Life is my torture,
and death,
my salvation.

Don't say I didn't try.
I asked you,
you ignored me.
I tried to contact you.
I apologised SO MANY TIMES.
You didn't say a word,
you never replied to my messages.
You think you're the only one who can get *******?
You think you are the only one entitled to that feeling.
That's just who you are.
Selfish
I shall not be wasting my time anymore.
If you wanted to be in my life,
you never would have left.

Do you ever feel like screaming,
but the words don't come out.
I feel like that right now.
I feel like shouting,
like telling the world I'm not okay.
I'm far from okay.
I feel the words clogging my throat,
a burning gobule of emotions bursting with negativity.
I want to scream till I can't anymore.
I want to cry till there aren't anymore tears.
I want to punch the wall till my knuckles are
bruised, ****** and broken
*Just like my heart

I sit in class
Staring at the board
Looking like
There's nothing wrong
At all.
I feel my pulse,
Blood running through my veins,
Asking myself
Why am I alive?
Each and everyday.

Shhhh.....
I've found a different method now
Shhhh.....
Because you've taught me
what I learnt as a child
Shhhh....
Because words are too loud
So we turn to voice
softer
sometimes

Maybe I should turn to keys
Black and white keys
I play soft slow songs
Pedal pressing down

Maybe I should turn to art
each sketch releasing pressure
no
art reveals too much
and creates too much
stress

No writing
Because that's the whole point
Words are too permanent
Words are too impactful
Words are creatures of immense power

Physical pain on the other hand
is too much pain
and keeping silent is just not
good
for
pain

But no matter what
I must never turn to my mind
Imagination stopped being useful
About 2 years ago

My mind is too repetitive
Pictures repeat too much
Words flash too much
My mind adds salt
My mind adds fire
My mind adds ****.

I've been with you
Through thick an thin,
But all you do
Is cause pain within.

Never listening
To a word i say
But all you to
Is vent all day.

I try to be nice
And smile it away
But what you don't know
Is that I have something
To say.

I try not to complain
But sometimes,
It drives me insane.

My eyes cry out
Like a dry desert

I can feel cracks
at the back of my eyes
It's so dry
It's sore

It's the effects of a drought
after a long monsoon