I was watching her
really watching her
wondering how she could be so destructive
changing herself
changing me
changing the world around her
without

a


single



sound.

The world is dark around me
But I see colours that don't
Exist
In my dreams
I am trying to push
All of it out
But I simply can't
It will always just be there
Inside of me
In my head
I won't let it out
You will just destroy it

One day I was looking into his eyes
Oh, his big beautiful eyes
I get so lost in them
And one day I saw everything in them
His eyes would light up talking about his dreams
His future
And me in it
I liked his eyes most
When the sun is on them
You could always see
The different shades of brown
You could see
Light,
Oceans,
Hope,
You could see love,
Dreams,
Dimensions,
And when he would tell me
That
His eyes are
"Just brown"
I would tell him
Your eyes are not "just brown"
Your eyes are the reflection of
The most beautiful things in life
The things that make people smile
Your eyes are the feelings people get
When they are so high on love
Yet I couldn't tell you any of this
So instead I just told you
Your eyes were beautiful
But God, they were so much more than that
And I wish you saw that
I wish you could see....

He told me that there used to be a “spark” he never saw in me anymore looking at me with his dark brown eyes. And when he tried to bring that spark, it was never to show the flame that came after it, but the darkness that surrounded it. As he was bringing that spark in me again, lighting me on fire without realizing it, flames in the reflection of his eyes, trying to change me, trying to bring the old me back, what he never realized was that the flame was him, and that flames disappear too.

Your words don’t have to come out of your mouth anymore because I envision them. I envision them when I am walking in an unknown place, at 1 am and I am scared shitless but too weak to run. I envision them when I decide to sit in the rain instead of sitting out in the sun. I envision them when I accidentally cut myself, looking at the drops of blood falling on the floor. I envision them when I am on the bridge. Looking at the water flowing, always moving at the same pace because your words go through me like wind whipping fast past my hair. They were never words of encouragement, never words of kindness. But quick words of hatred and loathing, and now I know that when the plate hits the wall of my kitchen, and I look down to see the shattered pieces, instead of picking it up I like to just leave it there. Just how you left me. Broken.

Her hair
Flowing
All in one
Straight down her back
Her hair straight
With tints of brown
Maybe a shade lighter
Wrapped around
Other strands
Wrapped around
Her head
Her shoulders
Her neck
Her face
Wrapped around her body
And it doesn't stop
It keeps going
And going
Until she is
Covered
With
Her hair

When I see grey clouds
I think of you
I think of you because,
When I was watching
The rain
Pour down onto the road
And disappear
Running away
Streaming along finding places,
To hide
Places to disappear
It reminded me of how
You would follow the rain
Run towards it
Finding places
To hide
Places to disappear
Leaving me a step behind you,
When all I wanted to do
Was take one step forward
But you wouldn’t let me