I swear to god he was perfect.
I saw him across the room
coffee stains on his white button up shirt
his curly hair messy, falling over his face the tiniest bit
his overly sized glasses sort of crooked on his face
there he was
he didn't know how silly he looked
but it was the best kind of silly
the silly I wanted to see everyday
He looked like an angel
He was perfect.
I saw you. I saw you in a different light this time. You were so beautiful. Your eyes, your lips, your hands, your hair, your gentleness... around me. I wanted to be near you all the time and I couldn't breathe if you weren't. You opened something in my eyes that I haven't seen before, you were the light and I was standing right there in your shadow. I had to understand that who you were could not help me because I am not beautiful. my eyes, my lips, my hands my hair and my gentleness could never be anything like yours. I had to look at myself and understand that we just simply could not be. I just wanted you to consume my head, my lungs my whole entire body to get rid of this self -hatred and loathing I have for myself. But then you would see. That I am just here, and you will always be over there. And I have to be alone..... To be free.
She would tell me how she felt on certain days.
Some days she wouldn't, but I knew when I looked at the colour of her nail polish.
When her fingernails were yellow I knew she was doing okay.
She would tell me she felt warm instead of cold like on most days.
When her fingernails had clear sparkles on them, I knew she was
She told me she couldn't wait to finish her book.
I tried to understand her.
But this was the only way I could.
I saw her again but this time she didn't speak.
her fingers were in her jacket.
She looked straight ahead and never turned her head once to me.
We sat for hours until she got up, and took her hands out of her pockets.
She told me she wanted to die.
Her fingernails were blue.
we were running
we were running so fast until our knees became very weak
your hand was in mine
we came to a stop
and looked at what was in front of us
what is it? I said
you kept staring and you said it's fresh air
but it was more than that
it was dreams
it was fear
it was life
we unlocked the cuffs around our wrists
and we kept staring
and i knew
it was freedom