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 Aug 2015 Roger Turner - Poet
mk
i guess this is it
you've said your last goodbye
i guess this is it
time for you to fly

i want to beg you to stay
ask you to jump off the plane and run
straight into my arms
where it all begun

instead i put on a brave face
and kiss you goodbye
promise you it'll be well & good
hoping my words aren't a lie

once you're gone, i can't help but break
inside i can't feel my heart beat
i miss your smile so bright
i miss your touch so sweet

but distance is just a number
and miles do not define us
alive will remain the burning flame
of love & lust

i can't say it'll be easy
or that I'll make it out alive
but i do swear to you one thing
*I'll try my best to make "us" survive
// save the last goodbye for me, one more shining memory //
dedicated to y o u
We grew up there
Until the streetlights came on
We kept going

Mothers calling us for dinner
Avoiding the call
Until they found us
Because we were never far

Unless we were on our bikes
Only around the block
We agreed to that
But lied

Getting grounded to the house
Looking out and watching
Hoping and waiting
Until our sad faces
Reminded our parents
We were just kids
And they gave us our freedom back  

Outside
Alive

Running
Definitely screaming
A lot
Laughing about dumb stuff
But that was the best, yes?

Feeling invincible
Time seemed endless

The bonds we made then
Will last forever
We carved our initials into trees
And concrete

Threw rocks
Broken windows
Crashed bikes
Comic books
Baseball cards
Chased girls
Walked to school
Ice cream

The foundation I was built upon
Seems unreal anymore
A distant dream
Since memory has been logged inside this whirl wind of thought
I have struggled with this inner angst
Only those who have suffered from its botheration can comprehend
Invisible nuisance that affect every aspect of one's day
Vexation of every nerve that runs through this shell of skin
It can begin with the simplest trigger
Small agitation can seem like a complete catastrophe
For me it begins deep with in my skin, starts to manifest as
heavy breathing, feeling as if I am going to jump out of my own skin
Ants racing over my body, every tendon tightens every muscle
begins to take on a life of its own.
Only able to focus on the disarray of my mind, every outside influence
sets off a string of grenades that explode on who ever is there at the present time.
Never discriminating on its target, wiping out every thing in sight
Uneasy in every situation
A mind blowing affliction of the worst kind
One that can only be felt inside out
The mind begins to run a marathon
Endless possibilities of conclusion to each situation
Pondering every mistake, every  choice over and over
Unresting, unsettling, unnerving
Unable to stop fixating on each tick of the clock
Each tiny sound of  a pin dropping on the cold steal floor
So much of this will eventually drive us insane
Break through the glass house built around this mind and heart
Peace is the ultimate heaven
Escape from one's own mind.
#anxiety
I wish to cancel my subscription please
this simply isn't working for me.
Pill regiments and appointments
I stand firm yet am frightened.
Cancerous lesions wreak havoc.
Completely unexpected.
An endless myriad of questions,
Vague answers in poker face expressions.
Once healthy cells are disfigured.
Now thick walls with spiked exterior
Latching to its next cellular host to fall.
Aftermath exponential...
Sharp, shooting pain and exhaustion,
Observe my internal destruction.
I wish to cancel my subscription please
This simply doesn't work for me
Maybe this is deserved
Soft lips
that stung like alcohol when we kissed.
Blonde hair
almost as vibrant as your smile.
Pale skin
pulling me closer, begging to be touched.
Blue shirt
I told you it brought out the color in your eyes.
Dark room
truth is I couldn't see your eyes in that basement light.
Hard floor
the truth is I just want you to hold me.
Intoxicating
you make me feel dizzy and I want to walk straight again.
Intoxicated
*you make me say things I usually won't, you make me do things I usually don't.
Thoughts on first experience from a party mixed with my feelings for someone there.
She surrounded herself
with strangers

sat in her seat
( oblivious to all )

rose up up & up
in the air

until houses
looked like scale models

of themselves
people became ants

cars...toys

a lake a broken
compact mirror

the countryside a map
come to life

until all was wrapped
in the cotton wool of clouds

(and time flew
backwards)and

only then did she
allow her self to cry

and a skinny stewardess
with a stupid-stuck-on-smile

enquired" You...
. . .alright Miss?"
9th and main wasn't
busy but I still wondered
how my bike wasn't beneath
me anymore and if I really
screamed when the back
wheel went up, because
for a moment I thought
this isn't really happening
I don't really get hit by cars,
this is something that only
happens to Anne Hathaway
but i pulled out this morning
after a night of of maybe being
afraid that I wouldn't wake up
struck by a new fear of the ways
i can't see around buildings like
i used to--and maybe i'm being
a bit dramatic but i pedaled a
little slower today and my head
hurt with all the ways my leg
was bruised

it wasn't that busy on 9th and main
but I still wondered how my bike wasn't
                                                                                               beneath
me


anymore.
(c) Brooke Otto 2015
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