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Ruth Cardenas Feb 24
Ill admit it, you surprised me
But it wasn't worth the wait
Or the tears; or the sadness
Just not worth it, Im afraid

A thousand words left unsaid
I had a million things to say
But I was bleeding out my pride
I was bleeding out my pain

Months of sleeping with the lights on
Every second, tossed in bed
A private, mental torture
I suffocated, in my head

So forgive me, when you ask
When at you, I shake my head
Forgive me when I choose my peace
Over letting you in, again
Ruth Cardenas Feb 10
What a shame you didn't notice it
Catching up to you
The remnants of a broken trust
Hadn't dissipated through

You swore you'd never cry again
That you wouldn't let those eyes
Lie to you, without remorse
They wouldn't get the chance to try

But along the way, you missed it
A crack within the wall
A tear laid on the seam
That you didn't catch at all

And now I'll watch you slip
Pity drowning out my mind
since you were doing it so perfectly
Holding everything, inside
Ruth Cardenas Jan 25
My mind is clouded with one word


And I learned the hard way
To stray from this path

Because, who runs with knives?

And I hear it in my mind

give it a chance
let go

But, I have

And it's soul crushing

I bare my heart

It is placed the same way the sun sits in the sky

I give up control

For a mirage?

When you trust,
You are naked

Where is your armor?

When they cut you
And you bleed

When the tears gather no sympathy

When you are left to fend for yourself

A self-seeking attack

I don't break down my walls

And the notion to, is laid to rest

I know I gather pity
I see souls trying to share their heart
To bring some strength back into mine

And I know it's sad

But I'd rather melt into the concrete
And be no more

Than let that pain scrape my skin, ever again
Ruth Cardenas Jan 15
I have a friend
His name is Nothing
He is a feeling
Where I go, he follows

He sits in the passenger seat of my car
He is the shadow that follows me when the sun is out

Nothing watches me at night
When I stare into the darkness
He laughs through the agony as my tears fall

Because I can't close my eyes

Nothing mocks me
Nothing steals my light

He stole my light

And sometimes he gets lonely
So he brings a friend along

Her name is Pain

Pain likes to whisper malicious secrets

She overwhelms me

She likes to remind me that I've lost my color

And there is a dim grey in everything I once loved

I am forced to carry them

I can't scream

Because they tell me to stay silent

And I do

I know they are bad company
I know I shouldn't listen

But they know me

Pain tells me stories of people like me
She tells me of their beautiful smiles
Melodious laughs

you're a liar

Pain tells me that people don't crumble in a day
She tells me that Nothing is a deception

I like when she visits
Pain reminds me that I am not made of stone

I bleed when I'm with her

pain is bad company

But pain is the only one who reminds me on my darkest days

That it's okay to be human
Can I suggest self reflection?

Because you're lost; in a constant battle

With yourself

And it's been so long
Resentment latches on to the first tic

With a painful hold

Because resentment isn't beautiful

Its monstrous

With razors and thorns protruding from its skin

And you're not safe
Because you take most of the damage

And the longer you hold on,
The uglier

I see gashes on your skin
I watch you lick the wounds

But for what

They're layers

You are so desperately trying to heal a surface

And you think it's okay

this is me
this is how I do things
I'm strong

You're not strong.
You're safe.

Or you imagine

Because harm still reaches you

And you have scars to prove it
I see.
Ruth Cardenas Dec 2018
I'll tell you of my mechanisms
Let me show you how I cope
The second I feel tears rush in
My smile tells them no

Every second stretches, painfully
From both corners of my mouth
Even sometimes, almost breaking
But those tears arent coming out

And my eyes whisper my secrets
To every foreign soul
They're begging won't you save me
someone save this tortured girl

My coping mechanism
I have days where tears may slip
But almost mastered, perfectly
Ruth Cardenas Nov 2018
I died to keep you happy
I drowned out parts of me
The ones that drove you mad
But it was harder than it seemed

You see, those **** parts
Were woven in my soul
And without those missing pieces
Who dared to call me whole

I couldn't wrap my head around it
You tried to suffocate my being
I was a brilliant star
Maybe much too bright to see it

And so I let you go
Because I'd never understand
I had to force myself
To find the beauty in me again
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