I wish I could **** that part of myself
that worries and doesn't trust others
and questions everything
I wish I could be free
from that part of me
but the problem with wanting a part of something gone
is that if you **** that part
you **** the whole thing
because you can't live without that part
and you need it
as much as you hate it.

I think my mirror
is broken
because when I look at it
I see shards of glass
ragged edges
sharp enough to cut
through soft skin
I can't make out the reflection
Because it's all messed up
or maybe it's me who's broken
and no one else
can see

People are like dominos
arranged in neat lines
perfectly happy
not knowing they are aligned
to fall
and someday
one will collapse
and then the next one
and then the one after that
until they're all
on the ground

why do I always feel
like i'm running
away
or like i need to
get away
my mind's always screaming
caution
beware
people
why do i always want
to fly away
what am i scared of?
what do i think
if i don't get away from fast enough
will consume me
and eat me
swallowing me whole
what do i fear
will catch me
if i don't run
away

I'm running
fast
my feet hit the sand
pavement
grass
as I run
the wind in my face
faster
faster
faster
my legs burn
but it's a good burn
I close my eyes
ignore the pain in my chest
my heavy breathing
aching legs
and embrace
this feeling of freedom

The warm, blue waves
lapping at the fine sand
eating it away
The bright, yellow sun
gazing down at everyone
radiating heat
and warmth
people laughing
and smiling
a gentle breeze
to cool everything down
I close my eyes
and listen to the rolling waves
and for a second
everything
is perfect

When I look in the mirror
I don't see a successful
beautiful
unique
girl
I see an ugly
worthless
disgusting
person
who isn't
and can never be
good enough