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Apr 1 · 59
night panic
lexi Apr 1
The world is falling
Tumbling into nothing
A deep dark daunting nothing
Fear grips it's icy claws into my shoulders
It's biting brisk breath buzzes in my ear
Unheard over the paralyzing piercing pounding of my heart
I am drowning in dread
Unable to see help through the cacophonous crashing waves
The tenacious tempestuous typhoon plunging me into the obscurity.
I used to have panic attacks at night cuz I'd think I couldn't breathe, and this is kind of me making a sad attempt to put the feeling in words. Anyway, this is brought to you by for helping me come up with big words.
Dec 2018 · 93
lexi Dec 2018
Tied to my arms are strings
so thin they're almost invisible
almost           but
if you look hard you will see
the silvery strands cutting off circulation
stretching up toward the sky
toward their holder

if you look even harder you will see
the puppeteer
grinning wildly at me
knowing I am forever trapped
because how can you escape a cell
you don't know is there
Oct 2018 · 92
lexi Oct 2018
I try to hold on
To anything I can
but it's no use I'm already gone
stuck on the thought I'll always be less than

I'm drowning in my own mind
engulfed by the waves
brain taken over by the role I've been assigned
bowing down to stereotypes; to whom we're all slaves

Plastering a fake smile on my fake face
everything is plastic, cold to the touch
it's my personality I continue to deface
I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'll never be much

I am not me
I'm an alien
I'm not even sure what is a reality
Who I am is simply an alias
Oct 2018 · 76
The me I want to be
lexi Oct 2018
She is pretty, and all the guys say she's cute
Her story screams through the paper, while mine is mute
I'm average, people walk past without a word
She is loud, everyone listens, and she is always heard
I am funny, in a mediocre way
She lights up the room, makes people throw their heads back and laugh, you should be a comedian they say
She has a way with words, she's witty and smart
I can't express what I'm feeling, every emotion captured in my heart
She easily charms, and people fall in love
I am the one friends can easily dispose of
She looks in the mirror and smiles with joy
I don't even bother, in fear of the ego I'd further destroy
She is the me
I wish to be
To put it in a none poetry way: I wish I were better
Oct 2018 · 103
lexi Oct 2018
It's orange flames; burning heat everytime I speak
It's a gnawing feeling, eating away at my very being
It's a flash of light so very bright like a deer in headlights
It's words on my tongue waiting to be sprung and dance toward your ear
I'm biting my tongue; wanting to tell; afraid that you will judge
Because even if you say it's fine, and you don't care at all
I have this fear you will no longer think of me the same
Sep 2018 · 108
that feeling
lexi Sep 2018
it's that feeling
when you want to talk
but don't know what to say
when you want to cry
but are scared someone will hear you
when you wish somebody would listen
and not just pretend they care
Aug 2018 · 394
lexi Aug 2018
I sat there on a rock
my back aching from the lack of support
staring at the lake
the trees in the distance
and their reflections in the water
the pastel pink sky also mirrored in the water
like the lake was trying to imitate its perfection
making it impossible to tell reality from reflection
truth from a lie
the view so scenic
something you only saw as a screen saver
if I could paint it I would
but instead, I paint with words
stroking my brush
creating smooth lines on a paper
trying in vain to remake
the cloudless sky
bright golden sun peeking up behind the firs
ripples on the water's glassy smooth surface
and the small imperfection
sitting on a rock
back aching from lack of support
taking it all in
the perfect sunrise she'd never be
Aug 2018 · 80
The Woods
lexi Aug 2018
The crisp morning air
not only smells of freedom
but tastes of happiness
the crunching of leaves beneath your ***** boots
the tired fogginess in your brain
the sticky remain of bug spray on your skin
your hair, ruffled from the night of restless sleep
the aching of days of hiking in your joints
the soreness of your throat, from days of singing and laughing
none of it matters
because here
in this woods
you are far away from your problems
you are free
Jul 2018 · 65
falling apart
lexi Jul 2018
I wrap my arms around myself
a sad attempt to keep all my pieces together
to not split down the middle
and tear at the edges
to not fall down
in this world
waiting to rip me apart
and scatter my pieces in the wind
I paste a smile on my face
and clumsily glue myself together
hoping it'll hold long enough
but when it finally gives out
I don't know what i'll do
Jul 2018 · 79
this girl
lexi Jul 2018
there's this girl
she's standing on her balcony
staring at the rain
it's coming down strong
weighing down leaves
and striking the ground, each drop like a little bomb
she puts the hood of her pink jacket on
trying to protect her hair
but the split brown ends dangle out
and curl as they get soaked
she lifts her face up to the sky
feeling the cold drops on her face
and stuffs her hands in her pockets,
a lasting attempt to keep them warm
now completely soaked, she stares at the fogged up city, before walking inside
so i do this thing when i narrate my life as i'm doing something and today i just thought hey! i should write this down... so ya here it is
Jun 2018 · 65
A wall
lexi Jun 2018
There's this wall
this great big wall
That the stars look down upon
and the earth holds up
that stands between us
but even though it's so big
neither of us can see it
Jun 2018 · 97
Singing rain
lexi Jun 2018
Rain is like a song
That's lost its rhythm
Just pattering on and on
Trying to find a beat
That doesn't exist
The raindrops will keep splashing
Against the roof
With no rhyme or reason
Just landing wherever they want
Just because they can
lexi Jun 2018
I'm so used to hiding my face
Behind a smiling mask
And being so careful of every move I make
It feels weird opening up
Like I might scare you away
So I really hope I don't
Or haven't already
I'm not really sure if you could call this a poem
But I was thinking
I have all these drafts
Of poems
I'm too scared to publish
So sitting here in bed at eleven at night
I thought heck it
Here's a rant
My life seems all about the likes
I know this is such an overused metaphor
But really
My day isn't good
Unless my Instagram pic gets at least 100 likes
Hey i could write a poem about that
I've actually written quite of few poems
Not all of them published
About hating myself
I mean for one thing who wouldn't love to be a super skinny blond blue-eyed chick
On the front of a magazine
posing in her underwear and getting paid for it
My biggest issue though
Is my weight
Let me tell you something though
I am not overweight
And really it's not a problem to be slightly overweight if you are
But I'm letting you know that I've been told my weight for my height is just fine
But I'm tall
Like really tall
So normally I weigh more than everyone in my class
And even though
I'm told it's not a problem
for me it really is
So this rant is getting pretty long
So I'mma end it here
And promise myself that I will not chicken out
And will publish this
But this was fun
So who knows
Might do it again
oh gosh this is loooooooooong thx so much though if you read all of it.
Jun 2018 · 54
lexi Jun 2018
I was once little and innocent
Playing with my best friend
In the tree house
I played in the sandpit
And threw a ball at the hoop
But my favorite thing to do
Was to go on the swings
To kick off from the ground
And soar higher and higher
And feel that feeling
Of freedom
To feel the wind in my face
eyes closed
Legs pumping back and forth
And higher
Until that whistle blows
And the teacher calls us inside
To go color some more pictures
coloring was my idea of hard work
I got my first taste of reality
In first grade
When i left my friends
And found new one
Something I've done
Countless times
I would leave a friend
A home
A school
And move on
Find new friends
Make a new home
Go to a new school
Along the way
I learned betrayal
A friend who goes behind your back
And says she doesn't care
Loving someone
Who will never love you back
hard work
Trying so hard
Yet still failing
My story’s not done yet
I haven't learned everything
I have more to know
More to see
More to hear
But one thing's for sure
I am no longer that little girl
On the swing
Feeling freedom on my face
I haven't gone on a swing in years
Jun 2018 · 59
lexi Jun 2018
You leaped around
Feet on the ground  
Catching flies
Seeing with your small, round eyes
Now you’re dead
Veins once full of red
now drained and empty
But still organs of plenty
You’re in a school
Thinking how humans are so cruel
Except you’re dead so you can’t think
You can’t even move or blink
Your organs on display
Body on a tray
Digestive system torn apart
Now they’re dissecting your heart
Muscles, bones, nervous system
At least this will teach them
About the respiratory and muscular
Hopefully, after this, they know what cardiovascular is
So this is a poem I had to write about the frog we're about to dissect in science class and it turned out ok, soooo here it it.
Jun 2018 · 74
That part of me
lexi Jun 2018
I wish I could **** that part of myself
that worries and doesn't trust others
and questions everything
I wish I could be free
from that part of me
but the problem with wanting a part of something gone
is that if you **** that part
you **** the whole thing
because you can't live without that part
and you need it
as much as you hate it.
Jun 2018 · 126
lexi Jun 2018
I think my mirror
is broken
because when I look at it
I see shards of glass
ragged edges
sharp enough to cut
through soft skin
I can't make out the reflection
Because it's all messed up
or maybe it's me who's broken
and no one else
can see
Jun 2018 · 91
lexi Jun 2018
People are like dominos
arranged in neat lines
perfectly happy
not knowing they are aligned
to fall
and someday
one will collapse
and then the next one
and then the one after that
until they're all
on the ground
Jun 2018 · 83
run away
lexi Jun 2018
why do I always feel
like i'm running
or like i need to
get away
my mind's always screaming
why do i always want
to fly away
what am i scared of?
what do i think
if i don't get away from fast enough
will consume me
and eat me
swallowing me whole
what do i fear
will catch me
if i don't run
May 2018 · 143
lexi May 2018
I'm running
my feet hit the sand
as I run
the wind in my face
my legs burn
but it's a good burn
I close my eyes
ignore the pain in my chest
my heavy breathing
aching legs
and embrace
this feeling of freedom
May 2018 · 286
the beach
lexi May 2018
The warm, blue waves
lapping at the fine sand
eating it away
The bright, yellow sun
gazing down at everyone
radiating heat
and warmth
people laughing
and smiling
a gentle breeze
to cool everything down
I close my eyes
and listen to the rolling waves
and for a second
is perfect
May 2018 · 185
lexi May 2018
When I look in the mirror
I don't see a successful
I see an ****
who isn't
and can never be
good enough
May 2018 · 356
Sticks and Stones
lexi May 2018
Sticks and Stones
may break my bones
but words will never hurt me
even though those words
are as sharp as glass
real as the sun
fast as bullets
and even though those words
leave me broken and alone
they can't hurt me
People would always tell me that what other people say shouldn't hurt me, so I always thought I was just sensitive when people called me names and made fun of me and I always thought that pain in my heart wasn't real, but it is, it's as real as scraping a knee.
May 2018 · 125
Rain drops
lexi May 2018
they drift down
the window
like tears falling
leaving a trail
perfect drops
of despair
who says
the sky cant cry
who says rain
isn't just tears
meeting with the ground
until they break
into millions of pieces
of sadness
to have sunny days, you still have to have rainy days
May 2018 · 253
lexi May 2018
I wish
I were a bird
So I could spread my wings
And fly
Away from this town
Of people who hate me
Fly over fields
Over cities and farms
Up up up
Higher higher higher
Until I can touch the sun
I will fly
Like a bird
Up towards the sky
Until I get tired
And fall
May 2018 · 109
lexi May 2018
I need
To get my words
Out there
Into the world
Set them free
From the cage
That I call my mind
It's crammed
Overstuffed with thoughts
The cabinets are full
Of words
And stories
Waiting to be told
Waiting to fly free
May 2018 · 66
lexi May 2018
I'm tired but I can't sleep
I'm hungry but I can't eat
I'm sad but I can't frown
I'm lonely but I can't speak
May 2018 · 157
put on a show
lexi May 2018
alright the shows about to start
Is your costume on right?
is your makeup done?
hair curled?
Make sure to smile
Never cry
If you cry you're dead
Hold back the tears
Don't let them fall
Hold your head high
Laugh when you want to  sob
Put on a show
They'll never forget
life's all just one big play
Apr 2018 · 208
invisible weight
lexi Apr 2018
it's an invisible weight
pressing down on all of us
we pretend not to notice
and continue our daily routines
but inside
none of us are really ok
the only difference between the sane and insane
is that one is better at hiding it
Apr 2018 · 59
love sick
lexi Apr 2018
my heart rips through my chest when i see you
my stomach cartwheels when i hear your name
i forget myself when i hear your voice
i only wish you felt the same about me
writing this at midnight thinking about a certain someone ;)
Apr 2018 · 40
The Real Me
lexi Apr 2018
You feel me but am I really here?
You talk to me But am I really listening?
You laugh with me but am I really happy?
You assume that this is me
This gossiping hair obsessed girl
But is this really me?            
Did I hide it from you?
Scared you would judge
And hurt me
And leave me even more broken than I was before
Would you?
If I showed
That I loved books
More than makeup
That I thought unique things
And had my own thoughts
Would you judge?
Me      Me
If          If
  I           I  
        O         C        
        P          L        
            E          O          
         N          S        
E          E
D          D
    Up?     Up?

— The End —