you were the blue ocean
and i was the yellow sun

i didn't know what a sunset looked like—
to me, it looked nothing more
than my descension into ruin
it was nothing more than my inevitable undoing

but as i sank down,
you enveloped me into your warmth
i found myself less afraid, i saw it
as a different kind of undoing; a serene death

as i lose all life, you promised
to hold me safe through the night
until i can rise again at dawn,
until i inevitably come back to you

everyone looks on, in awe of
the sunset, my aftermath,
seeing beauty in my death, as i
come home into your warmth
When you go inside a room that has been empty for a while, you can see the little clouds of dust float and shine as the light touches them. And for a long time you'll watch it drizzle down like an ethereal rain.

Maybe you'll stop moving, or cover your mouth, or maybe you'll stare at it too long it begins to look like stars in the night sky. And you'll wait for it to settle again just so it can come undone in your hands. Jumping around to unsettle it, but it'll never really be the same as the first time you saw it.

That's how you felt to me. I was the unsettled clouds of dust. And you looked at me like you couldn't believe your eyes. But that ethereal light is temporary, and once it washes away and I move away from the light, you'll begin to see me for what I am—nothing but unimportant little clouds of unsettled dust.

You're going to jump around to see me suspended in mid-air, to see me shrouded by light like an ethereal being, to look at me like I'm a starry night sky. But what happens once everything settles down and I'm where I used to be?

You can't jump around forever and I can't stay afloat forever.
Rozelle Javier Aug 2017
I'm so tired
it's better to pretend
that your words don't cut me
even as I bleed out before you

I hear you loud and clear; your words
like writhing snakes in my ears
and I still choose to pretend—
pretending is a way of life for me,
an escape, a coping method,
or the only way I can live

I dare you to shout at me
once more or one hundred times more
I stopped listening a long time ago
or I pretend to, as I choke back the tears
I won't cry for you
you don't deserve it

So I keep pretending
it's the only way I can live
Rozelle Javier Jun 2017
Quiet and unassuming,
silently celebrating her victories
Soft and warm,
always loving, always unconditional
Tough and dependable,
and always giving her all

I could list a thousand things about her
but she'll probably never believe them
She's going to laugh it off,
but keep on loving and caring just the same

She doesn't think much of herself
and always puts everyone's needs before her own
She loves and loves
and never asks for love back
Always taken for granted
yet never stops and never tires

And maybe I can no longer tell her
everything that I should:
that I love her
that I always will
that I'm sorry
or that I'm grateful—
And maybe I should learn to say these more often

But I know that she's going to keep loving,
all unconditional and warm and soft—
and I hope that someday
I'll finally be able to show her that I love her as much as she does

—Rozelle Javier
5/14/2017 I wrote this for my mom on Mother's Day.
Rozelle Javier Oct 2016
Please give me something to hold on to
For those days when I don't feel real
For those days when I can’t be alone but need to be
For those days when I don't feel like living

Please give me your heart,
Your soul, your warmth,
If it isn’t too much to ask,
Please give me yourself
Rozelle Javier Oct 2016
The rain falls
Unrelenting, unpitying
Heavy droplets
Drenching everything on sight

The rain falls
Unperturbed, unassuming
Pulling on sleepy eyelids
On lachrymose days like today

The rain falls—
Wipes away my tears
Takes away my loneliness
Washes away my love for you
Rozelle Javier Oct 2016
Didn’t you say that we’ll figure out this life together?
Coffee in hand, talking about the good things in life

Didn’t you say that I was like a soul mate to you?
That you loved me, unlike anyone you’ve ever met before

Didn’t you promise me that I never had to be lonely ever again?
“I’m here,” you said, “I’ll always be here.”

Didn’t I tell you to wait for me a little bit more?
I have a distant way of loving and I’m afraid I’d push you away

Where are you?
Why am I drinking this too-cold coffee without you?

Come back,
I’m still waiting here
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