My tuberculosis infected heart
spits blood
and
stays away from light
lives in humidity causing fungus growing
In my inside.

My tb infected heart caughs from all its holes
at night
it never sleeps
nevear eats
it's lost it's appetite for people and joy
and laughs

My tb infected heart will die soaked
in smoke
they'll burn its bed, its clothes
every crumble of feelings
and I will be left naked
with blood stains on my skin

My tb infected heart
lives in isolation
between walls of mirrors reflecting
the misery of my mind
It lives in fear and shame
hungrily waiting for death to come
for them to burn its bed.

A train that never leaves the station
a bird with broken wings
an acid rain killing the spring flowers
I am
the clouds covering the full moon,
a funeral
the desert's freezing nights
I am
the thoughts that won't let you sleep at night
the deepest paper cut,
an illness with no cure
I am
the dust covering your lungs
the antagonist in your stories,
the cold wind hurting your bones.

I am the pain that hurts you the most.
I am the pain that loves you the most.

You are Shakespeare in a world of fools,
poetry in a world of broken words and
broken feelings.

in a world full of desperate cryings
and spiteful noises,
You are the jazz instrument that
makes it quiet in my mind.

You are love in the middle of
this war i am fighting with myself.

Your lips, pure art,
You are the smile
that brings colour
in this black-and-white world.

You
a dance in a summer rain,
You
a rebel lost in a world of rules,
a free bird,
a mystery,
You
the richest wine,
that makes my dark feelings
numb.

You,
beautiful as Vincent's Starry Night,
Your eyes are two blue moons
i get lost in
You,
the one who has a shelter in my mind,
You,
the purest feet that have ever stepped on my heart.

You,
the voice that lifts me from the abyss
whenever i fall.


To be or not to be is no longer a question,
to be with You
is the only answer.

I wasn't there with my body
when you were happy,
or walking in an evening rain,
I wasn't there with my eyes
to see the tears you shed
I wasn't there to feel your skin,
to see your eyes bloom at night.
I wasn't.

I wasn't there with the body
that would keep your feelings warm,
I wasn't with the arms
that would make your pain go.

I thought i was there in your soul,
a shade of sea,
a morning in the spring,
my words, I thought,
they'd make you feel
the same sunrise that's in my smile
whenever your voice speaks to me.

I hoped I was at least a dream,
a thought of yours at night,
a traveller in your mind,
a phrase,
a nonsense,
I hoped
I was one of your cigars,
your cup of tea,
your rest.

I thought
I hoped
In silence now I know
I wasn't with you
at all.

When I first met you it was dark
underneath the society in which you favored yourself the plague
I shook your hand and smiled
but you already saw through my mask
I was never good at lying
and I would never be close to lying to you

I watched you from the passenger seat
the rain pelted my windshield but all I could hear was you
You spoke in big ideas, like stars and planets
you wanted me to picture myself among them
but I was rooted into the ground like the old oak in my backyard
turn left, then right
the pavement dancing past so thoughtlessly
it had no idea of the brilliance that drove upon it

I loved you when you weren't listening
when you were laughing to yourself about your own joke
and I joined you
hoping you would understand
but you never did
I bought you coffee and knew your order
Hours with you felt like minutes
and when you left the hollow in my chest grew
I loved you so heavily with every hug and hand hold
every minute of every day
but nothing seemed to show you how I was feeling

I lost you too many times to count
Sometimes it was on my terms
other times it was on yours
but bullet wounds hurt no matter which way you shoot
When I lay in bed and watch the ceiling
I think back to when I first met you
I wonder what I could have done to convince you to join the real world
but my world had become you
and yours me
and in that light, I didn't want to go back

I can’t remember the last time
I walked in light,
nor how the sun felt on my skin,
it’s always dark in here
and while trying to make my way in any direction
I find myself stumbling upon souls I lost and souls I miss
and pieces of long forgotten feelings,
I find myself falling over words that can never be taken back
over regrets that have never been said,
I hurt myself
when I step on memories crashing under my feet and
on broken mirrors wearing my once bright face,
or on silent songs that once used to be loud.

Like a child learning how to ride a bike,
I will keep on falling over and over again,
but I’ll never learn
cause there is no one here to hold onto the saddle.

Words don't come to me anymore
silence grows deeper in my soul
the pain gets stronger and stronger.

My hopes, they turn to ashes
at the touch of my hands
I lose them, they slip through my fingers
and they're no Phoenix bird,
won't ever reborn.

Disappointment,
Failure
At every step I take.
My life,
a sinking ship.
My fears consume me day by day.

My love makes me rot inside
light burns my eyes,
music hurts my mind,
my soul is full of scars,
hopeless,
empty,
weak.

I shall die in the darkest silence.