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Ruth Cardenas Sep 2015
I kissed your broken pieces
And I caressed your beautiful scars
In hopes that one day you would learn
To love your broken heart

I tried to sing you lullabies
When your demons stole you of sleep
But you didnt know I was the one
Who stayed up counting sheep

I listed each of your beauties
On a paper that had no end
And I held you in the darkest times
Even when I had started to bend

But you said to me one day
"What have you ever done for me"
You pushed me out the open door
And slammed it closed, to leave

It's funny how you couldn't see
How you sank deep inside the lies
Too distracted on things you did for me
That it ended up blinding your eyes
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
I'll take the salt from my tears
I'll pour them across your wounds
I know I didn't deserve this
So if I hurt, then you're hurting, too

I've given the wrong impression
So, I'm weak because I cried?  
I can break you in merely a second
And lack any remorse in my eyes

Did you think my whole life was over?
I'm so broken that I can't move on?
You're only a passing by hindrance
You're just one of the choices made wrong

So don't get me wrong, little player
You can't break me or make me crack
Take it from someone who's lived it
And had millions of knives in their back
Ruth Cardenas Dec 2016
You are perfect in my eyes
And I never really knew
How it felt to love someone
As beautiful as you

You somehow filled the emptiness
That lingered in my chest
Your laughter filled that hole inside
And your smile did the rest

My heart was never satisfied
Until I caught a glimpse of you
You glued me back together
From all the pain that I'd been through

I put my life on this
That the things I say are true
I've waited all my life for healing
I've waited all my life for you
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
You want the thought to go away
The little angel in your mind
You know you could have held her
Could have sung her lullabies

You could have cradled her to sleep
So tiny in your arms
So beautiful; extravagant
You would have kept her safe from harm

You could have kissed her little cheeks
Even rocked her when she cried
But now it's just a "could have"
And it keeps you up at night

But please don't blame yourself
You did what you had to do
The wound is new, but I promise in time
You will have forgiven you
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2018
My walls will fall for no one
I will never let them in
They can beg until their knees bruise
Til the teardrops stain their skin

Person after person
Only empty promises
But this time I know better
Than to give my all, again

Why has love become a weakness
Trust is no longer a friend
Wounds that formed while i was broken
Never got the time to mend

Love is now my enemy
Hurting every tired bone
But now I'm just a hardened heart
And better off alone
Ruth Cardenas Jun 2015
I Loved you with a fire
One that left it hard to breathe
One that took my oxygen
And stole the life right out of me

You made us picture perfect
And I didn't want to leave
But when fire meets tornado
All that's left is tragedy

You fixed my broken pieces
And you sewed my  ripped up heart
But the longer we kept going
The more I fell apart

I don't want to say goodbye
But there's not much I can do
Im sick of you hurting me
And I'm sick of me hurting you
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2018
I drove a knife straight through your heart
I know I've left you half alive
Just another broken soul
In the emptiness of life

You imagined you were safe
That I would never be the one
To bury every piece of you,
That I'd give up, and finally run

And it's painful for me too
To see such sad and lonely eyes
Just wanting someone else's touch
Just wanting someone by their side

I hope to see you heal
I hope that you can carry on
I pray that you'd forgive me
For the things that I did wrong
Ruth Cardenas Feb 10
What a shame you didn't notice it
Catching up to you
The remnants of a broken trust
Hadn't dissipated through

You swore you'd never cry again
That you wouldn't let those eyes
Lie to you, without remorse
They wouldn't get the chance to try

But along the way, you missed it
A crack within the wall
A tear laid on the seam
That you didn't catch at all

And now I'll watch you slip
Pity drowning out my mind
since you were doing it so perfectly
Holding everything, inside
Ruth Cardenas Aug 2018
This anxious mind keeps me awake
Can't close my eyes since I am afraid
A heavy feeling; can't carry the weight
Recurring tics slowly drive me insane

A clouded mind hinders my sight
Now second guessing what keeps me alive
The loneliest place constructed with time
Blades cut through my heart so I'm hollow inside
Ruth Cardenas Aug 2016
I saw you in my dream last night
You were sitting in a chair
I couldn't help but smile
Thinking you were really there

I saw you basking in the sunlight
And for that second I was fine
My heart sewn back together...
It filled that hole you left inside

But you slowly started fading
And I pleaded with my cries
But its okay... Since for a second
*You brought the spark back to my eyes
Ruth Cardenas May 10
I've watched you study Diamond lights
And of their beauty, you'd tell me
Wrapped entirely in your awe
Grateful you'd witnessed such beauty

For you, they sung their melodies
Like oceans' current passing by
And how would you forget
Such wonders witnessed by your eyes

I've kept a hidden melody
And I sing from time to time
To your ears, maybe a whisper
But a symphony, in mine

I've heard you speak of melodies
I've watched you study Diamond lights
How I've wished that you might see me too
But I could hardly climb that high
Ruth Cardenas Oct 2016
There are thoughts that hold me hostage.
Im imprisoned by my mind.
Menacing demons flaunt their voices.
And make my suffering eyes go blind.

I stare into my reflection.
What am I never satisfied?
When all of those around me
Say Im beautiful in their eyes.

I seem to have this unsolved problem.
These demons tear me down.
I do my best to try and fight them.
But I fall straight to the ground.

I want to be like them...
so perfect is what I thought.
But the worst thing I can do to me
Is be someone that *Im not
Love yourself...
Ruth Cardenas Dec 2016
I think I've broken my own heart
And I've left my soul to die
Although I had no grave intentions
I beckoned emptiness to my life

I've tried to find the joy in things
To keep the others satisfied
But I'm a human; Weak at heart
And I began to loose the fight

Numbness found its only place
Inside my heart and left a stain
I felt nothing for a while
So much worse than feeling pain...

I hope to someday soon
Escape the chains that wound my soul
But for now my heart is cautious
While I try my best to become whole
Ruth Cardenas Nov 2015
There are two sides of a person
The sunshine and the night
One of them will mend you
And the other **** your light
Ruth Cardenas Dec 2015
My thoughts scald me like fire
They leave ashes on my ground
They blend in with my beating heart
But they never make a sound

I bubble into blisters
And I lock my pain away
With smiles plastered on my face
They bring my heart to shame

I wish I could control them
But they take control of me
They run around inside my head
Until my head begins to bleed
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
And I can say I didn't love you
I can say I didn't care
I can tell you it wont matter
But I feel you everywhere

You've stolen little pieces
Parts of me I can't get back
And I lie to make it okay
But it's piece of mind I lack

I wanted you so badly
And I wanted you for me
And to me you were so perfect
It seems I was obsolete

How could it mean nothing
I don't seem to understand
When I fell for you so hard 
That I landed with a crash
Ruth Cardenas Jul 29
I'll write you letters
Let it out, everyday
In the efforts to tell you
What my mouth will not say

Connection is dormant
And you're somewhat estranged
But I'm fully aware
It's not you I should blame

How I'd like to tell you
Toss this anger away
Forget all that hurt me
But it hurts to this day

But how could I tell you
It seems that I've changed
When I lost my colors
Everyone went away

Now I sit and ponder
In pity, I play
I know it's not right
But I need to be saved
Ruth Cardenas Sep 2018
It seems to me that you're mistaken
I sense your yearning, for a ghost
You fell in love with the best parts of me
Someone who I no longer know

And I've stayed hidden in the quiet
I've managed happiness, alone
Spent countless hours trying to heal me
Ignite the fire this world stole

And you want this ghost beside you
But ghosts can't give you any more
Can't give you something that they don't have
When they're not even half a whole

Ask for riches; you'll receive them
Ask me for treasure; you'll get gold
But dont you ask me for my heart
That can't be given, anymore
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2018
You remind me of danger
And of broken down walls
Such a foreign sensation
But im feeling it all

Give my all just to save me
To prevent that I fall
Avoiding what's left me broken
Ignoring its tempting call

But I feel myself slipping
Giving me, without shame
I deny, but I know it
That I'm loosing this game

And you'll probably hurt me
I'm sure you'll leave me to break
But im familiar with danger
And you're my newest mistake
Ruth Cardenas Feb 2016
This feeling's heavy in my chest
It makes it hard to breathe
You gave me all my oxygen,
Now all that's left is me

When things seemed hard to handle,
And what I wanted was to scream
You filled me with your warm embrace,
and left my soul at peace

When tears pierced at my cheeks,
You soothed them with your touch
You my love, we're everything
I guess everything wasn't enough
Ruth Cardenas May 12
How I wished to end a sadness
One as dark as it is deep
I longed-for that goodbye
But the evil follows me

I craved for the tranquility
Loopholes in my peace
Hindered me from happiness
It dismantled parts of me

I yearned for a forever
In the moments that the rain
Poured along the concrete floor
And reflected to me, pain

How I craved a simple moment
Where the sadness left my eyes
All I wanted was serenity  
To stop hoping for goodbye
Ruth Cardenas May 2017
Let me tell you something
It's a nightmare in my head
A blessing and a curse
Filled with love and sometimes dread

These emotions overwhelm me
I'm too young to feel such pain
But sometimes pain is worth it
If love lasts another day

There is nothing I want more
Than to have you by my side
Even if it killed me
At least I got to call you mine

My love for you is always
It's forever and a day
And I would do it all again
Just to feel you in my veins
B.K, I Love you.
Can I suggest self reflection?

Because you're lost; in a constant battle

With yourself

And it's been so long
Resentment latches on to the first tic

With a painful hold

Because resentment isn't beautiful

Its monstrous

With razors and thorns protruding from its skin

And you're not safe
Because you take most of the damage

And the longer you hold on,
The uglier

I see gashes on your skin
I watch you lick the wounds

But for what

They're layers

You are so desperately trying to heal a surface

And you think it's okay

this is me
this is how I do things
I'm strong

You're not strong.
You're safe.

Or you imagine

Because harm still reaches you

And you have scars to prove it
I see.
Ruth Cardenas Feb 2018
I just sit here wondering why
Why would you do this thing to me?
You believed that I deserved it
And threw me in your bitter sea

You were the one who caught my tears
The one who held me through the pain
The only face that felt like home
But now that's lost and it's a shame

You broke a girl that loved you
A day she never though she'd see
Because your arms were her oasis
And your presence was her spring

My heart is still deciding
Whether I can carry on
With you or without you
And if either choice is wrong
Ruth Cardenas Nov 2018
I died to keep you happy
I drowned out parts of me
The ones that drove you mad
But it was harder than it seemed

You see, those **** parts
Were woven in my soul
And without those missing pieces
Who dared to call me whole

I couldn't wrap my head around it
You tried to suffocate my being
I was a brilliant star
Maybe much too bright to see it

And so I let you go
Because I'd never understand
I had to force myself
To find the beauty in me again
Ruth Cardenas Jun 2018
I am enough
And I shouldn't have to prove
The worth of my soul
I Won't prove myself to you

I am enough
There's nothing better I must be
And I know youll never realize
I hold value in my reach

I might be a Diamond
But I don't sparkle in your eyes
You see me as the simplest thing
To you I'm simply passing by

I might start the wildest fires
How I burn out of control
But I'm like the morning sky
You've seen a million times before

You twinkled like the stars
You were a never-ending light
But you're a beautiful catastrophe
That took for granted what burned bright
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
I remember who she was
And I miss the happy girl
And I long to see her smile
She saw beauty in this world

But now she longs for silence
Her quiet is her home
She is beautifully broken
And the safest when alone

How could cold freeze such a heart
This candle was put out
She grew tired and forgot
What this life was all about

And maybe it should scare me
What the evil here can do
It dims the brightest fires
And it breaks the strongest, too
Ruth Cardenas Oct 2015
I miss you most at night
When the stars shine down on me
When the loneliness sits on my bed
And fails to let me dream

I hurt the most at night
When I hear your voice in my head
The one that soothed me fast asleep
And left my demons dead

I  cry the most at night
When I hear your stabbing words
Pierce my skin and twist
And set me on fire to burn

I know you hurt as well
Because what we had was true
I wish you hadn't let me go
Because all I had was you
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
A river in my head
Flowing with such might
Not a single force could stop it
My brain is like the night

Dark and quiet slumber
But the river still remains
It could be considered torture
Runs like blood that fills my veins
Ruth Cardenas Feb 2016
I want to be loved for my thorns
For even the sharpest of them all
And no matter how **** they may seem
I want to be loved while my shriveled leaves fall

I want someone to see past my weeds
To leave them beneath my feet
Because no flower or plant is perfect
I just want to be loved for being me

And even when things might seem ****
For having rips and tears in my leaves
I want to be loved unconditionally
I want to be loved for being me
Ruth Cardenas Aug 2018
You have the sweetest of smiles
But you have a broken one, too
I think your mind has you captive
It's like your mind won't let loose

You have such beautiful eyes
But I know they're hurting, like you
They share a weight that you carry
Reflect a part of your truth

And would you tell me, how is it?
To have a heart made of gold
How are you kind while you're breaking?
While this pain is scratching you raw

Would you tell me; how do you do it?
Keep that smile so sweet?
Tell me, how do you hide this
When it hurts the most while you breathe
Ruth Cardenas Jul 2016
If I one day opened my eyes
To find that you were gone
That day would be the end of me
And the end of our beautiful song

Our notes would rocket downward
They would spiral out of tune
Singing our song as they fell
"Are you watching this beautiful moon"

I'm certain I'd find a new song
But that song would never sound true
It's not the place I'd find my music
I only found my music in you

But Im sure I'd remember one sound
The last person who gave me advice
It still rings true to this day
*You can't love the same way, twice
Ruth Cardenas May 2015
I sometimes find it crazy.
That you Love someone like me.
When every inch is broken.
From my nose down to my feet.

You tell me that I'm beautiful.
But I find it hard to see.
I only long for better.
In the things that make me, me

I wish I loved this girl.
I don't like the way I am.
Could I make it go away?
Could I help you understand?

My dear Love please don't worry , though.
Because one day I will see.
The beauty in this thunderstorm.
And the beauty you find in me.
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2017
No sleep for me.
There's monsters under my bed.
What should I do?
They break the peace while I rest.

I use the blankets,
To pull over my head.
I yearn for protection,
From wicked things they have said.

They crawl through the bed sheets.
And enter my mind.
Looking for methods,
To destroy what they find.

But I know you won't break me
And you know you won't win.
Ill destroy what you are,
And all that you've been.
Ruth Cardenas May 25
I'm afraid, you're stranded out at sea
With the coldest parts you only seemed to know
A feeling that came following my name
With the darkest parts I only ever showed

I'm afraid you're asking for goodbye
I don't blame you, no one really likes the cold
But I admit it, you were something of a warmth to me
Safe at midnight when the thoughts tore at my soul

I'm afraid because I see it in your eyes
They don't shine for me the way they did before
A sunken sadness but who else is there to blame
I decimated all the love placed in my corner

I'm afraid because I sense it's not the same
I'm afraid because it happens quietly  
I'm afraid because you've finally drawn the line
I'm afraid the day has come where you've left me
Ruth Cardenas Jul 2017
Tell me how long it's been  
Maybe I need to cry
Maybe I need to release this hurt
And let it take the route of my eyes

Because it cries from the inside
It screams until it hurts
It screams until it's lost its voice
And even crying burns

It cries to be released
And bangs upon my walls
It scratches, bites, and tears at my skin
But not even then do I answer its call

I'm waiting for it to drown me
For the day it devours me whole
For the day I can't seem to sleep it away
And I finally loose control
Let it out
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2016
Her heart became as numb as the cold
There was nothing that she could feel
Because what her heart had to say was a "burden"
So her smile was all she made real

Her soul slowly became monotone
No spirit, no happy, no cries
What she needed to be was "perfect"
She could hide the pain in her decieving eyes

So slowly she fell apart
But of course, nobody knew
The screams in her head became louder
Until they began to Pierce right through

They echoed in empty halls
And shattered through heartbroken tears
All she wanted was someone to hold her
To love her, understand her... To hear.
Ruth Cardenas Jul 28
I can play life off as beautiful
But I often find life cold
And competitive and lonely
Like a frostbite to the soul

Perhaps I am the culprit
When I venture on my own
Come solitude, the hurt appears
And slowly, I unfold

Or maybe my thoughts wander
And I don't want to believe
Light turns to dark and stars come out
And my heart's deceiving me

But I wish to hush the silence
Let me dry my tears away
Maybe life wouldn't seem so miserable
If I were in a better place
Ruth Cardenas Oct 2018
I bet we only talk about the negative side of things
The fights, the fears, the broken parts.
Those negative feelings.
I bet you take one look at me and wonder why it hurts
For a broken-hearted, angry girl
Do you wonder what it's worth

I know the questions in your mind; why'd it have to come to this?
If only we loved each other right
Maybe I'd still kiss your lips
And you ponder on these feelings, chasing what has left you lost
Tainted by your clouded mind
How could 'One day' take so long

To you it feels so wrong
But you wait for what you love
Ruth Cardenas Aug 16
The burden of Emotion
Feeling one too many things
A heart that's so entangled
In life's realities

Why won't my mind go silent?
Or let go of the weight?
Its wearing down my tired soul
Caught between the fear and ache

I close my eyes, accept it
What's the purpose of my pain?
Is this how things are meant to be?
Will I always be afraid?

I long to see the Sunshine
Because some days, I can't dream
I need the smile robbed of me
Back where its supposed to be
Ruth Cardenas Jun 2016
Remember when you loved me violently?
Like a hurricane shredding a town?
You would hold me, kiss me, sing me to sleep,
But your lullabies lost all their sound.

My days would begin with the sunshine .
I felt safe in your lovely embrace.
But now I catch a glimpse of disgust,
"Why is it me that you hate"

Every sound, color, and shape,
Has lost its heavinly touch
Emptiness sitting upon my chest
Proves that my love just wasnt enough
Ruth Cardenas Jun 2016
Oh father, don't be scared.
Yes father, we're right here.
Oh father, you close your eyes.
To the four walls you find yourself stuck inside.

Father, I catch my million tears.
In the palm of my hand and hold them near.
These tears are solely for you.
Oh, for you, there's nothing I wouldn't do.

I forgive you for all those times.
Where I'd lay my head down and start to cry.
When disappointment tore my soul apart.
When I walked away because you broke my heart.

Father, we love you so.
Yes, we are hurt but well never let go.
Ruth Cardenas Jun 2015
Look at that old elm tree
Standing tall and strong
Look at every flower bed
Trying to sing it's song

Take it down and burn it though
Make it pummel to the ground
Cut up all those flower beds
And you won't ever hear their sound

Ride that car you love so much
Let the fumes become our air
Feel the heat get hotter
But never give it any care

Watch this Earth become a mess
Try to think of something new
And it starts to sink into your mind
"Love, this mess was thanks to you".
Ruth Cardenas Feb 24
Ill admit it, you surprised me
But it wasn't worth the wait
Or the tears; or the sadness
Just not worth it, Im afraid

A thousand words left unsaid
I had a million things to say
But I was bleeding out my pride
I was bleeding out my pain

Months of sleeping with the lights on
Every second, tossed in bed
A private, mental torture
I suffocated, in my head

So forgive me, when you ask
When at you, I shake my head
Forgive me when I choose my peace
Over letting you in, again
Ruth Cardenas Sep 2016
If I could see life through your eyes.
Tell me what it is I'd see.
Would I catch you staring blindly.
Or would you keep your eyes on me.

If I walked you through a garden.
On every corner a lovely rose.
Would you admire their beautiful petals.
Or would you watch my bright light glow.

Am I the only one you notice?
Am I the apple of your eye?
Am I the only face you care to see?
Does your love for me burn that bright?
I hope it burns that bright...
Ruth Cardenas Mar 2016
You are the most beautiful
The brightest star upon the sky
Your brilliant rays of sunshine
Make the angels want to cry

The scars you keep within
Are just as beautiful as you
You fear that I might see them
But my Prince, I have scars too

You are your insecurities
You are your temper and your lips
You are that tidy room...
You are that goodnight kiss

Don't be afraid to remove
That cloak you love to wear
Or it'll cover up your beautiful heart
And the years well get to share

So when you sleep at night
You can go to sleep in peace
You are a beautiful jewel
A jewel no one will EVER be
Ruth Cardenas Apr 2018
What a beautiful beginning
How something beautiful should start
Painless and replenishing
And no more broken hearts

Holding on to it so dearly
Such a treasure in your eyes
But you suffocate the beauty
Holding on to it so tight

You give it the best parts of you
And never question why
It's a facade of many wonders
Where the wonders slowly die

And this beautiful mirage
The things you force yourself to see
They're the same things that have killed you
Leaving you in misery
Ruth Cardenas Nov 2016
So safe under these covers.
As you're lying next to me.
Is it possible to have you,
Sinking in each time I breathe?

Please look into my eyes.
And never break this gaze.
My intention is to love you.
In pure and countless ways.

How warm when you caress me.
With your gentle, loving touch.
How was it possible to find you?
In a world that lost it's Love?

You truly are an Angel.
And you belong to only me.
One true and genuine love.
Much bigger than I'd dreamed.
Ruth Cardenas Jul 2015
My whole entire life
I've watched him fade away
I could only feel the pain
When I'd wake up the next day

I could always see the change
The way he stumbled across the floor
His eyes were blood shot red
Too weak to shut the door

My helpless eyes stayed open
As he drank his life away
"Daddy, please stop doing this"
"... I need you here to stay"

But No, he doesnt listen.
What's this void he hasn't found?
"Daddy, please... I Love you "
"Put the bottle down"
Ruth Cardenas May 2018
You were afraid to love
So you let it slip away
Let it slip right through your fingertips
And ran for your escape

So afraid that it might hurt you
You feared dangers from the past
And I knew you couldn't take the risk 
For a Love that wouldn't last  

It was too good to be true
Unfamiliar terrain
You must have never known the feeling
You must have just been used to pain

It hurts but I don't blame you
I understand the reasons why
Though, I truly tried to love you
I wont beg you to be mine
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