it feels like an iceberg has hit my heart
and I am still sinking
drowning slowly
without you
please be a bad dream
that I can wake up from

*please

I had
a knife to my neck for breakfast
a punch with a crunch for lunch
but I ate ***** looks for dinner
thats how I knew
I was the winner
and when I went up for dessert
never once did they see me hurt
thats how they knew I was a bruiser
and they were backing a loser

drifting alone
through this desert
through these solitary sands
isolated
and deserted
the desert fox
without thought or reason
without cause or purpose
this old heart
these young hands
this love I have to give
but no you to give it to
I am wasted without you
my life is shattered
my dreams are lost
where are you?
if not here?
where are you
when I am without you?
I am withering without you
abandoned here
in this barren wasteland
like a flower in the desert
without hope
without water
without love
won’t you free me from this heat?
this unbearable sunlight
too harsh for my eyes
the truth is just so bright sometimes
I do not wish to see myself
not like this
lost like this
but there is no cure
for all that ails me
only time they say
can heal these wounds
that sorry old adage
so I sit and wait
for something else to happen
and I say
**** me or set me free
twisting these sad young hands
as my old heart melts
in the memory of you

the others didn’t like him
his markings were different
his stripes were too bright
he’d been places
seen things
and he understood them better than they understood themselves
he had the scars of life experience
and he wore them with pride
having travelled to the darkest corners of the jungle
living wonders and horrors
they could only imagine
from the confines of their pen
so shallow and so rigid
he was a dangerous reminder of all they were not
maybe they were just sheep after all
he came with a  sense of danger
and they came with the scent of fear
he could smell it on them
he was a tiger
and they were all lambs
and the lambs had nothing for him
but they bleated as if they knew better
and they hid within their herds
the way cowards always do
because that was all they knew
safety in numbers
the company of the crowd
they would never know what it took to be a tiger
to walk alone in the wilderness
to swim up river with his big padded paws
there was a great strength in his solitude
but they knew very little
of either
strength or solitude
plus the sheep had no style
so they hated him for his
in fact the tiger had more style in one paw
than all of them put together
he peered into the pen
briefly licking his teeth
but it looked so empty in there
that’s when he realised
that the crowd was a just another prison
and so was the herd
just an empty pen
full of empty people
living and dying their empty little lives
he would lose his freedom by joining them
he would sacrifice his stripes
no longer king of the jungle
they would sedate him and put him on display
in a petting zoo
until he was no more a tiger than they were
just a trophy on a shelf
for the dumb public to come and take pictures with
and he would sit there
wishing he could disappear
his eyes blinded by flash photography
his wild spirit destroyed
the very essence of him gone
and they would keep him
until he lost all his colour
and then they would lose interest
in the tiger they had tamed
in the trophy they had spoiled
no
this was no life for a tiger
no place for him to live
no company to keep
the sheep had nothing for him
except for the prison sentence
of their acceptance
he was better off alone
back in the wilderness
where he belonged
out in the jungle
where he could prowl freely
without judgement of his stripes

she wakes me with a kiss on the cheek
puts a hot drink by my side
then gently ruffles my hair
before exiting the room
a towel wrapped firmly around her
what fine form she has
what buxom beauty
and such kindness beneath
I hear the hiss of hot water
as she steps in the shower
and imagine her moist *******
hardening as she soaps up her *******
soaking herself in the steady downpour
a warm sensation filling her insides
like a hot flood in a rain forest
and outside the birds are singing
and inside so am I
because in that moment
she gave me enough strength
to face another day
and I know
that with her
I am home

you'll find me by the rope swing
the one beneath the trees
and there will be our childhood
our happy little childhood
the one we never speak of
the one we never had

to write like me
you must first review my routine
lift weights
take boxing lessons
drink beer in bars
laugh loudly in the street
sing karaoke every week
date women from different backgrounds
kiss like you mean it
and make love that soaks the sheets
take random trains
to far off places
work jobs until you hate them
and quit as you slowly go mad
then you will be half the poet I am
because I am still only half the poet
I know I can be
it's a challenge to balance
to juggle this routine
I am trapped between two loves
my love for life
and my love to write
between living life
and writing about it
between being alive
and writing about it
to me writing and living go hand in hand
but they cannot always co-exist
when you burn your light to the brink
as I do
i must find the line
but the line is hard to find
because there are only so many hours in a day
and life swoops us by like an owl
with a mouse in its mouth
leaving us with only a brief window
in which to carve a lasting legacy
beware this life style isn't for everyone
only the chosen few can pull it off
this artful existence
this vagabond life
a tiresome gift
from mischievious gods
who see themselves in us
but never mind kid
you are probably a better poet than me anyway

I wish we could end this
quick and painless
like pulling a bandage
off an old wound
but our scars have yet to heal
and while it might be quick
it won’t be painless

love is many things
but never painless

I spend more money
on books and *****
than I do on women
than I do on food
this is my necessity
my foolish bare necessity
this is my fire
my coal
my fuel

I left my heart with a girl from brazil
'you remind me of a tiger'
I thought
as she walked in the bar
she had brown eyes
bronze curves
copper curls
a camera hung from her neck
a denim rucksack on her back
she was an oasis
in the desert of my boredom
a ray of sunshine in my darkness
but was she a miracle
or just a mirage?
only one way to know
and that meant having the ***** to approach her
I reached down between my thighs
to check on the gentlemen.
yep, still there.
so I approached her
and she smiled with great curiosity
as our conversation began
her voice was soft as sand
being washed by waves on the ocean shore
she was like
a walking talking
bossa nova sound track
she was a gift from the favelas
a flower from brazil
and I was drawn to her
like a sad man to a violin

drifting alone
through this desert
through these solitary sands
isolated
and deserted
the desert fox
without thought or reason
without cause or purpose
this old heart
these young hands
this love I have to give
but no you to give it to
I am wasted without you
my life is shattered
my dreams are lost
where are you?
if not here?
where are you
when I am without you?
I am withering without you
abandoned here
in this barren wasteland
like a flower in the desert
without hope
without water
without love
won’t you free me from this heat?
this unbearable sunlight
too harsh for my eyes
the truth is just so bright sometimes
I do not wish to see myself
not like this
lost like this
but there is no cure
for all that ails me
only time they say
can heal these wounds
that sorry old adage
so I sit and wait
for something else to happen
and I say
**** me or set me free
twisting these sad young hands
as my old heart melts
in the memory of you

Cobwebs
in the eyes of the skull
long forgotten
left behind
in time
cobwebs
in the eyes of the skull
like an empty hour glass
bottom heavy with sand
as the hands chip away
as time passes by
as the spiders legs
weave its web
creating a symbol of death
but also... life
a pretty mirror
in which sits the grim reaper
his reflection
hidden in the strands
strands from which beads of life
do glisten
clinging dearly
and just like the web
reliant on a thread
life hangs delicately in the wind
like a basket full of flowers
in an abandoned back garden
the owners no longer exist...
hanging
and waiting
hanging
and waiting
awaiting its own destruction
a fleeting work of art
soon lost in the winds of time
and the forgotten skulls
sit laughing in the sand
a silent kind of laughter
only they understand
so laugh
while you can
says the sand
says the sand
*laugh
while you can
while you can
while you can

I am like a rambling rogue
my happiness still homeless
and trouble an old stray dog
that follows me everywhere I go
misunderstanding must be my shadow
for it will not leave me alone
my mind is a haunted highway
and these bandits never pass me by
well I've drank from the trickle of entitlement
with its undercurrent of oppression
and I've wandered the lonely hills
and been lost in the valley of the found
I've camped in fields of foolishness
I've swam in the river of the ******
I've skinny dipped in self destruction
and seen reason buried in the ground
I've known madness a midnight blanket
that sinks in swifter than quicksand
sometimes with less sound
and every season it seems
that tragedy paints the leaves
and misery parts the clouds
and if I didn't know better
I'd say that old oak
was dripping not with sap
but with satire
and I know betrayal fills these seas
and the tides turn with nothing but unrest
and the winds sing of their unease
and if pain were the first flower of spring
it would bloom a little too often
and if the moon could hear me cry
I would howl at it no longer
and if the sun were not a spy
that gave up every day
to rise again so brilliantly
like a child that ran away
and if the sky did not weep with rain
with a thunderstorm for a stomach
and a lightning heart
for an enlightening soul
I then would be on my own
but these roads are paved with mystery
and I can't help but wonder
what the horizon holds
so I travel this realm with optimism
ready as my adventure unfolds

https://rivislives.wordpress.com/2018/01/17/new-poem-skulls-in-the-sand-video/

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