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Sachie Jan 1
There were days and nights where I felt so alone.

Maybe it's in the way of how I covered myself in a blanket as I looked into the eyes of my pillows saying,
"Yes, you are my only company".
Tears were the ocean I swam every night to teach myself not to drown in pouring sadness.
The deafening silence screamed at my loud brain to do something. My brain didn't respond.
It held me hostage.
It kept my eyes on the silver pen.
My arms were a robot to the pain.
My skin was an art of havoc.
My blood was the tear of my laughing loneliness.
I took the pen, the voice of my thoughts, and hid it to its hiding place.
The tears that came from both me and my loneliness already stopped.

"Your words used to be my company,"
I told myself as I looked at my art.
Sachie Jan 1
I promised myself to write something about you but when I looked into the windows of your soul, I saw the universe crashing, stars exploding, galaxies colliding. I saw beauty... and a light feeling of unfathomable ecstasy. Blinding and slowly fading, mesmerizing yet menacing, fleeting but forever alluring.
And I realized that you are as beautiful as your soul.

Distracted, I promised myself to write something about you. I took a pen so I get to remember every fragments of my broken thoughts. But with each ****** of it, as I write the words into existence, as it gets out of my system, now existing but meaningless, I remember you. Existing and meaningful.

In the midst of my captivity, I regained my sanity. Distracted again, I promised myself to write something about you. I typed and clicked my thoughts into the computer. But the caret was like a swinging watch hypnotising me to ruminate on your images. Smiles like a monlight of laughter, eyes lifeless as coins, hair thick and coarse like dune grass, montage of everything you cannot give and a list of reasons why I promised myself to write something about you.

And for the last time, I promised myself to write something about you... and I did.
Sachie Jan 1
You were the universe.
A vast region unknown to me.
A bright place of loneliness.
A hope filled area of oblivion who made me feel like I was the only star in its galaxy.

I saw all the stars that surrounded you. Dead light kisses, hot ball of gazes, plasma filled temptation. I closed my eyes and wished I was a planet.

You know, The Fermi Paradox says that a civilization cannot overcome its current state because of The Great Filter.

So when you gave me those heartaches and you kissed me with broken promises, baby, I knew from then that you were The Great Filter and I was the civilization who cannot move on.

In your galaxy-like heart, you were the sun.
She was Mercury and I was Neptune.
She was hot. I was colder than snow.
She was small and everything you've ever wanted. I was big and distant. Disconnected and alone.

So I understood when you gave her the heat I needed in my coldest days.

The universe is filled with dynamically evolving things that are unfathomable to me.
A roaming blackhole that ***** feelings deep into the void
Hungry for validation, for affection, for attention. You consumed me.

Placed into nothingness, filled with grieve and loss, I deteriorated.

Lights flickering, slowly burning out, I smiled. I looked at the planets and stars inside the galaxy you've created.

"My brightness was the factor of how much effort I put in but I will never be enough to light your expanding universe."
Sachie Jan 1
Color is the property possessed by an object as a result of the way the object reflects or emits light. That's what google says.

Color is a prison. A lost, forgotten feeling inside a light. A hue that hides thousands of pain and happiness. A representation of untold stories driven by electro magnetic waves.

First, you gave me green. Green was your way of changing my surviving into living. A way to make me think that life was actually good because I have you. You and your grass-like hair. You and your tree-like body. You and your nature-like ambiance. You and your words. You and your life. You and your green's, a symbol of life. My symbol of life.

Then, you gave me red. Red was your way of telling you love me. A way to make me hold your love, your hatred, your pain, your suffering, your thoughts, that was red. So when I started seeing red in your eyes and you started giving me red in my arms, I know you love me. I supposed you love me. Maybe you love me. I hope you really loved me.

Next was the unexpected. You gave me yellow. Yellow was your way of keeping my anxiety off of me. A way to divert my attention for all the lies that I almost found out. A yellowness for the escape you've made, for all the responsibility I deemed you were responsible for. Yellow... for the promises you've broken.

After that, you gave me gray. Your indecisiveness. Your reluctance. Your doubts. You gave me those in-between's, those, "Aren't you happy?" those, "I am not ready". Those confusing unsure thoughts that held me captive for what felt like eternity. I was in prison.

Finally, you gave me black. An absence of every color. A way of you saying good bye to all the light you've given me from all our journey. No light means no color. No color means black. Black means hopelessness. Black means stop. Black means I'm done.

You've given me prison when all I knew was blue and your black was the key.

Little did I know that you were a chameleon on the hunt for its prey. You blend in with my ideals to give me the satisfaction that I want and I was a willing victim for you to prey on.
Sachie Jan 1
tomorrow is not promised
so today, i tell you this:

when you’re about to die, try to feel something
try to feel how your heart beats the first time you saw him smile
try to feel how his hands felt latched in yours
try to feel the blade dive deep into your flesh
remember how every blood trickles down your arms

tomorrow is not promised
so today, i tell you this:

i painted the world a cloudy shade of black
i never knew people would turn dark as well
i just wanted to see you glow in its shade
but the hope dims along with you

tomorrow is not promised
so today, i tell you this:

i will never know when will constellations align perfectly still
but i know for sure that the universe isn’t forgiving to let me see that
we all look up only to see the moon
we all fall in the same place the gravity pulls us to

tomorrow is not promised
so today, i tell you this:

after you read this, i am not gonna live much longer
your presence delayed the inevitable doom
your existence gave me hope

i am an explosions of galaxies
and you were untouched from it
i am returning my borrowed time today
but the universe isn’t forgiving
so i hope you forgive me as my life slowly drifts away

tomorrow is not promised, because today i’ll **** myself.

— The End —