Pain.
Hurt.
I think I’m afraid of it.

Afraid to feel so strongly for someone again because hell,
I know how it’ll end up.

Me, broken, bleeding on the ground
my heart ripped out and ****** on the floor.

That’s how it always ends, isn't it?

Suffering.

That unbearable ache in your chest that makes you wish you could rip your heart out.

If only it weren’t already torn to shreds
by the only person you trusted
to hold it together.

- torn apart

someone once told me
you never forget your first love
you always love them
maybe in some strange twisted way
your brain forgetting
all the pain they caused
you love them
and i think they were right
because in a way
i love you
and i think i always will
for some nonsensical reason
i will never see the world
the same because of you
and sometimes i wish
i could change that
erase you from my thoughts
as you distort them
with your unwavering power
but then i remember
i wouldn’t want it any other way
you have shaped me
into the person i am today
and because of that
and i wouldn’t change a thing

- i'll never forget you

you came back

a fresh start
a new beginning
taking me
out of the dark
and into the light
so i can heal
from what you
left me as
petals wilted
leaves browned
wounds now mending

let me learn
so i can grow
once more
take me
somewhere i belong
where i can bloom
as the flowers do
with pretty petals
green leaves
full of life
a new beginning
a fresh start

that’s what you’ve given me

- bloom

when i think of you
you are now no more than a
stranger i once knew

a stranger
that broke my heart
and didn’t care
that what you left behind
wasn’t me anymore

a stranger
that stitched themself
into my life
just to rip themself
out of it
without warning

a stranger
i once loved
with all my heart
that never gave
anything back
to me
but silence

a stranger
i once thought i knew
but realized
too late
i didn’t recognize
who was
in front of me



when i think of you
you are a stranger
and maybe that’s
how it’s supposed to be

but i find myself
missing you
even though
you are a stranger

even though
you hurt me
more than anyone
ever has before

even though
you turned me
into someone
i don’t recognize
in the mirror anymore

even though
i am now a stranger
to myself
i am caught
in your web
unable to escape
from your grasp,
stranger

--- i knew you once (and it was nice)

Didn't realise just how much I associate some songs with you until I play it out loud and instead of singing and dancing around, I just stand there with an ache in my chest, missing you 10x more and wishing we could talk again.

I thought I was okay but moving on is such a tricky thing. Some days I'm having a good time and I don't think of you at all and some days..some days you're all I think about and I miss you. I miss your eyes and hair and voice when you call out my name and hype me up.

How you'd ask me how I'm doing and I'd tell you in great details even though my day wasn't all that productive but you'd listen anyway cause you genuinely care. How you could say anything and it's like butter sliding down a warm pancake; making me feel good and happy. So happy.

But now I'm just barely going through life, day in and day out; climbing into bed at night hoping I could see you when I fall asleep. Then waking up, reaching for my phone wishing your name would pop up. I miss you. I miss you. Don't you miss me too?

-m.b

air can no longer reach my lips
as i try to remind myself
what it’s like to be in love

i can’t remember what it feels like
to have kisses down your neck
or to exchange loving smiles
with someone you want to spend
every waking hour with
unable to withstand
the ache of being apart

so i cut off my oxygen
hoping it will remind me
of the feeling
of my breath catching
as we locked eyes

i am depriving myself
of the air i need to survive
to finally remind me
of the pain you caused
choking the life out of me
that i interpreted as love

but now i realize
that was never really love
i never had the moments
of loving smiles
and kisses on cheeks
i crave so deeply

so i don’t know why
i keep searching
hurting myself
trying to find something
i never will

knowing i’m looking for
memories of nothing
just dreams
created by my mind
to save me the pain
of never really living them

--- (i’m so sick of this) fake love

you broke me
letting me believe
we would last forever
knowing **** right
that was never your plan
that you would leave me
to waste away
into nothing

and you did

           - hurt.