, I’m sorry that you can’t soften and accept the love that has been waiting for you all of this time. I don’t want to get to the part where I’m shut down and your accountability comes in a day late and a dollar short. I know you’re working on things, I’m endlessly patient for you. I’m worried you’re building my foundations with pain and the wall will be to thick to break down. You’re losing me. Someone or something else is coming. I chose you. The time is ticking and the ball is in your court. I never understood what my purpose was or why I lived through all of this, it was to find each other again. I met you and nothing was the same. It will never be the same as it was.
5D Woman meets 3D boy
(I had a second past life regression and the dream revealed to me that I was the other woman, betrayed and lied to and a tragic death ended us because karma is a ***** on every timeline and every lifetime)
Feb 2023 · 512
Some day…
Sad Girl Feb 2023
You are my some day
Maybe not today
But one day
I give you space to grow
Because I love you more than you know
You have many journeys to explore
As I’m watching you grow, I’ll only love you more
You’re becoming the version of you, I adore
I can’t wait to meet him, though, I love every version
I can’t wait to learn about all of your excursions
You have trouble to make and hearts to break
And lessons to learn and recognition to earn
Im guiding you slightly, each time that you write me
I’ll let you think your conclusions are your own
I know that I’m here to remind you, your truth
And to help you to regain your spiritual backbone
You’re never alone, wherever you roam
Remember if you’re homesick, my souls essence is your own
In this divine connection, this lovely reflection,
know that you are protected and infinitely home.
Think of me, dream of me, simple as that.
And I’m there with my hand on the small of your back.
Offering support from my bottomless depths.
I hope when you lay your head down for great rest,
You imagine my heart and warmth of my breast.
It’s there for you endlessly.
I care for you endlessly.
I’m always wishing you best.
Surely you know, as connected to me,
You and your purpose are blessed.
I can’t wait for one day
When you teach me what you’ve learned
When we can indulge in the loved that we’ve earned
The day is not today, but I’m holding onto hope for some day.
Sorry I’m aware this is sappy
Feb 2023 · 435
Someone else remembers…
Sad Girl Feb 2023
I’ll never be who you want for me to be.
I am who I have to be.
Because I am special and important and divine.
If you have forgotten this, and also maybe, yourself..
this is your cross to bare.
I know I’m really great and you like me,
but I refuse to be put on the back burner for anyone.
It’s not your fault that you don’t know what I do, it’s not my fault that I do.
It makes it difficult to be in your life,
so I let you go with grace and love you from a distance.
You either want what I want or you don’t, no games.
Remember to be a divine masculine and to tap into your feminine when it
comes to the women in your life.
Stand up and be a true balance.
Bare heart and soul.
Be honest and stop trying to control and analyze everything.
Tap into how the divine feminine makes you feel and what she is communicating.
Drop your egotistical views and see
things for what they truly are.
Blessings.
You are blessed to know her.
You are blessed to be invited and welcomed into her space.
Her body.
Don’t ever forget how divine she is.
Someone else remembers.
Feb 2023 · 497
Thirst
Sad Girl Feb 2023
I was just a tall glass of something you don’t remember ordering.
You thought you wanted someone who would wait around.
You thought you wanted someone who was okay with you running around as long as you came back to them at the end of the day.
Did you enjoy every argument?
Did you enjoy all of the wasted moments that could have been us laying together and tracing each other’s bodies?
I have a whole new body now.
I walk into the room and people pay attention, not because I am loud.
Because I demand it.
I am worthy, and **** good looking.
This cup is dripping with condensation and everybody is out here sweating in this heat.
I look **** good.
But you don’t know this version of me.
I spent so much time trying to blend in and mirror the people around me, you never got the chance to drink me in.
Do you see me now?
Can you taste it?
The taste of regret, metallic on your silver tongue.
Hurt me with your judgements.
Hurt me with your words, but never in the bedroom where I ask that of you.
Coward.
You wanted me to be weak so I would bow to you.
If I EVER bow, you’d better lay a pillow down, knowing that an empress doesn’t belong on the ground.
You looked for me everywhere.
“I like this one’s mouth”
“This one makes good conversation”
“This one does what I ask”
“This one has nice legs”
So stitch them together.
Enjoy your busy life of rushing back and forth from bed to bed and door to door to appease your needs between all of your sally dolls.
None of them will hold a candle to me.
What I bring to the table could feed a nation.
I possess the things that matter;
I even possess the things that don’t.
I’m not for these streets, I’m just in them.
Looking for new avenues.
I become the opportunist and you become lost.
You missed your exit long ago, because you were too busy looking for the gas station with the best price.
Now the road has been winding for miles and miles and there seems to be nothing around.
No sidewalks, no side streets, no signs.
Your gas is approaching E.
It’s suffocatingly humid and it’s getting dark.
You’re thirsty.
Don’t you wish you had that tall glass of water?
It’s not where you left it.
Someone else understood the value of water and gulped it down,
every… last… drop.
They even put their mouth on the cup that was meant for you.
The one you specifically asked for and forgot about.
That person is absolutely satiated.
Wherever you end up, I hope you find a cup and learn to fill it yourself.
The servers are tired and it’s closing time.
~ KD (2023) ©
Soy dramatica 🙄
Jan 2023 · 475
Dragon’s lair
Sad Girl Jan 2023
At 10 AM
when the sun rises;
just above the trees
and the wind rustles the leaves,
I hope you’ll think of me.

For I am you!
As the sun dries the dew,
We wake feeling renewed
by this blissful view.

The train offers sound healing.
A hum like no other,
but only nature in sight-
So it seems the calling of the mother.
Thank you Pachamama,
for these moments of surrender.
Upon the dragon’s lair,
Shall we ever remember.

I thank you for your strength,
I thank you for the trees,
I thank you for the moments that nobody else sees.

Thank you for this love that brings me to my knees
And, thank you, for removing all the troubles plaguing me.

When I leave this space,
I will feel relieved.
Thank you for your time.
Messages received.
- Hendrix, dragon Reborn 🐉💚
Staying at the hostel in Brunswick, Georgia I found myself quite captivated in getting back to the basics on power down sunday. Cooking over the fire, composting, feeding chickens, writing poetry in a journal with pen by candle light. Sleeping in a screened enclosure deep in the outdoors with soooo many blankets to account for the weather. Hearing the owls and insects and woodland fairies howl their battle cries into the night. So much life in the forest while we calmly lay ourselves to rest. Truly blissful. This is how I choose to live my life. This is truly honoring this land.
Sad Girl Jan 2023
I am safe.
My story is being re-written.
That is no longer my life.
I am holding the wounded parts of myself.
Though, I may be wounded; I cannot forget that I am a warrior. I am not alone; my guides are always with me. They have always been watching over me.

The hands that could not hold me while they walked this earth are guiding me now. They are holding me. No person in my life now, was brought into it without a purpose. Nothing is coincidence.

This has been a test to see if I will fold under pressure, Out of fear and illusion,
created by the shadows of my past.
I was raised in a family that loved,
But didn’t always know how to show it. God, did they love.

I grew up in a family that didn’t
know how to offer support because
they didn’t know how to ask for it. I grew up taking care of myself
And thinking that I could trust no one,
other than myself.

The first hands that were made to carry me in this life were made into fists, and at other times, Used to shush or shoo me away. I’m not used to receiving. The list of things I have trouble receiving could go on, but I’m getting better.

I wince and pull away a little less
when someone offers me a hand to hold.
I shrug a little less and learn to graciously bow my head when someone gives me a compliment. I let others help me lift instead of shooing their hand away and saying “I got it!” - most days -

I try to take people at face value instead of convincing myself that there’s a hidden agenda,  ulterior motives, so to speak.
I give effortlessly; I don’t expect any return on my investments, just the acknowledgment that I lacked in my youth.

My spirit is humble, although, I may not always show it. I am vulnerable- not weak, not a detriment to myself.
My shadows want to convince me that I am all of those things.

I don’t consider the darkness I have experienced; something to grow from, but something to embrace. Something to make peace with, innerstand, balance and then transmute into creation. I will be rewarded for all that I have been through, I deserve it.

With blood on my hands and scars on my skin, I fought tooth and nail, through dirt and brimstone, through hellfire and rain. I am reborn again and again. I am cleansed and purified. There is nothing that can break me.

So with a smile, I proudly walk through the valley of the shadow of death. I am guided and anointed. I planted seeds and manifested. I will receive the fruits of my labor as I lay in green pastures.
I will have a plentiful meal prepared for me at a table amongst those who have harmed me and wished me ill.

I will welcome them to join me because no child will be left behind, no mouth or belly will go hungry in my presence, for I serve God’s purpose, The purpose of truly, unconditional love. For the good of all and to the harm of none.

I will call my enemy, my brother and remember that source forgives. I will remind them that they are forgiven. I will build homes where bridges have been
burned to create gallows and hanging posts. We will all move to calmer waters together.

I am love.
I am support.
I am the sun and the stars I pray to.
My passion is ignited and my light cannot be dimmed. My abundance is on the way and I am so blessed. As we are one, know that the same is true for you. And so it is.
Jan 2023 · 347
Anatomy of a Horror Film
Sad Girl Jan 2023
Action - reaction 🪦
Action - reaction
Does this bring you satisfaction?
Slice myself in such a fashion
Can you feel that? Not a fraction.

You could care less
how you make people feel
Pushing buttons and turning wheels.
watch stories unfold as you run the reel-
So much happiness to steal.

Misery blanket- pass it on!
Share your misery, then be gone
Let it encompass those you’ve wronged
Your ignorance present, remaining headstrong.

Do you know how far it goes
when you pull from above -
to drag down below
Wrapping me up
in the hatred you’ve sewn
Cocoon me in feelings I think I’ve outgrown.


Gather in comfort
to watch the premiere
of denial and lies,
Of pain and fear.
I’ll provide complimentary
in depth commentary
for those who are confused
and those who are wary.

The act contains violence
and furthermore silence
from the ones who cause pain
and drive the victims insane.

A malevolent force
from an outside source
is attacking this being
on the screen you are seeing.

This production contains gore
and tears on the floor.
If this is something
you cannot endure
Then, please, leave quickly
and use the backdoor.
If you do not like this film
and choose to deplore
Write us a letter don’t
cause an uproar.

The writer does not
much care for the viewers
They will take your opinions
and roast them on skewers.

So if there something
that you detest-
write it to your journal,
that would be best.

© KD
1/10/2021
Sources message 📿
Life is NOT A MOVIE

👁🧿
Their ego is dangerous to your mental health
It’s not confidence, it’s arrogance masquerading insecurity

Fear:
doesn’t know what it means to love, could never love you.
Dec 2022 · 354
Is the purpose worth this?
Sad Girl Dec 2022
How can this be my purpose
When all it does is hurt this

Body
Mind
And soul
It leaves me filled with holes

I fill them as I can
with nature
Self-nurture
(sometimes man)

Confusion
Illusion
A ******* contusion

Hematoma
when I smell your aroma

Therapy
When you stare at me

But you turn away
And run astray
We’ll get it together
One of these days

When I feel winded
I often pray
But I agreed to this, so
What can I say?

When it feels unbalanced
and filled with malice

A purpose
A purpose
Feeling so worthless
Evenly matched
Picked at and scratched

Mean what you say
Say what you mean
Feeling *****
Feeling unclean

Not good enough
But better than others
Though, if I were to share this,
You’d surely feel smothered

I cannot lecture you
I’m not your mother
So I just laugh and accept
all of the others

Sisters and mixtures
with brothers, oh brother
So many energies
And connections to discover
Are you keeping your body safe?
I wonder

To share with me
Feels like a fee
So you hold yourself back
Which gets me out of whack

Feeling a lack
Of reciprocal energy
Which leads my brain
to make you an enemy

Someone who doesn’t
have my interest at heart
Best or worst,
So it feels like a farce

Am I a “Goddess?”
Or a business asset
I’m multidimensional
I embody many facets

A key to your success
That you dare not undress
I claim no ownership
But it’s me, you possess,

I overthink as I watch you process
the attention from others
So I lay them to rest

If I had a backbone
I could detest
You treat me so opposite
from the energy you express

Maybe you’re protective
of energies that threaten me
Or maybe it would hurt you
if someone else slept with me

I intend to heal,
never cause pain
But this holds me back
Which I cannot sustain
So I must refrain
And soon after, reframe

You came into my life and
Nothing was the same
I can’t allow connections
to drive me insane
I cannot wait around
Until your greatness is ordained

Distracting yourself
During separation
Is the very thing that caused you
Your spiritual castration

This may seem harsh
But the truth comes from spirit
And I’ve seen this before
So I can’t bare to hear it

I’m praying for your strength
Against all odds and towers
I hope to find you someday
When you step into your power

For now I must move
in a different direction
While you make collections
That stunt your *******

When you see the truth
You’ll campaign for your election
I can only hope that by this time
You’ve really learned some lessons

I refuse to be nothing more
than the latest obsession
I hope that you can give me more
As it pertains to affection

And mental stimulation
And physical elation
She needs exhilaration
To fulfill her spiritual gestation

Repressing your emotions
And avoiding heart experiences
Shirking your adherence
Because you are in fear of it
Separates us from our path

And so you’ll miss out
But I cannot sit with you
As you fill us both with doubt
I’m banging the proverbial door
Searching
Searching
for something more

Somewhere
someone
something else
Who cares about me
and my health,
Not my wealth

Whether financial or spiritually
I’m looking for abundance
That will help me feel free

Caught up in this purpose
I find my self stagnant
I’m locking up my heart again
Before you can stab it

And unexpected turn
That makes my stomach churn
I hope we both find
What it is that we yearn
I’m cutting out anything
that blocks my discern

Sorry if you find me
To be cold or stern
I’m often a mystery
Sometimes I’m subliminal

I’m find that this purpose
has kept me quite liminal
I hope for the best
While you give me the minimal

Forgive me if my words
Are seemingly cynical
You have me in an energy
I don’t yet understand
But I refuse this while
I stand on remand

A purposeful purpose
Got lost in the circus
When you find your truth
The love will resurface.
Dec 2022 · 298
The first
Sad Girl Dec 2022
You were the very first,
-not the last-
Certainly not the worst.

I said I, simply, wouldn’t
I knew that I “shouldn’t“
I certainly couldn’t.
Right? I couldn’t, shouldn’t, wouldn’t!

I’m learning that I’m ready
For the unknown and unsteady
No matter what I say,
My body just won’t let me.

I try to walk away but my heart
Wanders astray
And comes straight back to you
No matter what I do

What does this all mean?
When I’m with you,
it’s so serene
The feelings are surreal
And sometimes quite obscene

A delayed reaction
To my dissatisfaction
Results come in slowly
While the universe holds me

I try not to unravel
As I run around and travel
Dig my toes into the gravel
While my writers brain plays scrabble

Im so confused,
Sometimes I feel so used,
Yet you haven’t asked for much
I just gift you such and such

Not a people pleaser
But an Angel who is eager
To bring you all the blessings
While you warrant me life lessons

I’ve never said, no way before
And found myself longing for more
I’ve told you more than once
What I can’t seem to enforce
But if I fight the flow,
Will I find myself off course?

My body and my heart are very conflicted
I feel so free, yet highly restricted
My head tells my heart, it should take a step back
My heart tells my head that it must be cracked

Utterly insane to assume I have control of things
When I’m around you, my insides, they are smoldering
I feel at home, although- somewhat- neglected
I want to reach out but I fear the rejection

You’re hot, then you’re cold
You’re sweet, then you’re sour
I could watch you switch back and forth
Hour after hour

I have to be careful of what comes at a detriment
I can’t help but love you,
Debates are irrelevant
I won’t be taken advantage of
But I am no president
To dictate the rules
on what is
and is NOT “cool”

I just want to be
And at that, to be free
Though,
I’d like it if you chose to be
free here with me

Your vision is clouded,
so the truth that you cannot see
Is that your abundance comes when you give love and receive
That vulnerable love that you won’t let others know of
It’s the only thing stopping you from that which you seek
You aren’t shy, but your emotions are meek
And it’s hard for me to wait as I’m reaching my peak

But patience is key and the timing is prudent
Every day there are shifts, I’m the teacher and the student
I won’t miss any lesson and I won’t shirk any test
When we reach the destination where we all find our rest

I can only hope to say that our journey was masterful
And leaves an impression, long-lasting and classical
Complex and harmonious, infinitely inspiring
The journey will be heartfelt soon, and one day, less tiring

The first, not the worst
Not the future, not the past
Just the right here, right now
That I’d really like to last
The first peace of mind I’ve received in a while
Letting go of old narratives and healing my inner child
Letting out my primal instincts
Diving into the wild
Come to think of it,
I’ve found a genuine reason to smile

Take it or leave it,
The feeling still stays
Turbulent coasting
In all areas GRAY
Getting out of my boxes
And into your psyche
I took a peak inside,
And what I see? “Me likey.”

Thanks for all the lessons,
and the progress and the growth
Sorry for the times that it’s triggered us both
I’ve shared pain and gratitude
in the most calm, collected way.
And I’m grateful for this journey- and you-
Each and every day.
Dec 2022 · 275
Risky business
Sad Girl Dec 2022
Neglected
Abandoned
Used
Unamused

Abused
Refused
Recoil
Obtuse

Toil
Recluse

Excuse
After
Excuse

After
Blame
And
Reframed

Misuse
Of my fruits

The truth is plain to see
It’s you, not  me

I expected more
Than to feel like a cheap *****
To be thrown to the floor
Like a rag - nothing more
I’ve been here before
Not much left to explore
Just feelings that I abhor
Feeling low and unadorned
I often feel shame,
I often feel scorned
I told myself I’d stop this
Yet, here I am forlorn
Not to toot my own horn,
But I know I deserve more
After what I have seen here
There’s no reason to Implore

A burning and a yearning
I’ll never collect my earnings
The passion isn’t here
And this fills me with fear
What is coming next,
Will I always be so vexed?
Crying to myself
while they put me on a shelf
Falling to my knees because I’m so eager to please
This is what they see
An opportunity to seize
When I ask for what I want,
nothing more than a sneeze
It’s my fault you won’t love me,
the way that I request
It’s certainly not you,
you’re doing you’re best
Chalk it up to I’m “too loud”
because you can’t find the words- too proud-
If you ask me, it’s a cosmic joke
You came here only to provoke
I suppose it’s just a lesson learned
Embarrassed that I can’t discern  
I learned this lesson once before,
But somehow I’ve forgotten
I’m not sure where to go from here
But I hope it’s where I’ve NOT been.
History repeats in cycles
I have clouded vision
I need to shake you off of me
and get back to my mission
I look for love in all of the wrong places
And become fond of people and their faces
But when they show me the facts
I need to take a few steps back
Try hard not to - too- 2 react
But I’m full of heat and it’s discipline I lack
Your demeanor begs that I cut you slack
When I feel I am being attacked
I don’t know how to remedy this
So I bite back tears as I clench my fists
To you, only your own trauma exists
So I should be more careful when taking these risks
Oct 2022 · 376
Familiar
Sad Girl Oct 2022
I’ve been learning how to take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of…

Everyone’s is different.
Mine has abandonment issues because his parents were absent.
He likes to be in control and has strong boundaries.
He doesn’t quite know how he feels about public displays of affection yet,
He doesn’t ever want to come off as weak in front of others.
On the contrary, if you touch someone else in front of him,
He gets very jealous and he’s quick to show it.
He’s quite a fireball.
He doesn’t like to sit still and is all about movement!
He likes to run and jump and play.
He’s temperamental.
Sometimes he gets anxious.
Sometimes he scratches me.
Sometimes I find that playful and I don’t mind.
Sometimes he gets angry and we have to take space away from each other.
At other times he is very clingy and affectionate.
I love the moments that I get to spend with him like this.
He loves nature and he loves to be outdoors.
He loves getting *****, especially in the garden.
His hair is medium long and dark like the night sky.
His eyes light up my world.
He loves the way that I sing to him.
We take a lot of naps together.
He loves cuddles when nobody else is around.
He is his most gentle, sweet, authentic self in those moments.
He reminds me that I am loved.
I could spend forever just looking into those eyes,
the way that he holds eye contact when he is at home with me.
I love him passed his flaws and the roughness and he sees me
for the loving, caring, nurturer that I am.
We are so different from each other and somehow so alike.
We just get each other.
I will always love him, even when others don’t.

This was a story about my rescued cat, did it trigger anything for you?
Oct 2022 · 385
Yours
Sad Girl Oct 2022
Waiting
So long
Endlessly
Fear
Pulsating
Absolutely falling apart
Am I weak?
Maybe
In the knees
For you

I can’t stop dripping when I think of you
Writhing in pain
Longing to be touched
Gasping for air
Thick
Hot
Suffocating air

I can’t get enough
Not one finger
Not two
Every single inch
All of it
All of you

Devoured

*******
Tied down

Candles all around
Begging
Panting
Crying

Just water
All over
Swimming in it
Emotions
And oceans
Of your sweat
My sweat
And then some

Waves
Heat
Passion
Frivolous rolling around

Screaming your name
Running from you
Being pulled back
Encapsulating you
I’m home
You’re home
Inside
Outside
All around

Absolutely
madly
passionately
fatally
involved

****** healing
Evolution
Mental emancipation
Revolution
A riot

Divinely entangled
Woven like the fabric of the dna that birthed the existence of cognizance  

Absolutely broken
Yet completely mended
into something new

Yours
Sep 2022 · 366
2:22
Sad Girl Sep 2022
Why do you hurt me this way
Won’t talk to me
Won’t let me go
Won’t stay

I accept every part of you
The good
The confused
The ugly
The abused

I think that you’re perfect
But I’m not sure if this pain is worth it
The truth has risen to the surface
But you weren’t ready to earth it

Lay down your burdens
Lay them on me
Let everything go
But the things you can’t see

I want to find happy
But only with you
I don’t want the pain
But I’ll endure as I do
Constantly wishing
And waiting for you

An unfulfilled wish
Like a broken dish
Falling to the floor
To be used never more

I have cried my eyes sore
I have nothing left
You’ve stolen my heart
It’s an unjust theft

And you don’t even want
what you wished for
And I don’t want to be here anymore
I can’t unsee what I’ve seen
It’s damaging, what I thought,
were healed parts of me

Everything was fine until I met the divine
I didn’t know I had a purpose
But this purpose feels empty
It makes me feel worthless

I want to run away
To run from the pain
But everywhere I go
My heart feels the same
I don’t need more lessons
I’ve had quite enough
I dropped out of school
so just know, it’s not a bluff

Please just tell me
So I can amuse
Whatever it is that
you think I should do
Besides rip out my heart
and hand it to you

Or lay myself like a slab
on the platter
For you to feast on
while you gaze with laughter
Watching me toss and
watching me turn
Witness my longing and
watching me yearn

As each one of your friends
would like to take a turn
Sadly an audience
is all that I’ve earned
If this goes much longer
We’ll be needing an urn
But please, don’t quote me
out of concern

You say that I need therapy
and maybe that’s true
or maybe you’re just reflecting
Soiled parts of you

I came here to love
Nothing more nothing less
So open your cage
and let my heart rest

place that thing
back under my breast
and allow me to heal
As I rebuild this nest
I have to survive us
to see what comes next
Fasting x celibacy x juggling x 222 x synchronistic occurrences x overwhelm x addiction control x dreams (it’s too much) (I recorded this aloud and it was perfectly timed to 2: 22)
Mar 2021 · 1.9k
Remember
Sad Girl Mar 2021
Rememeber how she loved you.
Remember how she smelled.
Remember the tiny hairs
on the back of her neck
and the way that she spoke
your name like you were
something special.
Remember how she laughed
at your poor-taste jokes and sewed
the buttons back onto your pants
when your weight fluctuated
all of those years.
Remember reading stories
to each other at night
and sharing your unorthodox thoughts
over a warm mug of something or other,
whenever she was into that sort of thing.
Remember driving miles to see her
and feeling like you'd never parted.
Remember sharing your insecurities
and your dark memories that you dare
not share with anyone else.
Remember how she never uttered judgement
in your direction even when you choked up
during those discussions.
Remember laughing.
Remmeber holding her.
Remember how she smelled
after a long stressful day
and how- to you- it smelt
sweet instead of sour.
Remember the sound of her voice
when she sang to you.
Remember when that same
"beautiful" voice cracked
when she would cry.
Remember making her cry.
Rmemeber the first time that your hands
forgot what a delicate little girl she was
when you struck her.
Remember her forgiving heart.
Remember the number of times
that you said "I'm sorry".
Remember the fire in your stomach growing
during those fights.
Remember how the love outweighed the issues.
Remember crying in each others arms
as you made up and held each other
so tight (it almost hurt).
Her smell.
Remember that.
Remember the first time that
you slept in seperate beds again,
like before there was an "us".
Remember waking up alone,
missing her.
Her smell.
Remember watching her pack her
things and walk out the door.
Remember how unreal it felt
and how you couldn't stop it.
Remember when words weren't enough anymore.
Remember why she walked away.
Remember trying to hold onto
the memory of her smell.
Remember how empty your
arms felt the night that
you couldn't remember anymore.
Take it all in.
Take some time to sit with it.

Now try to forget.

Try to forget how
much it hurts to

Remember.
sappy soppy garbage.
Sad Girl Apr 2017
“I'm big, you're little.
I'm smart, you're dumb.
I'm right, you're wrong.”

This is what you've taught me,
but I've learned another way.
I try to be so peaceful,
I practice every day.

I've been through quite a lot,
And I've had to be so strong.
My message must have gotten lost,
been fighting for so long.

You raised me as a woman,
Yet you treat me like a man
The way that I'm reacting
often goes against my plan.

I'm trying to reach out and
you call it my excuse.
What you see as parenting,
Feels like abuse.
I feel very threatened and
begin to snap back;
I realize my mistake too late,
I try hard to retract.

I need some space to breathe,
I need a little air...
You get so worked up;
leaving no room for repair.
I try to walk away,
I try to be alone,
But you will never let it be
And that is set in stone.

I feel backed into a corner,
As though I have been trapped.
You push me all my life
And expect that I won't snap.
I am very agile,
But I am just a person.
I try to learn to bend
so the problem will not worsen.

You think that I'm rebellious
And full of disrespect
Whenever I'm defensive
As I am made upset.
I don't want to feel scared
And I don't want to feel pain,
Once you introduce those feelings
It can drive a girl insane.

I'm sorry that I haven't turned out
quite how you expected.
My problems are ignored
And my person feels rejected.
Expose me to the anger of
which I have been subjected...
I forget why I'm hurting and
I follow your objective.

The things that I'm saying
are just sitting in my head,
You may not remember them
as things that you once said.
I don't mean to preach and
I don't try to follow,
But your anger is so loud
That I find mine hard to swallow.

I'll leave if you need me to,
But that's not what i need.
I want to coexist with you,
I'm just not up to your speed.
I need love and I need patience,
But you have your own issues
And you cannot face this.

It's chalked down to
"He's old and he'll
never change his ways"
If this isn't an excuse,
I don't know what more to say.

You think that we are different,
but we are quite the same.
You don't see yourself in me
And I find that quite strange.
You say I make my problems
Into someone else's,
While doing just the same...
Am I the only one who is selfish?

I never mean to do or say
the things that I have
I wish that you could help me out,
but you are just my dad.
You are who you are,
no matter who it affects.
I just have to get over it,
as everyone expects.

I'll try not to be like you;
Try to avoid all of your habits.
The idea is in front of me,
I just can't seem to grab it.
Jan 2017 · 7.2k
work in progress
Sad Girl Jan 2017
Liking you was just too easy
Leaving you would be too hard
Please promise me that you'll stay here
and love me while we fall apart

Is it good,
Is it bad?
Are we happy,
Are we sad?

Doesn't matter to me
You are all that I need

Because when you smile
I smile
whether Id like to or not
And that hard head of yours
you're too combative
and I'm too smart

We talk, we argue
we ****, we fight
but by the end of the night
when I can't stand you
I need your hands to
wrap me up, hold me tight
Get away from me
You don't deserve me,
but while you're leaving...
please don't desert me

I really need you
to stick around so
I can drag you
and wear you down
Jan 2017 · 6.6k
I'll thank you later ~
Sad Girl Jan 2017
Everything good about them starts to hurt,
doesn't it?

Once you begin to realize that
while you were
   f
         a
                 l
            l
           ­      i
             n
                  g
They were just biding time.

While you were running towards them,
they were searching for the exit.

When you were m_ ss _ng them,
they were looking for better people to see
better places to be.

When you were feeling C0nFus3d,
their friends were laughing with them - at your expen$e.

While you were falling     a p a r  t

 high,
   they were getting             not feeling a thing.

While you were giving them the benefit of the doubt,
they were doubting you had any benefits.

While you were trying to
p  
          a   t
                      c  #
 things up,

They were trying to let you   d
                                                    o
          ­                                           w
                                                               ­ n  easy.

All of the good things become
                   rui
           ne
  d

How lovely they made you feel

Before doesn't matter.

You were  d      r        a       g     g    i      n    g   out
what they wanted to come to an
end...

Now all that you have left are the memories
             a-t-t-a-c-h-e-d   to the
p \ in that comes

After.



©Kateland Dwyer
*1/5/2017
I really loved her, from the moment that I met her.
My whole life is just one long sad story.
She's just another antagonist in a small chapter now.
I had a better role planned out for her,
but this is a true story and not many of those have happy endings.
It wasn't what I thought it was anyways.
I'm just a fool for love.
Art comes from reality, not happiness...
I guess that I should be thanking her.
Jan 2017 · 6.1k
What we become
Sad Girl Jan 2017
At some point in time
she grew tired of thinking,
tired of feeling.
She couldn't leave the earth
for the sake of the ones that she loved.
Her pain enveloped her.
She hurt in silence.
Silence was her way of screaming.
Crying for help.
Hiding away,
Wishing,
Hoping,
Praying -to a God she nor accepted or disputed-
Just waiting for someone to notice her descent.
If one person could be puzzled by her disappearance it could have made a difference.
She laid in the darkness for days.
Day after day
She watched the time pass and
h o p e d
that it would soon be over.
She
w i s h e d
that someone would stop her
She
P R A Y E D
that her heart would stop
Her pain and the darkness enveloped her.
Tired of thinking.
Tired of feeling.
She just let go.
She drew back into herself and began to drown.
Sleeping, dreaming, imagining
A better life,
A significant existence.
Not thinking about important things,
Not feeling what there was to feel,
Barely existing.
Seeing that she had been let go of, she stopped
Waiting-
Wishing-
Hoping -
She stopped praying.
She no longer cried.
She became the darkness.
She became the silence.
She enveloped all.
Had to re-upload this because I have OCD and I offset my poetry post pattern :/ sorry.
Dec 2016 · 6.8k
"Kids in a Van"
Sad Girl Dec 2016
Words are often left unspoken
amongst the mangled and the broken
words can heal, but instead silence
while we tolerate the violence
on our bodies/
in our minds
a tangled web,
we dare not unwind
to ourselves
-and one another -
we've been unkind,
though we are lovers.

Ponder this questionable existence
where there is an abundance of resistance
to be ourselves and feel the love
constantly searching for a reason above
instead of reaching out and extending our hand
to our neighbor, our brother, "some kids in a van"

It's funny how we land here
in this position
abandoning our families and breaking tradition
to learn about the world and the way that it works
some people have kinds souls and others are just jerks
One day you ask an old man
"Sir, may I have a dollar?
I just want some food, maybe a water."

His reaction could be harmful, harsh, judgemental
the skill that needs building is very fundamental
"You'll spend it on drugs! Get out of my face!"
Discouraging words spoken of the human race,
"Sir may I have a dollar or some food? Maybe water"
Another man approaches as he walks with his daughter...
The daughter tugs this man and she slips him some change
How smart the children are.. Isn't it strange?
with one small glance of the smile in this exchange
the man understood, the answer was plain.

Now you have a dollar, although not enough for food,
inside you feel a warmth and a change in your mood.
The youth can inspire every second, every day
by giving out love hoping that the idea will stay.

"Some kids in a van" were once your sons and daughters
when people realize this, they seem to have a few more dollars
words are often left unspoken
each and every day-
If you extended your heart and hand,
that pain is sure to run astray.
Aug 2016 · 5.8k
The power of "Six"
Sad Girl Aug 2016
There is some girls in this world that you call a six, they go home and cry. Some girls you call a six and they get angry and yell at you or slap you.
I realized that there was something wrong with me the first time someone called me a six, told me I wasn't good enough. I spent eight years after that trying to find him the ten that he was looking for; meanwhile sitting in the background trying to improve myself to be more like all of the eights and the nines. I bought him things and I showed him the most beautiful parts of me, I cooked for him and listened when he needed an ear. I let him use my body and I let him feed from the beautiful thoughts in my mind, the dark thoughts in my mind as well. I let him crawl under my skin. I did whatever he asked me to do and I gave whatever he asked me to give until I felt like I had nothing left.
I knew that there was something wrong with me when you called me a six and instead of crying, I felt the urge and needed for you to hold me and to use my body. I wanted you to know what a six feels like instead of how she looks. Some people fail to realize that I was a ten once. I was a ten being made to feel like a six, being told constantly that I was a six and I needed to be at ten. Imagine how many times someone told me that I was a six because they realized that I was vulnerable, imagine how many times I had to clear my mind of that thought but couldn't. Imagine all of the substances that I poured into myself trying to drown those negative thoughts that had been planted. Imagine how many conversations I had and how many people I let slip in under my loosely sewn skin. Imagine all of the men that I felt the need to be held by, imagine how they "held" me. Imagine how I felt after, imagine what I became. One day down the road I woke up and looked into the mirror and saw someone that I didn't recognize. Here I am, a six, trying to find what I lost.
Apr 2016 · 6.4k
Home inside myself
Sad Girl Apr 2016
Elder wisdom
Self love
Self respect
Patience
Understanding
Communication
Inner peace
It's been a year
Since I have seen you,
Experienced you,
Breathed you, felt and heard you.
Please don't you ever leave me again.
Don't ever hide.
Stop running.
You are at home.
Home is in here.
Reaching out is okay
But stop searching
Just be home.
This body and this life is your home.
It's been a year.
Do you recognize yourself today?
Welcome home.
Welcome back.
Stay a while.
Mar 2016 · 6.3k
Lessons from the Garden
Sad Girl Mar 2016
If you burn a flower,
it happens slowly. (to you)
It may be astonishing
to watch and smell and feel,
but just look at what you've done
to the flower...
There are traces left;
the scent lingers,
but that flower will never be the same.
The colors are no longer vibrant.
The flower becomes stale and dried out.
It becomes so frail
that touching it
could wither the rest
of what is left behind.
The worst part is that
you have never been,
could never be a flower.
You don't know what it is
to be a flower, you don't know
what it feels like when it is burning.
You blindly take action against nature
not fearing the consequence.
Nature is there for you,
nature takes care of you.
Look at what you have done
to this beautiful flower that you
once held so dear?
Foolish little boy;
once you stop caring for your planet,
the planet no longer takes an interest in you.
It no longer respects you,
feels the need to protect and nurture you.
You have taken this flower,
this gift of the universe and damaged it.
When the rain stops falling and the gardens
cease growth, don't curse the skies and the soil.
Return to the empty flower-bed where you
found that brilliant flower standing,
firmly rooted in the earth and extending up
to you awaiting it's water and food.
Feeding you it's beloved oxygen.
That flower is gone,
it has moved on to a new life,
with new purpose.
Once you waste something away,
you cannot get it back.
The lesson is hard to learn,
but none the less, you have learned it.
It is a  s h a m e ,
the earth loses flowers every day
for little boys to learn big lessons.
**kd
Sad Girl Mar 2016
I'm afraid to stay in
I'm afraid to go out
I'm afraid of the words that leak out of my mouth
I'm afraid of my hands
I'm afraid of my heart
I'm afraid to share my music and the efforts of my art
I'm afraid of the judgement and the lack of support
I'm afraid they will laugh about my pain like it's a sport
I'm afraid of the things that I've left written down
I'm afraid of the sorrows in which I watch myself drown
I'm afraid that somebody is seeing the real me
I am vulnerable here and alone as can be
I'm afraid that my God isn't listening anymore
But I'm much more afraid that I've made his ears sore

I'm afraid to hold on
I'm afraid to let go
I'm afraid to tell the people
I fear what they already know
I'm afraid that I want too many things I can't have
I'm afraid to make myself into an *** and a half
I'm afraid that I'll hurt you
I'm afraid you'll hurt me back
I'm afraid I'll get caught doing what I don't know is bad
I'm afraid of my own journey, will I ever make it back?

(intentional music break)

I'm afraid to write down all of my silly fears
I'm afraid that I'll be in this same place in five years

I'm afraid of the world and the people that are in it
I'm afraid to start off and not be able to finish ****
I'm afraid to play it safe
I'm afraid to sin
I'm afraid of defeat
And I'm terrified to win

I'm afraid of my Mom's sickness taking her life
I'm afraid to be devoured by the same form of strife
I'm afraid if I get famous, it won't be enough
I'm afraid of all the money in the world calling my bluff
I'm afraid that no matter how much happiness I reach for
It won't be enough to repair the pain in my core
I'm afraid that I'm causing my family too much pain
I'm afraid that when I'm gone the world might move the same

I'm afraid that I'm crazy
Even more scared that I'm sane
I'm afraid to be afraid
I'm afraid to be brave

I'm afraid for the kids in this world that feel the same
I'm afraid to write these words down in front of my own face
I'm afraid that, out of fear, what I've written will be erased
For concern of others like me, that would be in poor taste...
So I'll let this one out and pray that I touch base
I'm afraid to be feared for the fact that I'm afraid.
*© KD
Mar 2016 · 4.4k
The Future is Now
Sad Girl Mar 2016
Our future starts now,
have we forgotten somehow?
The pain that we endure
somehow makes us impure.
To live and let go, to love and learn...
To accept one another; expect the same in return.
To reach out to someone hurting and to try and understand, this helps us grow... After all, wasn't that the plan? Why else are we here, why else are we breathing? It's only just begun and soon we'll all be leaving.
To leave something behind that is worth your life or mine would show that we have made it, we rest with the divine.
The planets all in balance,
The souls points all aligned,
That's when the peace comes
That's when we can unwind.
We dream and we discuss a way of living that we must, but if there is no action then why all of the fuss? We have to put it out there, to live and love our best the way that we know how and spread it to the rest.
On earth there is a sadness and men with cruel intention, many of you notice what I shouldn't have to mention. At this juncture  we are falling apart, forgetting our talents, neglecting our art.
We feel the end approaching, pain envelopes all... We reach out to our brothers when we are feeling small. If you feel alone, you have to figure out- who are the people that are filling you with doubt? If it is inside of you, you have to cast it out and if it is surrounding you, find another route. Our future starts today, have we forgotten somehow? Don't let it be in vain, make a change now. ~ ©KD
Mar 2016 · 3.7k
Captivating Freedom
Sad Girl Mar 2016
I'm gonna close my eyes and shut my mouth,
Let this high take me down south.
Now who cares, I'm everywhere.
They tug my arms, I rip my hair.
"No"
"Don't Do That!"
"Do this."
"Go Here."
(uh huh)
Whatever you need, that's what I'll be.

My face is itchy, my mouth is dry;
All I wanna do is stare up at the sky.
-Don't ask why-
Just let me fly.
Who needs the boys and who needs the girls
when you can take one hit and say goodbye to the world
and become
Comfortably numb.

I'm gonna shut my mouth, close my eyes
Take a big breathe
enjoy my high
and push on
so long, so long.

Find me in the gravel, kicking some rocks
I've got no shoes on, I got holes in my socks
Who cares, I'm everywhere.
Giving myself that big bear hug
from the inside I'm warm
This is how I feel love
(uh huh)
I'll do whatever I want.

My skin may itch, my heart may wear,
but whatever comes next is not my affair
I'll be gone.
Push on, push on.
Song In Progress
Mar 2016 · 3.8k
A Must Read
Sad Girl Mar 2016
She's a beautiful being
much like a flower,
from which I could learn,
examining for hours.
I admire her smell
and how she speaks of me,
the knowledge she carries
makes one feel less lonely.

From her crown to her toes
she is lovely and free,
a companion that was placed here
for irrational me.

She speaks like the wind
knowing I am delicate,
drops petal-like compliments
that I consider reverant.
She seems like a sea
in which I could drown,
a pure contribution
on this heavenless mound.

I know her as I know myself;
or any book from any shelf.
Open it up and read just a sliver,
ask your questions-
she'll surely deliver.

She knows when to play and when to relax,
she understands my being-
reads through the cracks.
She understands the importance
of an honest, open heart.
She shares my love of music
and creates striking art.

At times she makes me feel
as though I am the advisor,
but I have read a few pages
from her and feel wiser.

I've never quite finished
any book that I've read,
so I'll put the books down and
read into her instead.
~*kd
Sad Girl Feb 2016
He kneeled down only to whisper in her ear,
"I can feel you shaking and taste your fear.
Don't let them see you,
don't let them know...
Once they see that you're vulnerable,
they won't let you go.
Who am I?
That, my dear, you know.
I'm trying not to scare you,
take each bit in slow.
Now you understand me;
you can hear it in my tone,
I am the one who sits wise- on the throne."

She suddenly felt comforted and soon, somewhat warm.
She asked no more questions, no longer forlorn.
She followed him solely, latched onto his tail.
She felt if she followed him she could not fail.
She was on fire and everyone saw,
but no one could touch her- they stood there in 'awe'.
She thought that she knew him and joined him in flight.
Away he swept her, straight into the night.
Nobody had words for the deed was done,
the girl was mistaken, the devil had won.

~ short story by me.
© KD
*Know someone's, or something's intentions before following them blindly because you never know what path they are ready to take you down. Some just don't want to be alone on their journey to hell.*
Feb 2016 · 2.6k
Now you know.
Sad Girl Feb 2016
I thought you'd be the one to unfold me. Would have been easier if you had just told me. You wanted to bend and break, not mold me. Teach me lessons, lessons that scold me. It could have been fun, it would have been nice. I've learned my lesson, tried you twice. You are no good, no better than me. Took me long enough to see. Had to pay a lovely fee. My skin, my heart, my feelings, me. I give everything to feel that love, crying to someone I hope is above. Lonely, sad and without love. My story the same, no matter what. I am pathetic, I am a waste. My love always thrown right back in my face. I would stop trying if I had the grace, but I can't exist in a loveless place. It's not who I am, it's not why I breathe. I give all of my love to everyone but me. I let them push me to every degree, destroy me and hurt me until I'm no longer me. I do it again and again and again, until I have nothing but me at my end. I go away and seek treatment, get help. Never get better, though they assume I am well. I sit in my head and explore my own hell. Go out and make friends who think "she seems swell". We laugh and we party, we joke all night. Inside it is boiling, my personal fight. I get too ****** up and they pack me away. I'm fine while I'm sleeping, I wake the next day. Nothing to remember, it all goes away. My sad, lonely heart lays heavy in my chest and it constantly taunts me until I catch rest. Don't ask why I'm sleeping, you did this to me. Love is my weakness, I'll never be free. I'll sleep while I can and paint on that smile that everyone recognized in me all the while. I'll be what I need to, to keep them all happy, while dying inside. They'll never know, sadly.
Jul 2015 · 4.0k
wonder
Sad Girl Jul 2015
wonder if he knows that I cry over him. Does he realize that my skin is craving his skin? Nothing tastes better or feels worse than sin. I couldn't let go, I kept diving in. I continue to have an emotional affair to a man, that in my eyes, nothing compares. All of this bad timing is truly unfair; I sit here and wonder how I can repair this crippling situation that swallows me whole, like a succubus taunting and mocking my soul taking everything out of me, losing control. Love is confusing and takes quite a toll.
A past to revisit, though unjustly forbidden. I can't fight the thoughts, you can tell that I'm smitten. The ruse is sure to be up at some point so sit back, watch me crash, might as well roll a joint. They tell me to let go, they me to stop, I act as though I don't like what I've already got... I am often detached from thinking a lot, but allow me to elaborate and thicken the plot. While I'm being touched I am thinking of him, would it ever happen? The chances are slim. Too many people who's hearts are involved could be put at risk and that I can't solve... I invested my feelings in somebody else because I couldn't wait and I lack mental health. Now I'm alone although in a relationship; I didn't choose roads, I just sunk in the pavement. Wishing I could get back into his heart, I sit and break my own letting my home fall apart. I feel guilty and disgusted and jaded and fooled into something that others said would be "cool". A little love affair, some drama, some fragment... But the feelings I have now, they leave me quite stagnant. I have to avoid him at any and all costs, but that never happens. I am at a loss. I'm fighting for him, against all of the odds.. My brain and heart pushing and trying to back off. I toss and turn at night and often I scoff. As I sleep the thought swirls around see, I can't help myself, his presence  is astounding. I try to let go, but I want him around me. I want him to sit around and play with my hair, and to run around singing in my underwear listening to music tastes that we both share, smoking and relaxing, traveling everywhere. I could sit here and write down all of my dreams about this magic man that satisfies me, but that wouldn't effect a bit of this predicament... I'm thinking in circles and I am so sick of it. I don't want to hurt anyone but myself so I'll write these thoughts down to put them up on a shelf where no one will read them and no one can see the darkest and evil, aching parts of me. I can wonder all of the time and wish as I may but at the end of the day, my misery will stay.
Sad Girl Apr 2015
This is a story of a very loving girl who let her love take her all over the world. A man once convinced her that she was unworthy, and when he threw her out, she left in a hurry. She never looked back and scurried through the states until she found home at her families gates.
Once that man hurt her, she wanted to help others. She gave nothing but love and she nurtured as a mother. Some people accepted the love that she gave and they seemed to love her back so she decided to stay.
The girl fell in love with being loved and got carried away. She ran around experiencing love - every second, each day. Eventually she got herself into a pickle; her heart was strong but her mind, very fickle. She could never belong to only one because she felt she should be there for everyone. 
After all of the people that came and went, she never once forgot the time that was spent. The stories, those moments, the love that was shared; she gave out so much love that her heart became bare. She endured great amounts of emotional ware, with some physical injuries that gave doctors a scare. She became very careless with everyone soon and discarded them after they'd been in her bedroom.
Please don't be mislead, the ending is bad, it's another love story with an ending quite sad. After all of the loving and hurting was done, she took a step back to see what she'd become. Much to her dismay she was seemingly ****, for the lovers she loved once, had all come undone.
An ugly society, to which she'd finally succumb, molded her into the person from which all this begun. Who knows if you're reading or listening now, but she wants you to know what you've done. Take a bow.
*kd
Feb 2015 · 5.6k
Relapse
Sad Girl Feb 2015
"I'm better, I'm better." She lies to herself
as it hides tucked away, taped under her shelf.
"I am loved, I am loved." She convincingly yelped
as her vice hides away until she calls for help.
"I am strong! I am strong!" The poor girl carries on.
He's unhidden and waiting to come sliding along.
Drip, drip, drip. The girl's hand must have slipped
for her razor is laying, right there, where she sits.
*kd
Oct 2014 · 3.6k
Mess of me
Sad Girl Oct 2014
I always give in. I can express one thing to him and then act on another just because I don't want him to hurt or feel unwanted. I don't know what to do, I am constantly at war with myself. He is too sweet, I can be quite sour. Public displays of affection make me feel uncomfortable. I am just so weird and he is way too normal, he wants to call me baby. The moments become soiled and I start to recoil.  He treats me like his girlfriend and I just want to be his friend. He wants to settle down, I want to ***** around. He wants to hold my hand and I want him to hold my throat. I try to tell him that we are not right, but I look at his face and see his pain and loneliness- my heart breaks for him every time. He tries to hold me tight and I am often out of fight. What ever am I going to do? I've let love make a mess of me.
Jul 2014 · 5.7k
Sexual healing
Sad Girl Jul 2014
Didn't even have ***.
He used merely his hands
and I felt my body sinking
into quick sand.

It usually feels good, almost never feels right. However; this wasn't the case that night. It felt so good that it gave me a fright and although it was wrong,
It still felt very right.

He had my insides twisted and my legs shaking and in that moment I felt my heart un-breaking.

****** healing is really a thing,
Bonding physically
with your spiritual being.
I'll remember the feeling,
The peace that it brings,
I felt just as much release as
I do when I sing.
*kd
Jul 2014 · 5.6k
That girl
Sad Girl Jul 2014
"Love me," she whispers.
"Love me," louder as she grabs at them.
"Love me," she cries.
Again and again, night after night.
Hit after hit, high after high.
Tear after tear and guy after guy.
Never once satisfied.
Sitting home alone, she cries.

Easy to judge her.
"No one will love her."
Bitter words from hateful mouths.
Oh so needy, "please just love me"
All she cries as you lay her down.

No love for that girl.
Give her a quick whirl,
Then we pass her to the next.
She hates everyone, mad at the world.
Wanders around with her head so vex.

Hard to understand her,
Easy to demand her,
"Do this! Do that!"
As she will.

Everyone watches and waits for the time bomb, everyone wants to see her fail. She's something to look at and something to speak of, without her, where is the thrill?

But what people don't notice, what they don't realize, is that she's hurting behind the pills.

Those cries aren't pleasure, they are pain. She's looking for something that drives her insane.

Searching for love in such a wrong place and can't even see it when it's in her face. It's never a search, really more of a chase. You can tell she's the girl when she's in that place.

The cries aren't from passion.
They are from confusion, but she'll make you ignore it, call it illusion.

She is that girl that no man understands, the girl who is fragile and always in wrong hands. The needy girl always searching for love, hoping that someone is hearing above.

She's sick and twisted and at other times sane, she bottles her pain as she hears them say her name. Never good news, but it's part of the fame. We all know this girl will always hang her head in shame.

Everyone has baggage, but this girl's is quite a lot.
People open her bags up and run once they see what she's got.

But I know this girl when I give it some thought,
we treat her so nasty and do it a lot. We aren't helping her, because it's nobody's problem. Someone has something we want, then we rob them. You have got to latch on to what you want in this life, whether it is wrong, or if it is right.

Remember that girl, by the end of the night. She won't make a fuss, she won't try to fight. She'll just keep moaning "love me" But really, who cares? You can see when you touch her she's not really there.

This story is troubling and very much true, but this girl is me.
What if she was you?

*kd
Jun 2014 · 3.2k
How did I get back here?
Sad Girl Jun 2014
This place is dark, familiar, cold.  I know, I know, this story is old. I've loved you, lost you, let you go. Still you haunt me even so. I'll never love another soul, the way that I loved you, as I'm told. Every love is that of it's own and even as I'm left alone, I feel myself quite overthrown. Chaotic oceans of scattered emotions that I have yet to put in place. You've stripped me of a chance for closure and thrown it in my face. Abused and used, abandoned, confused my heart begins to race. I try to please you, even ease you; however not the case. I just want a chance to end things right, to say goodbye without a fight. I want to wish you well in life and make sure that we're both alright. We were once good friends and that I miss, but nothing hurts more than being dismissed. How did I get back here? I couldn't resist, although anything is better than feeling like this.

kd
Mar 2014 · 5.0k
My Punishment for Loving You
Sad Girl Mar 2014
So many dreams of you at night,
so many words that which I could write.

I've loved you once, I've loved you twice.
Love was the feeling, but my actions never right.

I went about things in all of the wrong ways.
My behavior punished you, each and every day.

I’d like to apologize to you, if I may.
I know you’ll never listen, much to my dismay.

Your life will continue and in love with you I’ll stay,
regretting my decisions as I watch you walk away.

I can fasten on a smile and live my life in vain;
though, no matter what I do, in love I still remain.
*kd
Sad Girl Feb 2014
I had a dream that we made up.
We were happy and so in love.
I had a dream that we'd made up,
but that was just a dream.

I had a dream that I was happy,
it was cute and intriguingly sappy.
Had a dream that once you had me
in the best of ways.

I had a dream that we made up,
the best dream ever, but I woke up.
**KD
Feb 2014 · 2.4k
Eating at me
Sad Girl Feb 2014
Look inside myself
to find
what is decaying me,
rotting me,
eating at my soul.

Rid myself of it.
Rip it from it's home
where it has become
so comfortably warm.

But once I find it;
rationalize with
whatever it may be.

Once I know
what hides within me;
if I let it go,
I'll surely feel worn
and even without it
I'll always be torn.

*k.d.
Feb 2014 · 2.2k
This Crazy Cycle
Sad Girl Feb 2014
I don't think that they know how crazy I really am, how sad I really am, how permanent my loneliness is, how dead I feel I am to them. How little, I feel, I belong and how long this has been going on. I create these problems in my head and eventually I wish I were dead. No silence, no peace. Never for me. The cycle just continuously repeats.  
*k.d.
Feb 2014 · 2.2k
Too Visible
Sad Girl Feb 2014
I want to learn to be the girl that is so numb, that she can forget her past and move along as though nothing has ever happened to her in life. Just a clean slate; passing through life. Taking each day as it comes with no memories and no preconceived notions about the world and the people that occupy it. The girl too careless to react or over-react. The girl so uninvolved that she dare not take chances and risk ******* things up. The girl that is just there, un-noticed. Then I could play the part of someone that others can get used to having around. Then I could be content with myself.

k.d.
Jan 2014 · 4.1k
Overdoing the act of being
Sad Girl Jan 2014
I haven't left my house or showered or been outside or opened my blinds in a week and a half. I feel like a limp noodle, I have no motivation to do anything. I haven't been to work and I have canceled counseling twice. I feel ill if my mother tries to make me eat more than once a day. I wonder if anyone notices what's happening to me. I wonder if anyone knows the pain gnawing at my heart and causing this lump in my throat. I wonder if they care.

Every little thing is hurting me. The way that others think of me, the way they speak of me, the way they ignore me, the way they treat me. Everything is just there in my head, swirling around over and over. How needy I am, how annoying I am, how I can't control my drinking, how over-emotional and dramatic I am.

I wonder if anyone knows why the things that they say and think and feel about me effect me so much. Because it's me that they don't like. It's me that they're insulting. You can ask me to change and I can act different, but it's still me. I deal with it every day. I feel every emotion to the very bottom of me. There's no reaction that I act out that doesn't express exactly how I am feeling. My emotions run deep to the core of me. If they say that I am too much, I simply am. That is me, exactly. I can't bare myself at times; Imagine being me every day.

So why not just love me and accept me for being so entirely honest and so real. I'm something hard to fathom, I understand, but all I am is all I ever were and all that I can be. I have masked myself for everyone "I'm fine. I'm always fine." Don't let me deceive you, it's my favorite line. Inside I am crying, inside I am dying and on the outside I'm lying. Understand this; My tears are all dried up and I have ****** back into myself to please you. I am trying so hard to provide the silence that you have requested; so don't ask me why I've disappeared. Don't ask me why I am wasting my life away in a 'cave'. Don't ask me why I won't come out. Don't ask me why I won't speak or smile or cry or yell. Don't ask me why I am lacking emotion. Notice, but don't ask.

I will tell you once again. There is nothing that I feel that does not entirely devour me. Nothing that I feel that doesn't consume my every thought and every second of my existence. You told me to be silent. You asked me to stop feeling the way that I do. So I have emptied myself, to the bottom of me, just to please all of you.

k.d.
Nov 2013 · 2.6k
A letter of gratitude
Sad Girl Nov 2013
Wasting my love was only half of the fun,

but to waste it on you made me a fortunate one.

You taught me that love was never enough,

you taught me to lie and how to be tough.

You taught me that *** is better when it's rough,

because then when you hurt me it's mutual gruff.

When I lay my head on my pillow at night,

I remember how weak I was during our fights.

Because you never loved me and you never cared;

though if I knew this then, my skin might be bare.

After hurting myself, whilst you hurt me too,

I remember today - I am strong - so thank you.

                                                           ­    k.d.
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