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 Jun 2014 calion
Madame Eleanor
I know your scars are gone, but you can see them still. No matter what I do, I'm sure you always will. But I'll still hold your hand, and tell you I'm right here. I'll never leave, I won't desert you dear. If you hold me close, I won't ask for more. I'll stay by your side, for rich or for poor.

I promise I'll be here to tell you you're beautiful when you wanna see yourself bleed. Because I love you so much, you're all I'll ever need. I've always seen past the lies, I can see the sadness in your sweet grey eyes. And that face you make when you're in pain, as though to say "Its alright, I'm just not okay". Well I'm here now, so you can rest easy. I swear you'll never be caused any pain by me. You say the past is in the past but I can tell you still feel it deep down within. Well now I'm here to make sure it won't bother you again.

You asked why I think you're so great. Because you're sweet and you're funny and you make me feel like it'll be okay. You say that's nothing, and you only treat me the way I deserve. Well I just want you to know, I'm so happy to be yours.
This is dedicated to my lovely boyfriend, I don't know what I'd do without him.
 Jun 2014 calion
Madame Eleanor
Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can do without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my memory. I wanted better things for you- dreams you could go out and do. Just do this last thing for me, just promise you'll be happy.

They said I can't save the world but I don't need to, it would be enough just to protect you. I tried and I tried, but it was all in vain. I spared you some, but not all, of my pain.

Dear child don't cry, don't waste your tears on me. It was enough to have your love, I can go without your sympathy. Just live on, and learn from my misery. I had hoped for a better life for you- that maybe you could make it through, somehow. I fear it's getting too late now. No matter what, my angel, just make this promise unto me, that you will be happy. Don't go through it sad like I did, don't ever be afraid to be a kid. For it's a privilege- I never got. In spite of how you're raised, in spite of all the pain. Remember, no matter what, I love you, my sweet child.

Even though I chose to leave you all alone, know I will find solace in a new home. And that I'm so sorry- for ever leaving. I was only doing what was best for me, but I won't forget you, no matter where I am I could never stop missing my precious baby. If there were an easy way to see you I'd do it, if I could hold you in my arms we'd get through this. But I don't think that's possible anymore. In your sweet heart all my love will pour. Depression hurts but this hurts more.

They said I couldn't save the world but I didn't need to, it would've been enough just to save you. I wish I could have. I beg you not to resent me, I'll have my thoughts for all eternity-to make me feel bad, to keep me company. I wish I couldn't given you a better goodbye, I know it's not very nice but I guess when you hear this it will just have to suffice. Someday, maybe many years from today, we may get to be together again and I will say:

I couldn't save the world, and I left unable to save you. I regret any times you missed me, I hope I never lost your love or needed too much sympathy. I'm so very sorry- for ever leaving. I did what was best for me; I wasn't being selfish, I was just surviving. It was something I felt I had to do. Know I missed you every moment of every day. Now I hope you'll let me hold you once again, come what may. And I hope you never forgot too, that I'll always love you.
I wrote this right after I moved out of my mom's house and I meant it to be an explanation to my little sister of why I had to leave her in that harsh environment without me but when I read it after I wrote it down I realized it was more of an explanation of my plans for suicide at the time.
I wanted to hold your hand that night.
I couldn't bare to do that to you though.
I couldn't bare to hold your hand knowing you have feelings for me and knowing that I have feelings for you and knowing that I'm ******* around with your best friend.
I couldn't bare breaking your heart the way he broke mine so long ago.
I want to stop so we can be happy but I want to feel good.
I can't hold your hand because I'm not worthy.
I don't want you to look me in the eyes because I can't look myself in them.
I get lost in my own searching for something but I can never find anything.  
I don't want you to get lost.
I wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that you can't find your way back.
This isn't the same boy
 Jun 2014 calion
Dania
Call 911
 Jun 2014 calion
Dania
It all crashed,
As if an intoxicated child had been steering towards the corner of Absentminded and Dazed.
                                                          ­    Harmless.
I just wanted the rush of it all.
I wanted to feel the car collide into a whirlwind of commotion.
                                                      ­        Chaos.
I wanted the chaos.
I craved the chaos.
The hectic emotions that skipped over the sweet heartbeats when our pulses fluttered together;
They were inebriating, invigorating,
Enthralling every ounce of my reluctant reason to thrill.
I wanted the lust and the simple beauty in love that I couldn’t have.
And it killed me.
                      Passion.
I crashed into arteries of reality.
The ****** absorbed every fiber in my form,
Every neural tissue that tingled from the tips of my hair follicles to my toes.
Not one cell was safe,
Because my heart wanted what it wanted,
And it led my atoms to do things unimaginable—
Undesirable, but oh so desirable,
And it led me to…            
                                                          Crash.­
 Jun 2014 calion
elizabeth
Why?
 Jun 2014 calion
elizabeth
The last guy I kissed
I haven't stopped thinking about
I kissed him in his bed
In the middle of the night
When we both should have been asleep

But I woke him up
Trying to get closer
And he woke up
And tried to get closer
I felt his fingers very lightly touch my hip
As if he was scared to press down
In fear I might notice
(but I did anyway)

So I pushed my bones out
Because I was scared he would feel me
And no longer be interested

"Stop."

The word escaped my lips
(I surprised myself)
He let out a sound
In between kisses
(He was confused)
Eventually he gave up
(Not that he was trying that hard)
And he went back to sleep
With his arms around me
My fingers tracing his hands
And still, I tried to get closer

He was the last man to touch my lips
And most of the time
I want him to be the next
there are stars
and there are choices
i can talk about the ones that shoot across the sky
or i can talk about the sparkle in your eyes.
Eyes don't need to meet
for you to feel the contact
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