you see the surface
but you can’t see beneath
you only see clear waters
but do you see the pain
and do you see grieve
do you see the roots of an emotional trauma
add suffering, torment, agony and add a comma
please, help me stop
help me heal
look beyond the surface
and try to see
all the woes i tend to conceal
listen to my silent screams
and the swollenness of my throat
through the late night tears
my soul is weary
and my sadness has caused me a wreak havoc
o how tragic
that the twinkle of my soft eyes
have dismally lost its magic
                                   -s.a

i guess it’s all hitting me now
the fact that this is it
the fact that i can no longer wait for you
the fact that this is over
the dreams ive had of you
of us
they were never true  
along the time i painted you a picture
that i wish i was able to still keep
the picture was all in colors
but you painted over it with grey
the picture was perfect
but now it’s fading
one thing i know though is that
you’ll look for me
you’ll look for me in all the other girls you meet
but you won’t be able to find me
you won’t be able to replace me
the love i had for you would’ve probably
healed you, it would’ve saved you
the way i laid my eyes on you
was something you could never do
i saw past all your flaws
when instead i should have
been looking at you for who you actually are
                                                  -s.a

the love i have for you  
will never turn to hate
but it sure will dissipate
over time i longed for you
and i waited
i prayed i dreamt
and i loved never hated
there’s nothing i haven’t done
but this is me
this is my time to finally leave
it’s time i move on
it’s time i wish well
to the very best
i never had
but from a far
even though i know
somewhere in the back of my mind
you’ll always be there
                                         -s.a

it’s a cycle,
all you seem to find is pain in every place you go
every person you meet
how can you see the light,
how can you smile
when all you feel is pain in the place
you’re supposed to feel the most safe
you no longer have the will to look for it there
so you look for it outside
you look for it in others
hoping to find there what you’ve long lost
you build homes inside of them
thinking they’ll stay & be there
then when they up & leave
you’re left lost..
so lost and confused
where did i go wrong?
what did i do?
is it them or is it you..
                                      -s.a

i’m  a raging sea
fighting the battles within me
you assume you know me
but all you really know
is what i allow you to see
and instead of understanding  
you choose to make assumptions
doomed by the surprises
i tend to reveal
look into my eyes
you’d see, the words
i dare not to speak

scars left from a previous lover
the absence of a family member
and an aching memory
of a dying friendship
scars left from self-harm
a breaking heart
and the thought of giving up
scars left from your childhood
from running freely in a play-ground
and scars left from sorrows
you are trying too hard to drown
they’re hidden deep
too deep for the eyes to see
wounds heal but they never disappear
you fall, you rise and you grow
but the scars that are left behind
is the proof of what you went through

                                                           s.a

there’s comfort in solitude
there’s peace

in solitude there’s no question of intentions
there’s satisfaction

there's knowing where you stand & where you don’t there’s calmness of oneself, its extravagant

sometimes you need to learn how to stand alone in order to have the strength to stand w others

there’s serenity in being in solitary and fully content  
not dependent on anybody

learn to stand alone so when you do
you stand tall
with a head held so high
going through it all
the rises & the falls  
                                              s.a