It's a nightmare of a journey
Through the rose hills.
White roses cover Death
Along side the 50mph ride.
We'll speed down the boulevard
Turning right, swerving left.
Drink some beer on Broadway,
Smoke some cigarettes at CVS.
Then I'll fill your heart with rose petals
Grin and whisper gently
I'll met you in Whittier at Sunset.
Lets muddle through Greenleaf
Under a cerulean sky.
I got lost in the time in your eyes.
I stumble back to only trip into your disguise.
Only to drown in your lips and lies.
Dragging our souls to Hellmans and back,
I'll find you on Hadley letting the sun in
Wilted in Whittier at sunset.
I took off my shoes and left the house.
I stood under the stars, under a thousand planets
And a million other galaxies.
I stayed silent as a billion glitter specks fell upon me.
They say it's just my heart that needs to breathe.
I left my shoes in the middle of street and traded my tears for a beer.
I stared at a ceiling that was covered in plastic stars and cob webs.
Teary eyed by every moment that had just became my past
I turned to rest my head.
To my surprise I found my heart beside my bed.
I put on my shoes and packed my final bags.
I wrapped up my memories and stumbled upon a few regrets.
I threw out old fights and found that song you wrote once with a lovers breath.
I took the empty beer can to the trash.
I grabbed my hystrical and useless heart
And I drove off into the sunset
Like a nightmare that you can't forget.
White light, white dress.
White line, white mess.
Royal blood, royal taste,
waiting around to be betrayed.
Isis comes to down to me,
she brings her heart full of greed.
Isis comes down to fallow me
off to the blue noise cast at sea.
London dreams and London flings.
my London heart on my Los Angeles sleeve.
Red hearts and red fate,
I've seen the lonely souls from every state.
Lovely Isis shines so bright
wallowing around in all her plight.
Lovely Isis sings all night,
Misty songs of losing fights.
I called her a witch, I started the hunt.
My lovely Isis, don't you run.
Empathy is a disease.
It's a mirror that you always look into.
It is the situation that you are inherently bound to.
Empathy is asking for spare change on the corner of a street.
Empathy keeps you dedicated
Like a nun in it for the pearly gates.
It stamps a scar on your heart that can turn to hate.
Empathy is the cheapest coffin in the whole place.
Empathy encourages that charitable sorrow
That plagues the psyche with a bittersweet notion
Of unbearable understanding and sympathy.
Empathy is all alone, drinking wine and watching WWIII on the t. v.
"Don't wake up a woman in love. Let her dream, so that she does not weep when she returns to her bitter reality"
— Mark Twain*
You sue me for the kinds of things that bug you
Sitting around and drinking the kinds of beer that please you
The world is on fire and it does not phase you
This is so wrong, why do you feel so right
I don't think I love you anymore.
To many beers and tears.
And you're right all the time
And everything is yours.
Do what you want
What a beautiful man you are
In your eyes I once saw the world
But your wrong and I am right.
Use your strong hand to cause my life plight.
Smash the windows baby-doll
If it makes you feel alright.
Babygirl, you look so pristine.
Like a Grecian butterfly
You take the only soul within me.
Your love turns my skin aquamarine.
Every poem you sing
Makes it hard for me to breathe.
I yearn for your liver-mortis kiss.
Only Death himself can make feel like this.
Only putrefaction can be a final bliss.
But I'll linger and haunt till you believe
Every hug and kiss turns my skin aquamarine.
I'm pretty sure I can feel you're lips
Like a thousands mile per hour kiss.
The air I touch feels like your skin.
And I swear I think I can hear you whisper my name.
I can feel the snow that you're driving through
And the burn from the frozen wind is scalding my skin.
Any second you will walk through our door.
Any minute you'll grab me and throw me against the wall.
I love to see you smile.
in you're eyes I can see everything.
The future twinkles and I'm always in a daze.
I'm always in a daydream.
The butterflys are eating me from within.
I need to stop and remember to breathe.
You're my dream.
I can feel it in me. I can, I swear I can.
I will disturb the universe.
I will cross mountains
I will burn trees
I will go to you and fight everything.
Everything will be dark and beautiful.
Every day will be unforgettable.
Every fight will be enjoyable.
Every hug so meaningful
Every moment we'll be useful.
I can't wait any longer.
I can't eat.
I love you.
I am color blind.
I see dead people that look alive.
I see a dream
That’s deeper than an ocean.
I see kids playing while they still can.
Before that American dream
destroys their youth and
Crushes their soul.
Before they become anti-social
And afraid to jump,
Afraid to take a chance.
I see the youth being told
That the world is scary,
Everyone wants to **** you
Or steal you,
And drill you,
Break your heart,
"You’re not that smart".
I see the kids while they are still kids.
I hear California dreams.
A living obnoxious lullaby,
A living nightmare
That is shared by you and me,
And we wait for the change
That is only found within one another.
We wait for someone to save us
From the nightmare that has become a pester
And a seamlessly ever lasting fear.
So, please dear, just for me,
Just do it.
You’re gonna regret and forget it anyway.
Both are bound to happen.
I forget a lot of things I regret
It’s all irrelevant to the time and the position of the sun.
It depends on our mood.
It takes shape from our experiences
And our darkest secrets.
My secrets are pearl white.
The soft grey wave
is trickling in over the
Rose Hill that never
Bows, scowls, weeps or thinks.
Never sinks, never drowns or howls.
I see you weeping at her feet.
You move over her and blanket
The Rose Hill stays bold.
And the cold is nothing new to her.
Soft and grey, it crashes down.
Flooding her feet. Fickled and
Tampered, soft and grey , it recedes.
Rose, you are blushing.
It is all in your breast.
Death is in your chest and you bare it,
and lock it.
Corp cells circulate with mad cells
in your mad house breast.
Soft and grey it passes.
All that is left is a sky blue grin.
The Old witch,
She howls at a moon
that don't shine down.
With silver rings
And magic things
She can't live down.
She sits in her room
"I'm to young to be this old"
I love the words
That drip from your lips.
Baby cheeks that weep
Lips at my feet
Red light kiss
It's you I miss.
At one time I offered charity
to the asking lip.
My husband on his knees
asking me to forgive.
If I had gotten away
with a string of pearls,
then I might know where to step
in this revolving world.
Plastic lips ask for charity.
Plastic lips tell lies.
The asking lips beg
for my charity and time.
But I find it hard to forget
all the time I wasted.
All the charity I gave away
to people I now hated.
Asking lips pass me by.
Whispers to me about love
and more asking lies.
I want my husband on his knees
begging me to forgive
begging for my charity
with his plastic lip.
We are mad as birds, in love in a dark home.
I wished I could be you.
In the drunken daze of submission with aggression,
in the Nicaraguan touch that has turned blue.
Touched by the cold trained tongue that you have become.
Both of us not right in the head.
Both of us not quite ready for bed.
You sit high on your thrown these days.
I weep for apologies at your feet and
I wish for months for your gilded heart
To take some time and remember me.
I remember in the beginning you were not so mean.
Both of us have made our bed
Both of us will die in it.
“She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.”
- Sylvia Plath*
The evening is so dull.
Too many plain words can describe this night.
I think I just might become her or she
Might already be a part of me.
My eyes crawl over her perfected letters.
Together, they all read so divine.
She is so divine it affects me.
Divinity swells my eyes.
I should care more about tonight.
A night like this will never come again.
In heaven I will be dreaming about this night
As I squalor in gods light.In hell it will be my happy place
As the fire blisters swell.
As the devil hovers over my made bed.
While his demon breath caresses my neck.
I can hear words.
Coming in from the west and settling
******* my chest.They weigh my heart down.
Tonight is heavy.
Tonight is the only night.
You roar above me,
You roar beside me.
How loyal are we?
Dance through a starry
Night. Speeding down roads,
You must feel just right.
We ride all night. Wind
Hair, tornado trips,
And wanton dreams, wan-
Ton life, you and I.
You make it look so clean
It looks so good
That I wish I could.
But you look so high,
I wanna try it twice.
You look so mean,
I wish we could get clean.
I close my eyes
and now your walking by.
And you look so good
I wish I could.
When he looks at me
realization of a color coded sea.
And I feel so high.
Someday I'll make you mine.
We look so neat,
I wish we could be clean
Words are ****.
I love words.
If you were a word I'd marry you.
I'd write you over and over and have *** with you.
Ill use my tongue a lot because that's what **** words like.
They like to roll against my tounge like a french kiss.
French words don't roll off my tongue.
The English words have run a muck.
I have this whole world that I want to share.
It doesn't sound like a lullaby but
Sometimes it feels like one.
Sometimes the sun sets at the perfect time and
Dawn begins to look like a rusty image of color.
It begins to set in and dissolve.
It pix-elates and creates an overdose that
Flat-lines and shapes the figures that come my way.
You make me shift with every move you make.
There is something about the darkness that alleviates.
Something in the way you talk that makes my breath palpitate.
There is something in the air
And its setting across our universal states.
Dust seeps down on the miles that we found
Between us, I cant settle down now that it is dawn.
I want the drunken and drugged Queen's crown.
I want everything that is wrong,
Everyone that is alone singing this lullaby song,
I want every black tear that tears from that witch's heart.
I want a dry dreary summer to settle into and forget
Every bad dream, sad song, primal love, and every instinctual cheap bet.
8th November, 2013
Now that the night has arrived
It feels right to glide into it.
To give up the fight
And the daily draining
Of my soul into the sun.
It seems right to hear the cars
Florescent lights as a gentle sight.
The twinkle, glitter of the sky
And the breathe that is not quite a sigh.
The bushes sway right to left
While the wind works like a caress.
It kisses and commands everything it interacts with.
And everything around it works with it.
And everyone here likes to go with the flow of this life.
There he is,waiting and
Watching the storm come in.
The clouds roll in like tumble weeds.
Thunder rocks the muddy banks,
While Wishkah lives
With its live scene.
There he is.
Uninviting to the casual passerby.
Appealing to the trained lady eye.
His situation is easy to fall into.
You will slip into the abyss,
Where everything is black and
The voices in your head become real.
He will peal the pale off your skin,
Pick you up and force you in.
Force you down and lie you flat.
Scrapes off lies from you lips.
Scalpel to cheek, he takes you in.
The blur sets in
And there he is.
The final howling begins.
The thunder meets the wind.
In detox, feeling like a small man.
He drops you into a crate box.
This race just moves around,
Ignorant to the problem
That will be their doom.
Like Atlantis they will all drown.
And if they swim, in time they will dry out.
Legends will die.
Rivers and lakes barren and dried.
Time will destroy everything.
And all the experience held in your eye,
Will be meaningless in due time.
The purest realist will gladly tell you,
That everything must end.
All great lovers will part.
Even the strongest bonds split in two,
And all our mothers will one day bid us adieu.
Mozart's Requiem hymn,
Locked in the memory of those,
Cursed forever to sleep.
Only a careless man can grin,
and smirk at the consequence of progressive sin.
But the attentive,
grow restless and fear the future.
They want to take hold,
And change their destiny
In hopes to keep a singing history.
There is a man in my class who looks like you.
His skin is like skim milk,
His voice projects across the room when he speaks.
He knows everyone in class but sits alone.
There is a woman in my class who daydreams.
Once the talking head begins to speak she flees.
Her gaze is connected to a tiny pale desk,
That she secretly hates.
At the head of the classroom is where the Doctor sits.
Sometimes he parades by speaking of Mandeville and bees.
His eyes snow down from time to time,
A gentle two second glimpse of the cotton covered ****.
I sit in the seventh row out of eight.
The eighth seat back out of eight.
I am on the third floor out of four.
One foot in the classroom and one foot out the door.
All I have are these books to read.
Now that my skin had shed,I'm letting my thoughts flee.
I'm letting it bleed.
There’s something evil,
it lives inside me.
But the lord knows I cannot be saved.
I lived my whole life free,
All my actions were untamed.
I lived unloved,And forgotten.
I walk this earth
Pretty but rotten.
I’m the one feeling it in my chords,
Sticking it in my guns,
Breathing it inside my lungs.
Ill have to take the long road tomorrow,
And no one will remember me.
And Ill forget all this sorrow.
Oh these roads feel so sweet.
Lord knows I can not change,
Ill walk this round earth,
I will always be the same.
Trading my chances for a bad thing.
I take him and drain him.
I put myself out clean.
We don't say much.
But we know each others words
and we both have a way with them.
Silence doesn't say much,
Yet its presence is deep felt.
We'll meet at the end of the street
In the dark shadows covered by aging leaves
And studded by light aged stars.
You remind me that we were their dust.
That we will become someone else's dust.
I didn't say much.
But we both know what will come next.
The words don't mean much.
We both have a way with them.
It's this feeling that is drilling
Calling me to come
And i hear it loud.
It rings to me
It sings to me.
It doesn't see
and the complication
of these feeling and
where you and me
end up- near a street.
No one will help you burn the sorrow from your eyes.
No one helped me polish up this bottle of wine.
The days are trivial,
but I feel fine.
Dad said a man doesn't love a woman who whines.
I never wanted a man to love me anyway.
God forbid if he is trivial,
I have enough in my day.
I guess I just don't care about anything you say.
I will always stay with my old ways.
They ask me to change,
But I will always be the same.
And we all play a greater game.
Crawling to the top for that royal blue cape.
Everyone wants to be the best.
I just want a perfect dress.
Someone else can clean this mess.
Someone else will give me the answers to this test.
Mom said not to cry because it is the end of a pretty girl.
So I keep my tears caged along with bad memories and awful moments of my time spent in this word.
The sorrow burns into my eyes,
And my days are still trivial.
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. It goes on. " - Robert Frost*
I have grown old, but never grown cold.
My pessimist Egyptian eyes never overthrown
Or disrobed my optimistic heart.
I was born under a bad moon
And held in the arms of a child-wife.
Thick or thin,
Holy or sin,
Dog-days, I took them all in.
Now it is time for me to venture to the unknown
where no mind has had a chance to tell of.
Soon I will go out with the tide.
They weep and pray for my soul.
"OH! I just don't know!" they wail.
I know the children still play,
The birds still sing and the bombs still fall.
The flower still blooms
And the wind will still howl.
London will still have a Queen
And I know you will still breathe.
Thick or thin, holy or sin,
I know you can take in.
I will not look back when I cross the bar.
I know I do not have to.
What if I told you that I love you to death?
That I'm dying, baby, because this isn't it.
I'm giving up because you were not it
But I treated you like you were.
I threw my hands up for you
I let you across the river that cripples my own journey.
I let you lie next to me.
I let every word mean the world to me.
I let every lie comfort me.
And now all I do is cry because I can't believe it.
I can't believe how the weather changed.
I can't believe how cold it is.
I can't hear you but I see you.
I see you moving along
Moving on with the crowd that passes me by.
Waking across the dirt where I reside.
I see you pass me by without a second glance.
I was the only one who gave you a tenth chance!
And now I'm the only one I have.
Now there are multiple paths but I'm afraid.
I'm terrified because there are different heart breaks before me and I have to choose one.
I have choose a different way to die.
I have to wake up and breathe and pretend that nothing makes me cry.
I have to pretend that other things matter more
And the more I think about it
The more I realize that I've been dying.
I've been crying
I've been to hell
I've been alone
I've been apologizing.
I've been waking as if i have somewhere to go.
As if there were someone waiting for me at home.
But I put key in the the door
Only to swing it open
And find a ghost.
I find it haunting because I can hear your heart beating
But it's just noise to me.
If this ain't from the heart than nothing else is.
I am a condition.
I am a state.
I am a situation.
I am especially an Un-
I am a nightmare covered in dreams.
Covered in misty fantasies
And black leather sleeves.
Wild eyed, wild cries,
Try not to slip into the black abyss of demise,
Into the primitive kiss and grey of my eyes.
Sometimes I drown in the drip drip drop of my empty lies.
Sky diving into an empty dream.
Sometimes on cold autumn nights I like to venture into a familiar deja vu.
Suddenly I remember you.
You, who comes with familiar smiles and a familiar tongue.
He comes sorrow and suffer
And I remember to tip toe back into a fantasy.
Sometimes I voluntarly stroll into a recurring theme.
I wonder and weep
I can't sleep.
These daydreams feed me desire and I'm full of it.
I weary and all I want to do is flee.
The words whispered during the early morning.
The sentences screamed "JUSTICE!" whiles
the broken eyes were hung from a branch.
Friendship knows no evil and has no fear.
it crawls on glass, it waits in the meadows,
it waits for the perfect attack.
It had to be said and it had to be said to you.
I can feel the tip of your word knife against my heart.
I harden as it deepens.
It depends if i even care.
It depends on the mood that i squalor in.
It depends on me, this situation.
And it deepens and deepens.
What are you screaming my name for?
You know I don't feel right.
Don't wanna go out tonight.
So why don't we move on?
While the sun is still young.
My friends they are gone.
I'll meet up with them
When the sun is gone.
These days are too long.
And when the stars sway
I guess I'll see you some other day.
Why are you saying my name wrong?
I thought we were just fine
Turns out it was a big lie.
So why don't I move on?
While we are still young.
Since all my friends are gone.
I'll find some other ones
You know it feels like a silent picture show now.
I see your lips moving but the sound does not come out.
My feet feel like walking but I'm sulking in this abyss.
Oh no, Doll, you lost what you once had.
Forget what I just said about that.
Cat eyes catch you lips.
The darkest, coldest, fever glimpse.
Cross your heart and go die
Don't you touch me, do not try.
Go catch a *** and don't come home
Because there is nothing sweet about being alone.
I got a match and I got your clothes
The things I've seen no one knows.
I never said a word about you, no.
But I'm worn down, sick, and full of loopholes.
I'm going to need you to approach me like a secret.
With whisper footsteps and mysterious hands that touch like a cloud about to drop its first rain.
Or come at me like train while I have my headphones on walking along the tracks.
Impale me just like that.
If there were an in between then that's where you would truly find me.
In between the rose petals of my thoughts.
Scented like a candy dream with crazy diamond eyes.
Crimson lips that whisper " you can trust me with your lies ".
One year it was too much.
I got down on my knees,
"Oh lord won't you please,
Make the second year a little more fun?"
I caught you in my bed
So why are my hands red?
What in the world are you running from?
You had a bad day and now you're on the run.
And nobody told you that love wasn't fun.
Suddenly you don't give a ****.
Here we are again.
A million thoughts rush my head.
Everything is the same,
Just another day.
And you'll never change.
You will always be the same.
Yea, that ride was fun but honey
I've had enough.
Why in the world am I staying for?
You did it again and you did it before.
And nobody told me that love wasn't fun.
Suddenly I don't give ****.
Suddenly you don't give a ****.
Suddenly no one gives a ****.
Don't dream about summer
In the winter.
The Fall wasn't that bad.
But now the Spring
Do not give a procrastinator
Time, ever -they will never use it.
I love him. I really do.
I would let him hate me if he wanted to.
I’ll let him take her if he could.
We're both bad.
We've seen the devil and asked if we can have this dance with a smile.
Looking back at my life on the streets, the life that never left me.
Fist fights and blood, oldies and guns.
You seem to know me.
You look like me.
You traveled through a secret life that I want to unlock.
You took the other road to walk.
But when you talk your words sound like my memories.
You sound like you know low down *****
You sound like your calling them out.
Call me and tell me all about it.
I'll tell you all about it when I see you.
Stories about sleeping on floors,
Crying in front of shutting doors,
Beating a homie to the floor
For touching my body because we know it's yours.
Tell me about your hell.
And I'll let you into mine.
Tell your story with some heart
And I'll give you mine.
When I woke up I did not remember dreaming.
I did not feel defeated by the rising of sun and
Everything that it encompasses in second.
I ate a lonely breakfast and reflected.
In a day,
I am the person who chooses misery over dispute.
Openly accepting each movement and action I meet.
Not once have I pushed against the grain in vain.
I made my coffee and drank it in peace.
I get lost in an infinite timeless thought.
I come face to face with inevitability and its sisters.
Bravely I encompass every thought and feeling
That is placed inconveniently in front of me.
I have become a stone wall against the storm.
I have learned to live with everything I see
And soon my voice will be a whisper in the wind.
Soon, I will be deterred and I will rise high
And then come down on it all
So very, very hard.
12th October, 2013
comes down so fast.
Wanting all her high.
Lying in the sun, she basks.
Oh, she was once the girl
Who hated this world.
Taking all the books,
Ripping all their covers off.
Now she takes it as it comes.
All as they are.
She "is" but not for long.
Very old. No date available. Estimate 2004-2006
I don't understand myself anymore because of you.
I feel beautiful and ugly when I'm with you.
Every sound is louder
And every touch is heavy.
I don't know what to do with myself
Because I can this voice telling me to be cautious.
I don't know where I'm going in life.
And because of you I think about that.
That, hangs out in my mind tied to a knot.
It sways me back and forth
Empty and lifeless.
That thought feels like nine panic attacks.
It makes me sick.
And you make me want to forget about it all
Run to the hills
And disappear into the deep end of the deep dark woods.
You make me want to run a thousands miles
And sky dive off a cliff.
You make me want sit back and let it happen.
Just to see what happens.
But, you know, I already know what happens.
I'll let you blow my brains out.
You can be my calm before the storm.
You're my tornado.
I'm the eye in the center of your storm.
We are in a single room.
Lying in a coffin made for Two.
My God, please scoot over.
There is not enough room.
If there was any way to be
Oh, I would wrap my arms around you
I'd kiss your feet.
If there was a reason to look into your eyes
But they're cold, they're dark, they're empty
You're plainly blind.
You can see the trees and a breeze.
But when I'm standing right in front of you
You can't see me.
And we're old rain falling to the ground.
The rain is meaningless, don't make a sound.
I think that I am at my last wits.
Oh, I fought the battles and now I will give in.
And we'll go our separate ways and say
"I loved you once and one day it ain't the same"
And we'll meet in hell or some place.
I ask "how did you get here? It wasn't grace"
"Oh, I killed myself yesterday.
I was cold, dark, and angry, there was no other way"
I remember when we were once in love.
You told me about all the above.
And now those lies they sink like a ship.
My heart is cold and angry from what you've done to it.
If there was any way to be
Oh- I'd wrap my self around you
I'd lick your feet.
But those days are gone and over
I must move on.
but the pain it settles
It last so long.
Some years ago I fell off a cliff.
Somewhere between the mazes of memory and thought
I have lost my mind in time.
I have lost pieces of my soul in the moments of my life that provided the bricks that made up a skeptical foundation in my heart.
Layered in an angry mortar the emotional bricks settled into the walls that make up the fortress that surrounds my heart.
The cracks that riddle my skull are a specialized Victorian texture technique- I wonder if you can afford it?
The clocks on my walls are tired and my curtains are tattered.
Over time my fortress has withered.
I watch it morph its shape in the mirror day by day.
I watch the laugh lines settle around my frown.
Day after day,
The mirror inhales my youth.
My bed absorbs my tired weight.
And the dragon's head mounted on my door wards off the company.
In my next life
I hope that my soul ascends to another planet.
Because I am done with this one.
I hope to emerge in a new galaxy
with new sunsets that are tripled as they sit on the horizon
And are majestically colored.
I will leave all these trials and tribulations on earth in the Milkyway
And wake up in a different dimension of time where the era is tender, quiet, and sprinkled with magic.
How short should this poem be?
Should it be as long as Love and war
And sing about such wars that we fight in our head right before we thought we were going sleep instead?
Would these words on this paper be deeper than 1000 leagues under the sea?
Or will it read like an abyss of thoughts...
Can they be deeper than a dream?
I want to know if these words will transcend to another space or time.
Or will they drown in a cloud?
Only time will tell.
— The End —